<p>DS has first job with benefits, very happy.
But also very confused about how everything works. Today, he stopped by and asked me what this ‘retirement paper thingy’ means. That would be his first quarterly statement for his pension account. </p>
<p>So, we had an interesting impromptu discussion on pensions, 401k/403b plans, Roths, etc. Now he a few answers but alot more questions on maximum contributions, asset allocations etc. </p>
<p>It felt good to share what little I know about those ‘retirement thingys’ and send his on his way to learn more.
Was everything so much simplier in 1978 when I started working??</p>
<p>PS So NO, he’s not our retirement but our assets will probably not be his inheritance either.</p>
<p>Visit your folks and obtain whatever information you can about their financial situation. Obviously you won’t be loaning money to them since they will never repay you.</p>
<p>But it has to be a two-way street here. Do you feel they gave a fair share to your upbringing? Did they sacrifice so you could get into college? Did they contribute anything over your four years of college? Your view might not be the same as theirs. Are you certain they dropped the ball?</p>
<p>My dad never contributed one penny to my schooling. But he never asked me for anything after I graduated. I bought him a car and never regretted my decision, although I felt it ironic that the son buys a car for his father. I wish you much luck.</p>
<p>I went through this a few months ago. Son’s organization uses the same software that we use for HR. He asked about his elections and I just explained them or explained what he needed to look at to make a decision. Oh yes, the software is not intuitive. Around the office, we usually ask the people that are known for doing the research on options.</p>
<p>Normally I hate how our culture encourages kids to go off to college and separate from the family, emotionally and financially - it’s pretty abnormal considering most other cultures. In your case though, it sounds like the financial ties need to be cut at least a little. If I were you I would help out with something (like some bills, fixed amount) that I could afford, and never let them know exactly how much I was making. I’ve got the same problem with my brother lol, and thats what I plan to do.</p>
<p>I have lived a very rocky life trying to attend college and I solely depend on my parents to make it. Honestly, over the past four years since high school ended, I applied to over 40 jobs and heard nothing or rejections. My parents had some financial issues selling a house for two years that we used to live in New Mexico (dad relocated to California) and it was draining us bigtime. That made me have to take a gap year after high school. There were talks about my dad constantly in a position to lose his job. They’re drowning in massive credit card debt from frivolous spending in their twenties. They never planned for me and my sister to ever attend college. You’d think that when you’re sitting in the audience of your child’s graduation and they’re the valedictorian you’d have done something wrong. Unfortunately, I am also in a tough position because my dad makes a lot of money but has so many things to pay (mom works also) that it makes it very hard for me to afford even a state college. </p>
<p>Even though it’s not necessarily a good thing that my dad is disabled now, the government pays for my tuition. However, the cost of living is almost beyond our means and I’m taking out a lot of loans to simply pay down a place to live. It’s hard when they only give you 2500 for that particular semester and you’re denied on-campus housing and the apartments in the surrounding area average about 1200 a month without utilities. </p>
<p>Thank god that we’ve somehow got through this because I’m now transferring but still have those financial problems to deal with besides the fact that they’re pushing me to graduate on time. I’m an applied math major and to complete my coursework in two years (there is no other way) I have to take about 16 units a semester of technical courses but one semester I’ll have 20. For me, this is almost academic suicide, but you have to do what you have to do if you simply cannot afford it. I’m banking on getting into a great college or at least a good enough one to help me get to where I want to go in life after undergraduate. I want to go to law school and although generally the prospects for lawyers I feel is terrible, I don’t think the same holds for patent lawyers. Once I get my job and work harder than my parents ever worked for anything, hopefully when I have children they’ll be able to know what I did to get ourselves in a good place in life. At the same time, I feel like I should rub it in their faces at the end because they have no faith in me to do anything with my life. They constantly hounded me to join the military to get out of the house rather than transfer out. My mom talks about filing bankruptcy if I have problems even for a second with paying the loans I have to take out with them. They don’t believe in me. My mom, sister, and my dad wanted me to dropout and get a job. But all the while they’ve said that they’re going to depend on me in the future for money and will probably want to live with me. To that I say…no. Once I pay them back I owe them nothing. And they spend money like it’s water too even still and complain that they can’t pay for me to go to college. Honestly, who buys an expensive sports car the summer before college when we’re having trouble looking at for a place simply for me to stay or I can’t go to college? Someone talked to me about getting a tutoring job at my school, so I figured those would be easy to get but still. It’ll barely make a dent in my rent, but I guess everything counts. </p>
<p>Isn’t it strange how things change…I’ve heard friends in a similar situation as you and I’ve heard friends talk about how they hope their parents aren’t spending all of their money because there won’t be social security and they are counting on their parent’s money for THEIR retirement. If everyone would just make what they can and spend what they want and take care of themselves…who knows what is the right thing to do?</p>
<p>Huh. This post was clearly writing from a culture/situation very different from my own. </p>
<p>I am an immigrant to the United States. My parents left everything behind- including their careers- to come to America and give me a better life. In America, they raised me washing cars 6 days out of the week. They have no retirement savings, no investments anywhere, and as of now, I am helping them pay the bills. </p>
<p>But it is BECAUSE of my parents that I am who I am today. I got into MIT with a full 250K ride. I am graduating with zero debt into a career that will pay 85k + out of college. If am lucky and keep on going the way I am going, I will be going to Harvard or MIT (again) for my MBA and get that salary way up before I get to age 30. </p>
<p>With my first internship, I opened an IRA for my parents and one for me. I help with bills whenever I can. I am saving now so that I can give them everything they deserve later. </p>
<p>I would never, EVER, EVER feel that my parents are “a financial burden” for me. I was a financial burden for a good 18 years, and though they could have chosen to stay in their country and watch their careers rise and grow and send me to an okay-school, they chose to leave everything behind so that I could go to a top global university. My parents wanted me to have the life they never could have dreamed for themselves. </p>
<p>I suppose it’s another culture. But I could never think of my parents as a “financial burden.” Everything they did- even their mistakes- was for me.</p>
<p>Met, the OP is describing parents who live above their means. For example “huge mortgage” is a red flag right there. I would agree to help with a fixed amount for a period of time (in writing) with the agreement that they attend some sort of financial training and take steps to control the debt and spending. </p>
<p>No, I don’t even joke that I expect my kids to be my retirement. I live below my means so that I can contribute to retirement.</p>
<p>1978 predated IRAs and 401ks. So for formal retirement plans most folks relied on social security and if they were lucky their company’s defined pension plan. Neither has options about how much to contribute and the employee had no say in how the money was invested. Gaining vesting in a defined pension plan (along with other bennies like health insurance) was one of the bigger draws to go to and stay at a larger firm. </p>
<p>That said lots of folks also saved money on their own in the regular investment accounts for use in retirement … and this involved deciding how much to invest, what to invest in, and reallocation decisions.</p>
<p>Met-agree that it is a culture thing. The OP did explain about parent’s spending beyond their means which I also believe is a culture thing in America. It seems like a lot of people on this forum are financially together and have saved for retirement and college, however I think there are a great many parents that are just like the ones of the OP.</p>
<p>Personally, I am probably in between. Yes I live beyond my means, but I pay son’s college and we have a retirement fund. </p>
<p>You are a great person for helping your parents and prioritizing family first.</p>
<p>met-
Just curious- you mentioned elsewhere that your father is illegal and that your family moved here when you were young. Are you a legal resident?</p>
<p>I guess from my cultural perspective, it seems so ungrateful to harbor such resentment towards your family. Specially for something so stupid as money. I can imagine some parents been somewhat deluded and irresponsible- but I doubt any parent is maliciously trying to ruin their kid’s financial stability.</p>
<p>Jym626- I don’t see why you couldn’t ask me that in a private message as its very irrelevant to the current discussion but here it is:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>You’re right. I made a mistake. My actual scholarship is a little over 200k and not 250k. Guess I didn’t count.</p></li>
<li><p>Yes, he was. He got deported last year and am now using my industry earnings on lawyer fees to get him back. I’ll save my family. And no I’m not. MIT (unlike Harvard) does not accept undocumented students. A HUGE loss for them in my opinion.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Edit: my bill for last year was 59K none of which were loans and none of which I have to pay so I guess it is 250k (I’m staying 4 years). And to your second question, I meant “no, I am not illegal” though I was for a very long time.</p>
<p>I grew up in with half of my extended family and an educational environment with parents who had similar cultural perspectives on family as you. </p>
<p>The only main differences which bear on the OP’s post are:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Parents from those cultural environments were only forgiven by the milieu their “last duty” to defray undergrad expenses for their best/brightest children if they were undergoing economic difficulties/crises that were not self-inflicted(i.e. Not living beyond their means by buying too large/expensive of a house, gambling, or buying luxuries like sports cars). </p></li>
<li><p>If a family member…including parents/older relatives are irresponsible with personal finances, it would actually be considered idiotic/criminal to continue to financially support them if they refuse to radically alter their financial/lifestyle habits with demonstrated results. Any emotional blackmail appeals by citing “family duty” would be criticized and they’d openly wonder about the chutzpah of the needy spendthrift parents/relatives who have the nerve to be making such appeals in the first place. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>The fact they’re older and thus, “should know better” and “be good examples” to younger relatives in such cultures only adds to the umbrage of such irresponsible financial behaviors/needy appeals.</p>
<p>It does not require malice for someone to spend themselves, and anyone who gives them money, into poverty.</p>
<p>Probably most people are willing to help truly needy relatives if they can – but are not interested in seeing relatives become an unlimited burden because such relatives have careless or reckless spending habits.</p>
<p>Having to be financially responsible for aging parents is a tremendous burden; I don’t care what your culture is. To cast it off as “ungrateful” is insensitive and naive. As is characterizing money concerns as “stupid.” Anyone with no money is a burden to our society. It is a big deal. You will learn this soon enough when you are no longer receiving food, shelter and education on someone else’s dime.</p>