<p>I completely agree! I think it’s ridiculous how judgmental people are of celibacy (and I assume of asexuality too). I just wanted to make a point that it can be a choice too, not just something you are born with, and a choice you are proud of - people can be a little ignorant sometimes.</p>
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<p>I don’t think the choice to live without sex is frowned upon, perhaps by parents who are waiting to become grandparents, but that is their problem.
And actually if a young person repeatedly put themselves in a vulnerable and potentially dangerous situation every weekend, I don’t know anyone who would think that was healthy.
What sort of people do you know that would?
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<p>One of the reasons why we don’t pay for cable television, is because of the tasteless offerings that seem to dominate. But just because that crap sells advertising, that isn’t how I think most people arrive at their values and priorities.</p>
<p>I am very physical, I’m a physical learner & that is also how I communicate best, but not everyone is like that, and I quite admire those who live a spartan life and who do not give in to the desires of the flesh but live beyond it.</p>
<p>But somebody has to keep the genetics for red hair going!!!</p>
<p>Actually, it’s quite frowned upon. Even in my office, I hear people make comments about this issue and either imply that it’s impossible (aka the person is doing something secretly on the side) or say that something must be wrong if a person makes that choice. And these are not young people talking like that either. I was pretty appalled too. First, because I really don’t think this is a subject for office discussion. And second, because I always kind of assumed that as people get older they may get more tolerant. I can guarantee you that in many places if someone were to find out that a coworker was asexual or celibate, there would be a lot of gossip, which I think is sad and quite absurd.</p>
<p>Well there is a lot to be said for being self/unemployed.
Aren’t there more important things than gossiping about coworkers?</p>
<p>Exactly, right? In general, I can’t believe how much gossip goes on! I don’t know why people participate.</p>
<p>I don’t know about geriatrics- some say those folks are darned interested and act on it. </p>
<p>But, yes, this thread poses a very interesting question. Why not? And if we are to be fair, we watch how we label this some sort of aberration.</p>
<p>Psych, I tend to be anti-label, because I think it can form a closed mindset, at times. Or limit one’s confidence about moving forth. Or a tendency to go let everyone know whatever this label is. Appropriate in some situations, not in others. Most of us are more than the words associated with one aspect of our being. Not just about sexuality. I guess it depends on the resaons one announces whatever it is- and the context.</p>
<p>I just checked – there are dating sites for the asexual. Here’s the first one I found:
[Asexualitic.com</a> - Meet Asexual People - Asexuality is not celibacy - Platonic relationship - Asexuality](<a href=“http://www.asexualitic.com/]Asexualitic.com”>http://www.asexualitic.com/)</p>
<p>I do think it make sense for that to be clear at the start. I actually am guessing that disclosure would make it easier to form a relationship, because it eliminates a lot of the games that are played with dating.</p>
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<p>This still seems out of line with much of what I’ve read–and what how my friend explained it when she came out–all of which are clear to make the distinction between sexual drive, sexual behavior, and sexual desire (sexual attraction). Some people who identify as asexual report having sexual drives (and there’s no reason to doubt them) but that drive is not directed toward anyone. In other words, they don’t feel any desire to actually have sex despite experiencing physiological arousal/libido–kind of the flip side to someone who has difficulty experiencing physiological arousal but still desires sex. They’re not actively choosing to be celibate, mind you, but simply not desiring it due to their (a)sexual orientation. Tbh, it really doesn’t seem that different from any other sexual orientation in that regard, or many others.</p>
<p>There is discussion in the DSM-v.</p>
<p>@redhunginthat: If you were talking about the below example as slut shaming, I think I would disagree with you:
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<p>I hardly think I slut shame and I identify as a feminist at all times except when the mainstream movement upsets me to the degree that I go with something more like womanist, but I do question my friends - male and female - who do the above. I don’t think there’s a a set number of encounters at which the behavior goes from healthy to unhealthy, though I’d definitely question Wilt Chamberlain :).
For most people I know who have been with new people on a near-weekly basis (or sometimes on an hourly basis on weekend nights), they were doing that because they were unhappy. I know many people who can be happy with quite a few very low commitment hookups, but I’ve yet to meet anyone whose happiness uniformly increased with the number of their partners.</p>
<p>redhuntinghat, I think you have never been a celibate woman. And I am guessing you probably have never met a celibate man past, let’s say, the age of 23. Males, in my opinion, encounter much worse problems than celibate women. I think it’s not great that you choose to be so sarcastic about people’s experiences without walking a mile in their shoes.</p>
<p>And how is anyone shaming anyone in this thread? Just because people disagree with a certain lifestyle doesn’t mean that they are going to shame, put down, or bully those people. People on this forum disagree over parenting styles, for example, all the time. There is a world of difference between disagreement and actual bullying. And for what it’s worth, I don’t think anyone on this thread singled out women in particular when referring to these issues, it’s women AND men.</p>
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There’s this Seinfeld episode wherein Elaine, upon finding out that the Sponge will no longer be manufactured, stocks up on it. She then asks herself if a particular one-night stand is “sponge-worthy.” That was socially acceptable comedy. Yet, if one suggests that a person consider whether a one-night stand is “potentially incurable STD worthy” or “pregnancy scare worthy”, that person is “slut shaming”. [Slides glasses down nose and peers over them] Really?</p>
<p>(Incidentally, having been subjected to some serious verbal abuse on these boards over my statement that I was waiting until marriage, I fundamentally disagree that there is no such thing as chastity-shaming. It is much, much worse than so-called “slut shaming,” which is mostly just people pointing out that sexual activity has physical and emotional repercussions.)</p>
<p>Back to asexuality. Something in the OP’s post and subsequent comments made me recall '90s-era gay rights satire: “Did you choose to be heterosexual?” “Have you ever seen a psychologist to determine if you are really heterosexual?” “Are you really heterosexual or are you going to change your mind later?” </p>
<p>What’s wrong with giving this woman’s decisions and self-identification the same deference that we would give to other sexual orientations or choices?</p>
<p>Paraphrasing Shakespeare:</p>
<p>Some are born celibate, some achieve celibacy, and some have celibacy thrust upon them.</p>
<p>Acollege, I actually know quite a few virgin males who are my age (22). They don’t really get any flack because our friend group doesn’t care and they don’t go around talking about their sex life to coworkers. I work three jobs with plenty of 20somethings and I can’t tell you if any of them are celibate or not. We just don’t talk about sex lives.</p>
<p>Then again, the sexually active women I know don’t get any shaming either.</p>
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<p>I agree with Aries. Maybe you’ve heard of the movie “The 40 Year Old Virgin?” I’ve never actually watched it, but apparently the main character plays with toy action figures. In Hollywood, at least, the idea that there might be a nice, sexually normal, well-adjusted guy who hasn’t had sex by age 40 isn’t seen as believable.</p>
<p>For reasons I’ve never understood, in various games played in college/grad school/ groups of working young people “Where and when was your first time?” is a frequently asked question. If you are a guy over 25 and the honest answer to that question is “I haven’t” you’re probably going to get some pretty awful reactions if you tell the truth. You’ll also get some bad ones if you’re female, but I suspect that they won’t be quite as bad. </p>
<p>It helps if you are religious. If you’re a guy who belongs to Campus Crusade for Christ or some such group, then other people will tend to “explain” your sex life by your faith. It’s actually tougher, I think, for young people who aren’t especially devout but just feel sex should be with someone special and they just haven’t met anyone that special yet.</p>
<p>But, such people aren’t asexual, of course.</p>
<p>Thank you, jonri. And you are absolutely right - not having a “legitimate reason”, such as religion/culture makes the judgment more harsh.</p>
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Maybe your school is less liberal than you think it is 
Honestly, I don’t think high schoolers calling each other those things are being serious at all. They just seem to be looking for insults, and those are the common, convenient ones. I find that most traditional people who truly value modesty don’t use those words and find them abhorrent. I’ve seen girls call other girls sluts when they themselves were wearing clothes much more revealing.</p>
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People have different beliefs on what is moral. As long as no bullying goes on, I think we need to accept that. </p>
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How many people actually do this?
In my experience, it seems like a very, very small number of conservatives actually say this. the vast majority people realize it for what it is- a disgusting (and completely false) claim.</p>
<p>Harrassment of women who have been assaulted happens, all. The. Time.
[Rape</a> victim suing Lynnwood police | HeraldNet.com - Local news](<a href=“http://www.heraldnet.com/article/20130611/NEWS01/706129963]Rape”>Rape victim suing Lynnwood police | HeraldNet.com)</p>
<p>:eek: Well, that’s unfortunate. I didn’t know that was so common :(</p>
<p>I would argue that your school isn’t very liberal at all in that case. It sounds like it’s very liberal in some areas and conservative in others.
Liberal, by definition, would mean that people wouldn’t call out others as “sluts.”</p>
<p>Who even notices when someone wears a purity ring?</p>
<p>My best friend did in high school. I only knew because he told me. I later found out a few other friends did as well. No one noticed, let alone “nodded in approval”.</p>
<p>With that said, yes, assault victims are blamed when they’re wearing short skirts.</p>