<p>This came up on the parents forum and its as good a time as any to ask, what is proper etiquette when a guest?
My kids have had guests when they were younger, but taking a couple friends camping or having them over for pizza is about our style/budget. Even now.</p>
<p>Both my daughters have serious boyfriends, ( of at least several years) & they have a good relationship with their BFs family. Oldest lives with her BF who is finishing up grad school. She isn’t working yet herself, & is paying expenses with savings from working in grad school.
She travels with her BF 2500 miles several times a year to see his parents, which they ( the parents) pay for. They stay at the parents home while they are there.
I guess I am ok with it as the parents I assume can afford it, and its their business.</p>
<p>Younger D who is still in college also has a serious BF, but his parents live much closer. They’ve asked her to go on vacation with them for a week before Christmas, to the same rural area where our own family spent the holidays for 20 years, but we haven’t for the last three.( because our dog was too old to leave anymore, and now I don’t think I could take the driving)
She doesn’t work while in school because it is challenging enough for her without a job/car, and I would be giving her money for ski rental, & for meals. ( or more likely just putting it in her account). (as a Christmas present) What can she do to show her appreciation? She doesn’t knit like her sister, who makes gifts for her BFs nieces & nephews. She cooks however, & if they were staying somewhere with a kitchen she could help that way.</p>
<p>All this is new to me as we have never traveled with H’s family, and even though he is the only one of his siblings to still be married after 31 years, that seems to be an irritant to them. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>Neither of my D’s have serious boyfriends, but as a family with a beach house, we have had various friends invited down for periods of time from a weekend to a week. While some of the “hostess” gifts we’ve received may have come from parents here is a sampling:
Lovely small print in nautical frame, a basket of breakfast jellies, a board game with snacks, wine, puzzle books for younger siblings, candles, an offer to treat at a dinner out. Older teen daughters with friends who were comfortable in our home cooked a full meal for us (shopping for ingredients themselves).
Given financial constraints, I would find it thoughtful if a guest brought homemade food that would lighten the burden on a hostess (think breakfast breads/muffins or a nice cake or pie). Of if buying, a selection of olives, cheeses etc as I find with guests it is great to have nibbles while I am cooking.
When I (along with my family) have been a guest in someones ski house, I brought an entire meal (hearty but easy to heat after a day of skiing) along with Apples to Apples board game and wine. The entire group for 10 year olds to teens to adults played and howled with laughter by the fire!
I would think that as a relationship grew more serious, the status would change a bit from guest to family member, but anything to ease the work on the hostess is appreciated. (Some of my guests strip beds and run washing machine on their departure day!)</p>
<p>I love Apples to Apples- a board game is a great idea.
They don’t have a vacation house, not sure where they are staying though, we used to stay at a family run place with shared bathrooms and family style meals, but the lodging ranges from mountain huts to upscale lodges.
I think a board game along with a basket of snacks to eat on the trails / on the drive would be appreciated- not a lot of grocery stores in the valley.</p>
<p>I can speak as the parent who has taken a SO on vacations with us. I honestly don’t expect anything. We took them because they are practically a part of the family and have actually become so since then. When my son first started dating his wife and went to CA to visit her parents, I send a home made gift and I believe he took them out to dinner. But since then, as the relationship became more serious, he has visited many times as a part of the family.</p>
<p>And Bananagrams doesn’t take up so much room in the car, although D took Apples to Apples with her as a gift for her host family when she went to Costa Rica.
Besides the old standbys like Trivial Pursuit and Monopoly we also used to play Fluxx and Cranium. One of the attractions of vacationing at a family run lodge was having other kids to play board games with, as H rarely plays( he is strangely competitive even when playing with young kids) and its more fun with more people!</p>
<p>We had invited many of our kids’ significant others (whoever they were at the time) to our vacation home. They paid for their plane tickets and we paid the rest including many restaurant meals, admissions, activities.
We don’t expect anything in return but appreciate if they are thoughtful guests like helping with meal prep, dishes, stripping the beds etc.
At Christmas, both kids always came home and if a BF or GF wanted to visit, I always ask that they come AFTER Christmas and I never paid for any of their plane tickets.</p>
<p>My recollection of boyfriends and girlfriends on vacation with my family was that no one came bearing gifts - they are there because they are practically family. They were expected to pitch in cheerfully at mealtimes with prep work and cleaning up. Those who were capable or handy chopped wood, or helped with the constant repairs. When we do the big cleanup at the end of the week, they help with the sweeping, stripping beds etc.</p>
<p>How about baking cookies? So few take the time to bake these days. My kids do this often and everyone appreciates their tin of cookies very much. If she has time to be a bit more elaborate, she could bake (maybe half batches) a few different kinds of cookies, so there will be something for everyone in the gift basket.</p>
<p>I think a basket of snacks, cookies, etc. is a good way to go, especially if they are staying in a hotel, B &B, etc. It’s just nice to have munchies in the room.</p>
<p>If you want a fun board game, get ImaginIF. It is SO much fun, similar to Apples to Apples where everyone can play together, or in age groups. It’s especially fun with a group of good friends and a lot of “adult beverages” :D.</p>
<p>I paid for flight, a vacation hotel, and most meals when the worm brought his s/o home for first time. As a student, I didn’t expect her to offer anything. I was delighted she wanted to come meet the family. My son has been with her family more often, and I suspect they treated him to meals. I also think he pays his own flights, but I don’t ask. The first time he stayed with them, we discussed his giving them a gift, but I don’t know if he did or didn’t. The more serious they have become as a couple, the more they have discussed finances. That topic could be another thread.</p>
<p>In olden times, it was fun to have a friend along on Disney vacations. The added expense of a few meals was trivial.</p>
<p>A new twist to this thread: I was just invited to the family home of son’s s/o over Xmas. My first thought was to stay in a hotel, as their family has 2 parents and 4 young adults. Then I think of gifts for people I don’t know. It is at times like this that I wish I had a husband to fly with and share this experience with, and that I was less shy.</p>
<p>^^How wonderful that they are including you at Christmas. The reason I wanted the kids’ SOs to visit after Christmas is that I wanted them to spend it with their own families. I guess now they have the best of both worlds, your son and you together for Christmas.
Our kids have been living in opposite coasts so their SOs families have always been 3000 miles away from us.</p>
<p>My son’s FIL is spending Thanksgiving week with us and his MIL is spending Christmas week with us. They are divorced. This should be lots of fun and I’m not even being sarcastic.</p>
<p>My BF’s family is significantly more wealthy than mine, and they have always (despite my attempts to pitch in) paid for my plane tickets/vacations with them, meals, admissions, etc. I try to show my thanks by sending handwritten thank you notes, baking for his mom when she came to visit him at school, and just genuinely trying to maintain a really good relationship with them. I can’t really buy them anything that they either don’t already have or don’t have a much nicer version of (wine, etc.). </p>
<p>When my BF came up to visit me for Christmas (he’s Jewish), my dad paid for dinners, and my BF got my dad a Christmas gift and contributed to the family white elephant gift exchange. Generally, it’s worked out pretty well</p>
<p>bookworm: Before first meeting my son’s future in-laws, he told me, “you know they are just as nervous as you are.” That sort of put it in perspective. Have a great time!</p>
<p>soccergurl: I treasure all the handwritten notes my daughter-in-law has sent me. Every Christmas I display a handmade card she sent when she and my son were first dating.</p>
<p>Alh, thanks for encouragement. I guess my nervousness is that I’m flying to their home, and they have 6 family members. Besides my son, it’s just me. Also, would you stay with them, or motel?</p>
<p>We don’t vacation places that involve air travel and hotels and such. But we do still travel with each other’s families. We say thank you by contributing to cleaning, cooking, etc and by playing games with each other. We usually buy the alcohol, too. We don’t really do thank you gifts and honestly I don’t know how I’d react to my whole vacation being paid for. Never been in that situation and I highly doubt I ever will be.</p>
<p>For Christmas, my SO spends it with my family and me because his family celebrates later in the week (which I also go to). It works out very well. We give the parents joint gifts. Last year was the first year that any of their sons (I am dating the youngest) had given them a present. They were a bit confused when they got it…</p>
and its more fun with more people!</p>