<p>It cites experts and gives various examples ranging from situations with preschoolers to situations like this with adult offspring.</p>
<p>"Your son started college a month ago, and every time you call him he has a new story about his messy, party-loving roommate who distracts him from studying and interrupts his sleep. “I wouldn’t mind as much if it were my own vomit on the floor,” your son tells you. He says he’ll just stick it out for the rest of the year.</p>
<p>Friedman [child-adolescent psychologist at the University of Alabama at Birmingham] and Ginsburg [associate professor of pediatrics at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine] said they would not approach the college housing department and ask to have the young man moved, except in extreme or difficult circumstances – such as if the child is in a special needs program and can’t help himself, Friedman said.</p>
<p>Wow, do parents of college students actually do things like that?? The “kids” are adults, so do the parents even have any authority to intervene by contacting the administration?</p>
<p>Yes they do. It is very tempting when your excellent student who has been looking forward to college for whom you are busting your bank account calls you and tells you that he is rooming with some jerk who is throwing up in the room and a constant distraction. The thought makes me foam at the mouth. The question is what do you do? What if the kid does nothing and it leads to problems? What if he does talk to the RA and they stonewall him (which is truly the usual response to a roommate complaint), and nothing happens. I would not be happy about spending money for my kid to be in a room with some fool and vomit.</p>
<p>I understand the frustrations of what you are describing, cpt., especially with the high cost of college, but it seems more appropriate to demand that your kid remedy the problem (if it is truly affecting his/her academic performance) or face financial consequences from you. If all avenues fail, then I would consider removing the kid from that school, (recognizing that others would be reasonable for handling it differently).</p>
<p>I think it depends on the kid, Bay. If you have a kid who you know has issues with that sort of situation, but you are sure could do well without that specific adversity, you might take other action. On the other hand, if it is an excuse for non performance or poor performance, that is a different story.</p>
<p>My friend’s son had roommate troubles freshman year that contributed either to his academic failure or was an excuse for it. She went personally to the school after all her son’s efforts led to nothing and procured a single room for him in graduate quarters, something they were highly unlikely to do for a kid and something that school very rarely does, and they do have a lot of roommate complaints. She got a lot of nasty remarks, but you know what? It solved the problem. Kid did well thereafter, and is now 27 years old and still doing fantastically. Had lots of other roommates in subsequent years in many different living situations. The freshman situation was just one he could not handle at the time, and I think it would have been a shame to have removed him to school just because he could not handle a dud roommate who was really pretty danged terrible. (he did not return after freshman year). </p>
<p>Another friend moved her daughter out of the dorms after there were issues with a bad tempered boyfriend of a roommate and no change in dorm security. They live far from the school, and she wanted no worries from stalker type males for her daughter. Over reaction? Maybe? But the other girl is no longer at the school, and there were some bad incidents, don’tknow the details, but the mom is ever so glad that they did not deal with the issue. Girl is currently a senior and doing well at college. Sometimes things blow into situations a kid just can’t handle but intervention can pay big rewards. I always feel a kid should make the attempt to deal with the problem first. Even if he fails, he gains the experience of going through the motions. The problem is that he cannot make some of the solutions a parent can, like requesting a refund and finding off campus housing. This kind of thing often involves thinking on one’s feet.</p>
<p>It’s sort of baffling to me that a college would not want to deal pretty quickly with an 18 year old drinking to toxicity or a potentially violent stalker problem. These seem like legal and health problems, not fussy preferences of childish freshman. It should be easy for a student to go to administrators and get effective help with these things.</p>
<p>Its astounding how many roommate problems there are. I think it’s because parents are hesitant to jump into the situation and demand change that nothing happens. I know of too many such cases. IT was the same when I was in college too.</p>