<p>Danielle - don’t be dumbfounded. I don’t know about your neighborhood, but where I live, people gossip like crazy, and everybody seems to know what’s going on in everyone elses’ lives. We all worry about our kids, and we listen to the gossip, especially if it pertains to our kids or friends of our kids, or even kids at their school - and then we take our kids’ personalities/values into account before deciding how they might react before we take any actions. Your parents obviously had faith that you would act appropriately. I have faith in my D as well.</p>
<p>Haha, they read an email when I left my computer on.</p>
<p>That’s funny - but I would probably do the same. How do you think the gossip starts? Obviously, somebody’s kid leaves their email on - or something like that…lol.</p>
<p>So my mom just said it was fine for me to go to reno with this friend. I will not (of course)partake in illegal or dishonorable events, but its really cool that she knows this (it often feels like she does not).</p>
<p>haha i love this thread</p>
<p>We have such an diverse mix of ppl and interesting questions, its always entertaining.</p>
<p>And this is how ask danielle died.</p>
<p>Oh you never know when one of us will have another burning question!!</p>
<p>I don’t know if I would call this a burning question, but I am curious - do you teens talk to people you don’t know while you’re on Myspace or Facebook? The reason I am asking is that my D is normally very cautious about these things, and yesterday she told me that she had switched from using just her last initial to using her full last name on Facebook because using just the initial was causing problems for her on her school’s newspaper when she submitted articles (something like that). Anyway, she told me some guy with the same last name contacted her to ask if they were related and she wanted to know if 1) we were related (we’re not), and 2) if she could respond and tell him that (I said ok, but that she should not accept this guy as a friend). Well, later that night, I went into her room to put her clean laundry on her dresser, and her computer screen was still up and it contained her conversation with this guy (which I couldn’t help reading). He was telling her how gorgeous she is and asking if they were related, where she lives, and all sorts of personal (not really invasive, just personal) questions. She did answer him, keeping her answers non-specific (for example, when he asked where she lived, she just said she’s a New Yorker and did not say where in NY she lived). Still, I didn’t realize you could have whole conversations with people who were not your “friends” while on Facebook - and I find it a little scary. Is this common?</p>
<p>Myspace: Yes, often
Facebook: Almost never (at least with the college crowd) - Facebook isn’t designed for meeting new, random people, except perhaps people within your school or community. If she doesn’t do this now, suggest that she keep her profile hidden to people she has not friended, even if they are in a network together.</p>
<p>Thanks Corranged. My D deleted her Myspace a few years ago. I think she does have her Facebook profile hidden, but I guess this guy searched under his last name and found her that way. He didn’t seem to know anything about her because he asked where she lived and if she worked or went to school. She gave him pretty obscure answers so I don’t think he would know how to find her. I just had no idea you could engage in full conversations like that with someone who was not in your network and/or who was not a friend. My D is fairly cautious about these things, but I worry about other kids who are not so paranoid.</p>
<p>
I only talk to friends on Facebook, and I don’t use Myspace.</p>
<p>MySpace is generally known as a haven for that kind of behavior. Facebook has absolutely dominated the market share among my peers though, because it’s a much cleaner interface (fewer ads, better web design) and there’s a greater degree of privacy. I can’t really speak to having conversations with people I don’t know online (I’m an 18-year-old guy) but I know it does happen. The biggest thing is making sure your daughter knows the danger of talking to unknown people. I don’t know anyone who uses MySpace except as a link to their Facebook.</p>
<p>For those of you who don’t know, anyone (and their mother) can view a MySpace page but to view someone’s Facebook page, you have to submit a friend request. You can send messages, kind of like Facebook-emails, without being someone’s friend. I’ve never met someone I didn’t know, except for one kid. Turns out, he goes by his first name now and I didn’t recognize the last name or face, because I went to elementary school with him and hadn’t seen him for 6 years. Needless to say, it hasn’t been a problem.</p>
<p>I never had a facebook, but on myspace (while I never engaged conversations with people I out right did not know) it was very common for people to begin talking to friends of friends that they otherwise would not. For example, While with my friend Sara, I meet Sara’s friend Kaite at a football game. Before myspace I might have never really talked to Cathy again had we not exchanged fone numbers. Myspace changed that.</p>
<p>Yet eventually I shut mine down due to security/privacy issues.
People you do not or do not want to communicate with are greatly enabled by myspace to still know what you are up to. Not cool.</p>
<p>"You can send messages, kind of like Facebook-emails, without being someone’s friend. "</p>
<p>I think this is what happened with the guy who contacted my daughter. He must have searched his last name and found my D who has the same last name. I just didn’t like that he was able to know her first and last name and see her picture even though he wasn’t a friend. I had no idea that was possible (obviously, I’m not that familiar with either My Space of Facebook). She told me about him emailing her to find out if we were possibly related, and asked if she should let him know that we were not. I told her that was ok, I just didn’t realize he would ask her so many personal questions once he found out they were not related. Luckily, she understands that she shouldn’t give out personal information to people she doesn’t know. </p>
<p>Ninja, I’m glad the person you didn’t recognize turned out to be an old school friend.</p>
<p>I think so as well…
I dont even have a myspace anymore but if I can still search people and pull up their picture, the city they live in, and even there profile (sometimes). SInce I do not have a myspace, I cannot send them a message, but If I signed up for one, I could immediately contact (via myspace message) anyone else with a myspace (that recieces messages)… At least that was how it went when I had a myspace.</p>
<p>You can set your Facebook profile so that you’re not searchable, but that causes problems since people who really know you and want to be your friend can’t find your Facebook. You can also make your profile picture private to non-friends. The privacy options are extensive. If she wants you to, look it over with her. On the Facebook page in the upper-right, I believe, there is a link that says “Privacy” or “Privacy Settings.” You can look at all the options there.</p>
<p>Thanks corranged. I believe my D has her privacy setting set so that although people can see her name and photo, they don’t see where she lives or her network(s). I think this is the first time that a stranger has ever contacted her, so hopefully it won’t be a problem. I will tell her about the extensive privacy options you mentioned, but I won’t make her change anything if she doesn’t want to - I will just tell her not to talk to that guy anymore if he tries to contact her again (I know she did not accept him as a friend). Since she asked me before she responded to his question, I trust her to not take any chances or give out too much information. I just think it’s scary because not all kids are that aware of the dangers. Plus, this guy really did ask a lot of personal questions about where she lived, where she worked, where she went to school - and she just said in New York. It’s still scary to me because I know if you google her name, she is the first person to come up and and it’s all stuff from her high school, so if a creepy person is determined to find her, it wouldn’t be hard at all. I just never gave it much thought before because I know she normally wouldn’t respond to a person she didn’t know. Now I’ll have to tell her to be more aware.</p>
<p>facebook is def more secure wise. only friends can view ur profile and those in your network, unless u have really high privacy settings</p>
<p>I know Facebook used to be more secure, but I have heard that is no longer the case. I could be wrong - but that is what people have been saying. I guess people just have to use their common sense when using either one of those services.</p>