<p>Exactly. </p>
<p>I think the older guy should ideally see her as younger and more innocent and should feel protective of her (think: big brother). That doesn’t seem to be the case here, given the drunken make-out.</p>
<p>tdanielle can you please explain why my 15y.o. daughter spends 25 minutes in the morning getting dressed and 5 minutes on breakfast and everything else she needs to do before leaving for school in the morning?</p>
<p>thanks for the input parents–i totally appreciate it.</p>
<p>corranged: big bro/lil sis is way more fitting than how i described our relationship (i was in a hurry and didn’t really think it through!) what i meant by our inebriated makeout session (great wording, haha) was that it was probably the most awkward ever and nothing remotely close has happened since. </p>
<p>i completely get where you guys are coming from–after all, it does make sense that a naive teenager could be completely duped by the older guy. however, knowing our relationship and how much we trust each other (yes, i know this is mutual), i’m pretty confident that for one reason or another there aren’t any ulterior motives going on. so, to rephrase:</p>
<p>if he and i have what we both consider to be a strong and healthy friendship, and i’m beginning to feel badly that i essentially lie to my parents when i want to hang out with him, what would be the best way to be honest with them and avoid as many questions as possible?</p>
<p>and limom, it’s definitely reassuring to know that i’m not the only person who is friends with someone significantly older than i am.</p>
<p>thanks guys</p>
<p>and vicariousparent, when you find that out…let me know!</p>
<p>How come girls seem to constantly overlook the ‘deep and sweet’ boys in favor of the frat boy hook-up types? I DONT GET IT.</p>
<p>Here’s another vote in favor of the sweet guys (I’m dating one). I’ve never understood the appeal of “frat boy hook-up types,” personally.</p>
<p>kristin:</p>
<p>Firstly, you should go ahead and tell your parents the truth about him and what your relationship is like (now) since you don’t feel comfortable not doing so. Don’t expect them to necessarily embrace the idea - especially your father (who’ll understand more of the perspective I stated earlier). Unless the older guy’s in a committed relationship already, which seems doubtful if he spends much time with you and I doubt his partner would be big on the idea, keep in mind that his perspective on the relationship might be different than yours and change over time so keep up a bit of guard on it.</p>
<p>OTOH - I’m generalizing somewhat.</p>
<p>Oh, and I’m Elisabeth, a seventeen-year-old college freshman (eighteen on Thursday!), and I will also answer any questions you would like me to.</p>
<p>OK, in defense of the frat boys… I’m not really into dating frat boys myself, but I’m not all that into boys, period. Looking at the last two girls I was with, though, there’s one of each: a sweet, somewhat dorky girl, and a loud, wild girl–the female version of a “frat boy hook-up type.” The crazy girl was hands down more fun than the nice girl. At my age, I’m not looking that far into the future; I’m not looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with. The sweet girl was, well, sweet, and earnest, and endearing. There was nothing really wrong with her, and we had a pretty good time together. The “bad” girl, on the other hand, was adventurous, aggressive, and invigorating. There were definitely things wrong with her, and she was a little too wild for me, but she kept me on my toes. There’s something to be said for being challenged. </p>
<p>Anyway, they were both more trouble than they were worth, but let’s just say I understand the appeal. Maybe it takes a particular personality.</p>
<p>Are we doing introductions here? I’m a (recently-turned) nineteen-year-old college sophomore.</p>
<p>kristin,</p>
<p>I have had two odd-aged friendships (one older and one younger) that were totally lovely so I am on your side on this one. I think people can connect on an essence level with people who are not their own age. Rare but possible.</p>
<p>It sounds like you have known him a while. If you trust him, I bet he’s a good guy. If you want to talk to your parents about it, I would first seed in some comments about ‘John’ that explain WHY you like him, WHY you trust him (stuff like, he gives you good advice, or supports you in your ambitions, or whatever would be true that a parent would also be on board with). They might need to have a “feel” for the essence of the relationship to get past the age thing. And definitely have him come to the house and meet them. </p>
<p>I’d probably seed in some praise comments for a few days and and then say something like, “probably he gives such good advice because he’s been through college already… It’s nice to have an older friend who can give a different perspective; I feel like he’s my big brother. I want you to meet him so you can see for yourself what a good guy he is…” something like that…</p>
<p>Vicarious parent…I seriously don’t really know, but I happen to do this myself =P. My mother always asks me this and I don’t particularly have an answer.
idk I think I move slower and have a slower reaction time in the morning which makes me picking an outfit and getting dressed take longer than normal, plus I have to try to figure out what to wear depending on the weather, whether or not I have gym (try changing out of tights…), what is going on that day (do I have an English presentation? am I going somewhere after school?), etc. Its a lot of thought for the morning (I should be doing this at night but I’m too lazy). And, I guess I keep fidgeting with my outfit/makeup until I realize that there are 5 minutes left in which I need to eat breakfast and pack my lunch. </p>
<p>I usualyl end up taking my breakfast to go. Drink milk as I pack my lunch, eat a croissant on the bus, some fruit during 3rd period, lunch at 6th, come home to a snack a few hours later.
It works out fine for me, I tend to not have a huge appetite, haha.</p>
<p>BTW thanks all for the feedback on my question. :)</p>
<p>corranged, I think you are giving frat boys waaaay too much credit. Not that frat boys are really so monolithic – they come in all flavors, but “adventurous, aggressive, invigorating” and wild isn’t such a common one.</p>
<p>Well, I was combining it with the “bad boys,” who were also mentioned along the same lines as the non-sweet guy.</p>
<p>I meant more the dull but pumped beer drinker… the cliche ‘guy’…</p>
<p>Vicarious parent, I intend to answer you fully and completely, but not tonight. I backed into a mailbox pulling out of my driveway, while also attempting to recall lines and program my gps… Lesson: Multi tasking, not brilliant. I am currently writing my neighbor an apology letter and then will begin math, gov hw.</p>
<p>frat boys are dangerous, yet so are many other things. For instance there are about nine ways to die from a popsicle stick. This is all the brain power left in my head for tonite and tommorrow begins way to soon (to the tune of 4:30).</p>
<p>One more thing.</p>
<p>Please note: the people who are partners with me in this forum are ninja.of.love (guy opinion) and Kristen (college opinion). I do not vouch for anyone elses advice that you may recieve here.</p>
<p>Ah, I thought the question was more along the lines of “why not the sweet boy?” whether the alternative is frat-like/crazy/brooding/distant/druggie/whatever.</p>
<p>But, I think you’ve answered your own question, SBmom: He’s the cliche ‘guy.’ He’s attractive, perhaps, for being such a stereotypical guy. Smart guys fall head over heels for beautiful but dull and dumb girls every day. You’re witnessing the reverse. It’s just attraction to the stereotype member of the opposite sex. Those other non-sweet guys may be attractive for being mysterious, or adventurous, or a challenge, or different, or whatever else. And then the sweet guys, of course, are attractive for being sweet and (eventually) get girls who appreciate that. </p>
<p>The stupidest reasons for attraction usually fade with time and experience, so I tend to go with the easy adage that it all works out in the end (even though sometimes it doesn’t).</p>
<p>Oh, sorry parents, I’m apparently not “vouched for,” so beware of whatever I’ve said thus far. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>haha corranged, i highly doubt the matriarch of this thread, aka danielle, meant to step on any toes when mentioning me and ninja. i appreciate reading your replies!</p>
<p>question for danielle: what are your college aspirations? any way i can help?</p>
<p>Lol, corranged, I did not mean to offend, I simply have not agreed with much of the feedback given by some freelancers that have visited us. </p>
<p>Thank you for the offer, I plan to get my degree than join the peace core. The school where I get my education is not near as important as the mere fact that I do. College education is new to my family.</p>
<p>The second part is to kirsten, lol</p>