And I don’t mean standing in line for a movie. D is a few thousand miles away at her home in Europe and has been there for the last three seasons. Last year I went “all out” for Christmas, kind of making up for the previous years Grinch themed holiday. This year no decorations and I just can not get into it. I don’t feel any guilt…I just do not care. I spoke with her today and she is headed north to Scandinavia to her fiancé’s homeland. I feel a bit detached and ambiguous. Next year we have decided to go there for the holiday. We skype all the time, spent time with her in Paris, and I’m happy that she has carved out a very pleasant existence. But still during the holidays…I am just not all that “into it”. What do you do? Any coping mechanisms I can tap into?
No advice, just commiseration. My 20-year-old daughter is going on vacation with her boyfriend’s family this year. It will be my first Christmas without her. 
I am feeling a little weepy, even though I will be spending Christmas with the rest of my large extended family. I’m excited for her, though. He’s a very nice guy, and his parents have a beyond fabulous vacation home in an exotic location, so it should be fun for her.
I’ve done no decorating either, but as a Christmas gift to myself I’ve scheduled Restalyne injections for the hollows under my eyes for December 23. (First time for injectibles). Normally I wouldn’t want to be all bruised up on Christmas, but this year I don’t care. I’m indulging myself.
.For me…I have been considering a blepharoplasty. But you have hit on it. Maybe after years and years of making Christmas all about her I need to make it about me. Hard habit to break.
I was thinking of a bleph (or even an early facelift) but the plastic surgeon I consulted said that all I needed was a little Restalyne. That was a gift in itself!
I can identify. My oldest D is living in Denmark while working on her masters. Although she will be home for Christmas, she purchased a one way ticket back because she doesn’t know when she will be coming home again. She graduates in June and is pursuing employment in Europe. I don’t know if she will be home next Christmas.
I’ve done some decorating, but my heart isn’t in it. The tree is up, lights are on, but nobody has made any moves to decorate it. Older D said she didn’t care if she didn’t put her own decorations on this year which set the tone for the rest of us.
She just broke up with her boyfriend from here, so she can pursue a job wherever she wants. I’ve been fighting depression thinking about the next stage of our family life.
I don’t have any advice. I just think it’s something I have to work through.
For the first time in 3 years baby kiddo will be home for the holidays!!! I gladly canceled our planned HI getaway only to hear, “Moooommm… You could have taken me with you!” Lol. Scrambled and got us a week in Maui. I am shocked, shocked that this kid wanted to spend time with her “ancient ancestors”!! 
Hugs to all of you with nomadic kids. It is never easy.
My youngest is going with his S.O. to her parents. First time ever one of our kids has not been here for Christmas. It had to happen sooner or later. So, we’re having Christmas on New Year’s Day.
@musicamusica - I never had to cope with this. Early on (35 years ago) I learned to not have Christmas ‘all that’. H or I have been on call/working more Christmas days or weeks or Thanksgivings than not. We learned to have planned vacations with the kids, or, ‘holidays’ here at home with them and make them special. When D and her H lived in Europe for the past 3 years, we either went over there to visit for 2 weeks a year and/or met them somewhere here in the states. I just hung out a wreath and called it good those years. Plan a vacation together another time or just make each day home special with planned adventures every other day. It takes the pressure off both the parents who may be working or the kids who may be in school /working/ or have other obligations. I always told them that I did not expect them for the holidays and they were free to do what they want to. But, I will be visiting soon.
@BunsenBurner a Christmas vacation in maui sounds wonderful right now! We did this once and the adult kids slept on the floor and couches. It was so fun!
Just got off a long skype session with D. She is going to have her piano shipped over.
We are treating the holiday here as an in town vacation. Visiting old haunts and new. And talking about our next trip. Another month long stay to coincide with one of her performances.
But really…a piano? That sounds a little permanent. :-??
Sorry off topic - @musicamusica, did she find a reliable piano shipper? How did she research the problem? I have one in a similar situation!
Christmas will be without offspring for us. Glad that their lives are so positive and independent at this point, but a bit lonely for Mom! I know understand why my mother still wistfully asks if we can come to visit.
The only good thing about having kids far away has been the opportunity for me to visit and get to know locations I would never have ventured to without the incentive.
S1 will not be home this year and to make it worse, his girlfriend will out of town. I cannot stand the thought of him being alone on Christmas Eve, but he is low man on seniority and has to work Christmas Day.
I sent him 2 boxes with explicit directions not to open until Christmas Eve. I did include a little faux pop up tree from the party store, a jigsaw puzzle, an NHL hockey magazine and a little family picture that he can open earlier in the day.
Other than the normal gifts, I included snacks, fav homemade cookies, a couple of those obnoxious “funny” guy movies he used to make me watch.
Of course I cried while I was packing up the boxes…
@musicamusica - Definitely take the road trip next holiday season. Christmas in Europe is magical.
My photo is Christmas in Germany.
@momofadult I will ask her who they are using. It would be shipping in an overseas container which she would share with another expat who is also shipping stuff from LA to Berlin. She and her SO together also have a significant amount of scores to ship along with it.
S arrives Monday from DC and we will have the entire extended clan with all 13 nieces & nephews, my sibs, my folks and everyone for Christmas eve and day! D has been with us from mid-Nov!
@Himom, that souns terrific! I hope you have a great time.
@musicamusica, thank you!
D and her BF are only a short plane ride away, but neither of them can get away. This year it will only DH, my mother, and myself for Christmas brunch and later, for dinner. I’m dreading it, truth be told. Mom is an extremely high-maintenance visitor and there won’t be young people or siblings to help with the load.
I’m trying to talk DH into going to a movie in the afternoon; I think we need to start a new tradition that D was never a part of, because she’s probably going to be absent more often than not in the future.
My brother, SIL and 2 nephews will arrive on the 26th, so that should be noisy and lots of fun.
It is the first time all 15 cousins have been together in 3 years, so they’re thrilled, as they’re close. We feel very fortunate.
Lasma, I like your idea of starting a new tradition that your D was never a part of. I think you’re on to something.
My heart goes out to each of you that will be missing someone this Christmas. D1 has been far away twice, once in Pakistan (up in the mountains teaching) and once in Morocco (learning Arabic). Pakistan was especially hard because we had very little communication that entire year and none at all on Christmas day. Morocco was better because we knew she would be returning soon. We had to carry on with a normal holiday each time because of our other kids but I also love the idea of starting a new tradition to help fill that empty space.