<p>Today was one of those days where you just have to make yourself thankful for food/family/home. I got my breaks checked and the pads were GONE, also the thing that the pads cushion is nolonger usable, also some other thing has cracked and leaked funny black stuff inside the mechcanical parts. Bascially, it is going to make the 200 dollar mailbox look like lunch money. I knew something was worng, but I did not think it was that bad. fortunately, I went to the guys that I work with at my place of employment, so I know them pretty well. I think I can get them to cut me a lil break on the labor… We will see.</p>
<p>Danielle - this is just not your week, is it? I’m really sorry to hear about your car problems - but it’s important that your brakes work (obviously), so get them fixed. Good luck getting a break on the labor - that can definitely be a big help.</p>
<p>A few years ago, I questioned my nieces about “hooking up” - they are now 20 & 21, btw. They told me for younger kids, “hooking up” tends to mean making out, and for older ones it usually means having sex. Even kids in the middle school use that expression!</p>
<p>Thank you! Unfortunately, I have had to pick a few schools to not apply to because this week has put my seventeen yr old self into debt. This whole real world thing is scary. I dont know how I would handle all this crazimess without my parents. I have offically hit catastrophe level… </p>
<p>Ninja, how do you set up a pay pal?</p>
<p>As far as the cultural loss of innocence, it is astonishing!
Well there is very little one can do to protect one’s child from blatant exposure today.</p>
<p>I don’t really know about PayPal except that it essentially creates a way to transfer money from a bank account over the internet to another bank account. eBay bought it a few years ago. <a href=“http://www.paypal.com%5B/url%5D”>www.paypal.com</a></p>
<p>That’s really bad news about your car. It’s a shame it’s a necessity, otherwise you could put it off, like a/c. Maybe you can ask your parents to cover your car repairs as your “Christmas present?” Maybe they’ll split it with you. You’ve got a lot to balance but you shouldn’t have to do it all yourself.</p>
<p>I think I could get them to split it with me… That would be a definite christmas present. What also made it so expensive is that I inherited the car from a very wonderful relative who purchased a range rover to replace it, so it is a 2004 bmw, meaning that the parts have not been released by the manufarturer so it could not be purchased except through the manufacturer… which is all bad business for me. Deep breath.</p>
<p>one for the parents:</p>
<p>how do you guys ALWAYS find out when your kids are lying?</p>
<p>saying “i’m a mom/dad and i just know” or “its an intuition” are true i’m sure but not exactly what i’m looking for.</p>
<p>Honestly, Kristin, a lot of times it really is just intuition. As a mom, I know my kids and I recognize certain tones in their voices/looks in their eyes - stuff like that. I don’t think I’m 100% successful, but I get it right so much of the time that I doubt they lie very often. </p>
<p>My older one never lied until she got older - and now it’s more a matter of not telling rather than outright lying - and I still catch her at it a fair amount of times with no effort on my part. Her omissions always seem to involve her boyfriend - and I’m not sure why she feels the need as I am not especially strict. I really do let her have a good amount of freedom considering she is only 15. My younger one lies all the time, but he’s very easy to read and always ends up confessing…lol.</p>
<p>Jolynne,
I wanted to put in my 2 cents in advocating Girl Scouts for your daughter. My daughter was in GS for ten years and loved it. She did t-ball/softball until about 5th grade and then discovered she absolutely hated it. She did intermural soccer through 7th grade. Another team outlet is theatre. There’s nothing to compare to the comraderie of a group of kids working on a play. Around here there are many childrens and adult theatre groups. My daughter did not discover her outdoor self until she got into college and started serious backpacking and some rock climbing.</p>
<p>Don’t be discouraged if she’s not a sports kid -there are so many more “team” things to do.</p>
<p>Re the lying, yes teenagers-- we can OFTEN tell. Here are my divining secrets:</p>
<p>(1) circumstances/ experience: Say I get a phone call at 11 pm on a Friday saying “Can I spend the night at X’s; X’s mom says it’s fine; we’re going to work on history blah blah blah…” When X’s mom is unavailable to confirm the plan, and hey, it’s a Friday night, and hey I know X is “advanced” for his/her age and X has a big brother-- well, C’mon! Obviously it is a cover to attend a party. Only a real dummy wouldn’t figure that out. We were teenagers too; give us some credit for recognizing the obvious ones!!</p>
<p>(2) As mentioned above, look in eye, tone of voice, & (may I add) a certain “way too smooth/rehearsed” aspect (aka Eddie Haskell effect) to the delivery of the lie. Face it, we made you guys-- and we have been observing you for 16/17/18 years… we know what you look like when you deliver white lies about Grandma’s new haircut, we know what you look like when you eat a hated item to be polite, and say “Yum!” etc. Really it’s not much of a leap to intuit your whoppers.</p>
<p>(3) Post-lie discovery: the ones that slip through are often discovered afterwards, when an innocent remark from a neighbor flushes it out— “Wow, I couldn’t believe you’d let your D/S go to that college party; when my S told me he saw her there I was so surprised…” or “Well I was pretty upset about the car that knocked over my garbage cans but then your sweet little D/S came over and cleaned everything up so…” </p>
<p>My personal favorite was: “I thought it was so mature of your D to have a designated sober person at that party to keep everyone’s keys.” Gulp.</p>
<p>Turns out the designated sober person had called this mom because her D was too drunk to drive. This lie was discovered well after the fact: so a party had been held at my house, when I was away, two years before. It was a bit of a moot point by then with D in college.</p>
<p>But the best part was zinging D with it later, and making her think I was omniscient: I just casually refered to “that party you had when Dad & I were away…” and seeing the look of bustedness and horror on her face. “How did you find out?!” I just gave her a Cheshire Cat grin and said, “Oh honey, don’t even try to get stuff by me! I KNOW!”</p>
<p>Kristin- what teens don’t realize is that in the case of the “good” kids, their demeanor changes when they are guilty of subterfuge, I can many times tell by the extra perky (think eddie haskell) way my D tells me about something, that I’d better ask more questions.</p>
<p>We also know because we’ve been there, we were teens, we wanted to do things we were not sure our parents would allow, we remember- sometimes we miss the signs of lies, but many times, in hindsight, I realize it’s because I was not paying close enough attention, not that my kid was such a great liar!</p>
<p>Hmm, SBmom said it all so well and we agree on the Eddie Haskell thing, I had forgotten to mention outside sources, many times we hear little hints that we put together and realize that more digging is needed.</p>
<p>I think that it’s in the eyes. There are actually books and classes written on the suject. Some law enforcement branches teach courses in “how to catch a liar.”</p>
<p>Jolyne, Has you D ever considered working on or acting in a play? Theatre teaches kids to work as a team, and close friendships are very common among kids involved in all areas of a production. If your D is not a performer, there are always opportunites to join in as a crew member, to set painter, stage managers, prop master, or to be part of the costume crew. Everyone works together for a common goal and many of the plays done at this level have wonderful subject matter and food for thought at school and at home. Theatre can be a blast!</p>
<p>I think parents would make excellent poker players. Both professions look for body language and non-verbal signals. There’s also a line from Ocean’s 11 that makes good sense. Linus (Damon) is being instructed on how to answer a question.</p>
<p>Rusty (Pitt): “I ask you a question, you have to think of the answer, where you gonna look?” - Linus looks down - Rusty: “Death. You look down, they you’re lying.” - Lines looks up - “And up they know you don’t know the truth. Don’t use three words when one will do, don’t shift your eyes, looks always at your mark but don’t stare…” it goes on from there.</p>
<p>Yes, re poker-- I probably forgot to mention:</p>
<p>(4) Bluffing… That’s when you pretend to know more than you know and they spill the rest.</p>
<p>HOw do we know our teens are lying? Sometimes it’s the underground mom network. I try very hard to stay in contact with the mothers of the friends and even acquaintances of my D (and my 5-years-older S when he was in high school); DH and I set a precedent with S of calling the alleged location he was supposed to be at and following up with other parents. When D came to that stage, she was resigned to the fact that her parents were dorks and made these annoying phone calls to other parents.</p>
<p>Notwithstanding, just having gone through the teenaged years with S, being POSITIVE we knew everything that went on–and then S telling us in the last couple of years several of the escapades he had that we never knew about–we are no longer so naive as to believe that we know everything that D is doing. We do believe–as much as parents can know–that she has good judgment and good sense, and that if she got in a bad situation she would call us.</p>
<p>Also, sometimes we bluff. This often works. As parents who are both lawyers, we’re really good at that stuff.</p>
<p>Soozievt, that shorts/leggings/boots outfit was what my daughter got off the plane in for Thanksgiving. She’s down at UCLA. I thought she was heading off to a 70s party, but apparently it is fashion.</p>
<p>dg5052 - you are so right about bluffing (although you gave away my secret weapon…lol). Because I know my kids, I can almost always tell when something fishy is going on - and I pretty much always bluff the truth out of them. </p>
<p>Danielle - I hope today was a lot better than yesterday!</p>
<p>lol, thank you limo.
I am still smiling… though I discovered today that I was in danger of not graduating. The old requirement mandated either a year of a practical art or a performing art. Well I had three years of performing art type classes and the councilor who approved my classes abruptly fired for general incompetence. Right before that, the requirement was changed requiring both. I love my new councilor (she was my math teacher fresh/soph year), yet she came in three monthes after the old one was forced to resign and so there was no councilor from july into the first month of school She has done alot to make up for lost time, but the amount of work left for her has been horrendous. </p>
<p>Anyway, she is going to put in a good word for me with the media tech 2 teacher… who may decide not to take me because 1) we are well into the year and 2) I did not take media tech one.</p>
<p>But it will work out. I am okay. Home from work and about to go to self defense. Hitting people will brighten my day, I am sure.</p>
<p>Danielle, if you get denied, there are a few online providers of high school classes that you may be able to work something out with that operate on a block schedule. The Georgia and Florida Virtual Schools both accept OOS students. Your school system may cover the cost of enrollment or it may be out of pocket, but you may be able to complete an online class to get that extra requirement taken care of. </p>
<p>If you don’t accepted into your media tech class, I would talk to the principal. You shouldn’t have to suffer from things beyond your control.</p>
<p>Yea, or I may do it at the comminity college… yikes, that place scares me. There are more sexual assaults there then nearly any other in my welfare/prison town. I think Id do online. Thank you (yet again) for bringing some logic into the craziness. If the teacher denies me, the principal makes the call, and she sort of loves me. She has been my principal since third grade.</p>