<p>Moonchild - how did your daughter recognize those traits in herself?</p>
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<p>I definitely agree with this statement. After my diagnosis, I felt extremely depressed about my future. I read of all the extra challenges that an individual with Asperger’s may experience and didn’t imagine it being a good thing at all.</p>
<p>Now, about eighteen months post-diagnosis, I can’t believe my luck. I would never, ever change the way that my brain is wired. In my work, I have found my niche. Surrounded by individuals who think in “big picture” terms, I can be counted on to always speak up about the tiny details they may have missed. I am the one that they ask to calculate the numbers side of things, fix the computers, or plan out the logistics. I am valued for my honesty, even when it may “hurt” to hear the truth.</p>
<p>I think I am very lucky to have found a position that really allows me to use my strengths. There are certainly parts that I struggle with; talking with people spontaneously, talking on the phone, eye contact, etc. But, because I am able to help others in the ways defined above, they seem to be more accepting and are willing to help me out in return. It’s pretty awesome.</p>
<p>And in my athletic endeavours, too, symptoms of Asperger’s have been beneficial! I am able to pursue my passion (cycling) with an intensity that I imagine might be “too much” for most neurotypicals. I truly “live and breathe” the sport, everyday of every week. And, in races, where I’m extremely close to others, I feel perfectly fine. It seems that most neurotypicals feel uncomfortable about the lack of “personal space,” but for me, I’ve never really noticed it anyway. Because I am comfortable being close, I am able to draft more closely and save more energy, which ultimately helps me to win more races. Not a bad thing, of course!</p>
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I don’t mean to speak for moonchild, but couldn’t resist responding to this here, as I feel strongly that autism spectrum disorders are under-diagnosed in females. It tends to be expressed differently in some females (different special interests, less severe social impairments, etc.) and they are also more likely to internalize problems, which leads to later identification than the externalizers. There is a very good chart about common traits of Asperger’s females here: <a href=“http://help4aspergers.com/pb/wp_a58d4f6a/images/img244154ad237783e339.JPG[/url]”>http://help4aspergers.com/pb/wp_a58d4f6a/images/img244154ad237783e339.JPG</a> </p>
![http://help4aspergers.com/pb/wp_a58d4f6a/images/img244154ad237783e339.JPG[/url]](http://help4aspergers.com/pb/wp_a58d4f6a/images/img244154ad237783e339.JPG%5B/url%5D){kind=link}
<p>I, personally, had all the hallmark symptoms of autistic disorder (language delay, repetitive and stereotyped behaviors, sensory sensitivities, lack of significant peer relationships, etc.), but was not diagnosed until the age of 19. I kept accumulating diagnoses to describe my symptoms (OCD, social anxiety, etc.) and then, by chance, ended up in an autism research position in college. I sometimes wonder if I ever would have been identified had it not been for that strange twist of fate. The diagnosis had made a gigantic difference in my acceptance of myself and overall quality of life.</p>
<p>Wow…after reading that list, I realize that my H’s niece has most of those traits.</p>
<p>is there a similar list for males???</p>
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<p>There is one here: [help4aspergers.com</a> - List of Asperger Traits](<a href=“http://help4aspergers.com/pb/wp_4a3112c8/wp_4a3112c8.html]help4aspergers.com”>http://help4aspergers.com/pb/wp_4a3112c8/wp_4a3112c8.html)</p>
<p>I think it’s important to remember, however, that it’s just a list of common traits and not diagnostic criteria by any means. The proposed revisions to the diagnostic criteria are listed at the DSMV.org site, by the way…</p>
<p>My 2c…I have a son with Asperger’s (DS1) and a son (DS2) who does not have Asperger’s, but is often reluctant to say thanks. </p>
<p>DS2 is off in college now and I’ve sent plenty of boxes of goodies. But then I never heard if he got them. Finally I told him that if I don’t hear he gets a package, I won’t send them anymore. Now he writes to tell me when a package arrives. </p>
<p>His emails are certainly worth the effort to send the goodies. In addition to writing me an update of what’s happening, he also adds “thanks for the package”.</p>
<p>This has been a fascinating discussion, including the various links and illuminating posts from people with Asperger’s. I haven’t come to any conclusions regarding my son and whether or not the diagnosis fits him - I don’t feel I’m qualified to say, and I’m not sure it would be beneficial for him one way or another to have a label at this point in his life. As I said above, he doesn’t seem to be concerned or feel he has a problem. </p>
<p>Lots to think about.</p>
<p>“2. Asperger babies according to some studies are larger at birth compared to other siblings. Our 1st 2 were born in the 7lb range, our DS2 was over 9 lbs.”</p>
<p>I’d say this is wrong. I was 4ish lbs when i was born. :P</p>
<p>Funny thing is when i was younger… i hated it if anyone so much as removed a tag from a stuffed animals. i still am 
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<p>I was asked what my mom did. She positivly renforced it 
over and over. I also stayed with my grandparents for a while and that helped as well.</p>
<p>I came across this today in a book I am reading…</p>
<p>“The child with asperger’s syndrome will not change his or her behavior unless the reason is logical. The teaching style is that of making a mutual discover in the social world. The person with Asperger’s syndrome is almost an anthropologist, conducting research on a newly discovered culture; and the “teacher” or representative of the culture will need to discover and appreciate the perspective, different way of thinking, and culture of the person with asperger’s. It is important not to make a value judggmment that one culture is superior to the other.”</p>
<p>After we found out that our DS had too mild of a form for an IEP. Each yr., we talked to the teacher to let them know of this, I even respected teacher’s saying “knowing that I think mr/ms. X would be a better fit for him”. Asperger children are not visual learners, at least mine wasn’t. He was literal, he needed that logical reasoning of why 4 +4 = 8, and using sugar cubes just wasn’t good enough, because the teacher told them that for math today they would make a house out of the cubes. The Math lesson was hidden in a different form. To our DS at age 6, his goal was not Math, it was to build the house.</p>
<p>We use to joke when he was little that he would make a great cop, because he followed the teacher’s rules to a T, and would get upset with the class if they didn’t. It caused great frustration to him, because he could not comprehend why the other kids were doing this. I would love to say it was what we did as parents, but it wasn’t it was his mindset.</p>
<p>The only real problem I have found as a parent with an Asperger child, is that the little things when he was younger were very frustrating. For example, loud noises drove him crazy, to the point he would start crying with his hands over his ears. I had to learn the signs before he got to his meltdown point, and when I did I was able to tell the teachers the signs and ask them to let him go outside for a sip of water. We also taught him that it was okay to ask to remove yourself. It was working with the teachers from a young age that it became more bearable.</p>
<p>Try teaching an asperger child how to tie their shoes, you will be amazed because it is natural to you, and you don;t care which bow goes over which. Our asperger at 3 was adamant that only the right bow could go over the left because that is how I showed him the 1st time.</p>
<p>Like I said it is the silly little things when they are very young and not diagnosed yet that will make you go up and down the wall. He was our third child, so you would have thought I could see the signs very early on, but it wasn’t until he was 4 that I really started seeing it, and by the time he was 5 I had started to push the school to test him. It was 2 yrs later that we found out, after multiple times of testing.</p>
<p>BTW I know of many Asperger children who are mis-diagnosed with ADD, because one sign of Aspergers is their social issues and attention span. At young ages @ kindergarten, that is how teachers think because circle time is a big deal, thus they are led down this path. Our school quickly outweighed this diagnosis because they 1st try the old trick of giving Mt Dew to the child to see if they can focus better. It didn’t have any effect on our DS, thus they said okay let’s look other places.</p>
<p>Icedragon at 4lbs were you a preemie?</p>
<p>One other tip for those of you who think that their child has Aspergers regarding the school system. A lot of times it is also missed if the child is a boy and born very late in the school yr. For us, our DS is born the end of May, many of the teachers pushed it aside because they thought he was a boy and the youngest in the class, so it is not uncommon that they are less mature. His academic abilities were on par, it was just things like socialization and motor skills, which they felt he would outgrow. Don’t go down the garden path thinking they must be right and I am wrong. </p>
<p>It is hard to acknowledge that your child may have an issue, but you do no good to them, yourself, your family or the school if you choose to believe they will grow out of it, they won’t.</p>
<p>I am not saying rush to the school and test, but if they have the characteristics of an asperger child, than start evaluating them on your own until you have a strong feeling either way.</p>
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<p>I know a guy that I am certain has Asperger’s but he is undiagnosed. (He’s around 60, so the diagnosis didn’t exisit when he was in school.) Anyway, he testifies as an expert witness in usury cases. Same thing…pages and pages of spreadsheets of interest calculations that would make everyone else’s eyes glaze over in 15 seconds.</p>
<p>Had to laugh about the shoe tying…thank goodness for velcro tennis shoes! Son finally learned right before 3rd grade when we promised him his first Pokemon cards! (Parents of male Aspies, how many of your little guys had THAT obsession?)</p>
<p>Teaching my son to tie his shoes, what a nightmare. What did Aspie parents do before velcro shoes?</p>
<p>Fang Jr didn’t do Pokemon. He skipped right over that to start with Magic.</p>
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<p>Pokemon is one of the things that made us think “something is up with this kid.” We were on vacation, and all Son wanted to do was sit at a desk with paper and pencil and create his own incredibly detailed Pokemon cards. Obsession, anyone?</p>
<p>Cardinal Fang - yes, you are so right about the top ten list of important things. As I told a dear friend, when you have a child with Asperger’s you are more worried about remembering to tell them not to pick up the food from the buffet line and smell it.</p>
<p>The difficulty with teaching social skills is that there isn’t a nice neat curriculum with a handy scope and sequence chart. While most parents try to hit the obvious goals, they are often thwarted by the unexpected, the unanticipated. A parent becomes hyper vigilant, hoping they have covered any situations that could be horribly embarrassing for their child and for those around them.</p>
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<p>I think of it like being a visitor in a very different culture. Your host would remember to tell you the obvious like “don’t eat with your left hand” but then would be alternatively amused and horrified by the faux pas you’d unknowingly make, that she didn’t think about in advance.</p>
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<p>What I love about Aspie’s behavior is that it often makes so much sense, even if it’s not socially acceptable. I’ve personally gotten sick from something I’ve eaten at a buffet-type restaurant and if I’d picked it up and smelled it first, it probably would have saved me!</p>
<p>But Missy, you wouldn’t have put it back on the tray :)</p>
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<p>Ah, but my behavior probably would have been just as mortifying for my kids, because I probably would have called an employee over to remove it!</p>
<p>My Aspie son is really into smells too. And buffets? If the food smells good while dishing it out, he’d start eating it before he left the buffet line. I think he still does this to a degree, even at age 20+.</p>
<p>Indeed i was. I also had to stay in the NICU for ~3 weeks.</p>
<p>Funny, someone mentioned aspies are like anthropologists… well, thats one of my majors that i’m takeing :)</p>