Well they are certainly more publicized due, in large part, to the proliferation of 24 hour news networks.
^Exactly. Any time something bad happens anywhere in the world, we hear about it almost instantly.
My brother recently retired from the FBI. For several years he posed as a 14-year-old on the Internet catching predators. He knows a lot about real ways kids can get hurt, but he always shakes his head at parents who are afraid to let their kids ride their bikes around the neighborhood, walk to school, stay home alone, play unsupervised in the neighborhood, etc. He says the world is NOT any less safe than it was decades ago, only that every incident is so publicized that many live in artificial fear of what will never happen and make their children’s worlds smaller as a result. For example, he says many parents are afraid of abductions, and that statistic HAS risen, but not the Polly Klaas type. The increase is not due to “stranger danger” but rather domestic disputes where a parent or guardian disappears with a child based on what they fear from the other parent or guardian — and even that abduction is more likely to happen during a scheduled parent handover at school, the church parking lot, or home than a random “snatch” while the child is out exploring his world. His own two kids walked back and forth six blocks to school from kindergarten, played in the local woods, and roamed in the neighborhood until the street lights came on, same as we did when we were young. We did the same with our son.
I agree with those above who say that this question is not really about age. It’s about how you as a parent feel about your world and what you know about your child’s ability to navigate his world safely and confidently at every age.
Very sad that one of the main dangers to kids is their own parents. 
Actually, I am pretty sure the stats show the risks are much lower now than we were kids. What has increased dramatically is paranoia.
I live in MD, which as Marian already pointed out, regulates the age for leaving kids alone. I think I didn’t leave my oldest home alone until she had just turned 11 - mostly when I was shuttling my other kids to/from activities. I would’ve left her earlier, but she didn’t like being home alone. The rest of my kids were younger, and at varying ages depending on their maturity level. My youngest most definitely stayed home alone the earliest and I’d leave her for longer periods simply b/c she was fine with it.
In terms of independence outside the house, mine were fairly free to roam the neighborhood, but nowhere else. We live on a peninsula - leaving the peninsula involves a narrow, curvy 2 lane road with no shoulders or sidewalks and in some cases, not even a grassy patch to walk along. Hence, they had to be driven everywhere if they wanted to leave the neighborhood. My boys when they were maybe 13 and 11 wanted to ride their bikes to the pool (4ish miles) and I let them but was a nervous wreck that first two miles, after that it was fine. In all honesty, I wouldn’t feel the need to worry about it if not for the invention of cell phones, but alas, too many drivers looking down at their phones and not paying attention to the road. It is not an unfounded fear that they might get hit by a car. Sadly, a beloved friend died four years ago while riding her bike (different road) after getting hit by an inattentive driver - she left behind a husband and three kids, and tons of friends (I also lost a friend as a kid who got hit by a car in my “safe” neighborhood and dh himself was hit by a car as a teen. Doctor said he survived w/o head trauma b/c he was wearing a helmet).
The biggest threat in my neighborhood is the water. We live in a 1/4 mile wide peninsula, surrounded by water obviously. While there is a house b/w ours and one side of the peninsula, we are only 150 feet from the water and no fences around houses. My kids could easily head down numerous piers and fall in. They were taught from an early age not to go on any piers w/o an adult, but it meant constantly checking out the window to make sure they were in eye/earshot when they were a bit younger. Or they had to tell me when they were going around the block or inside someone’s house.
I never really worried about kidnapping. However, when I was in my 20s, my cousin’s friend was kidnapped and killed by someone who was never caught. My cousin was about 9-10 years old and was the last person to see her alive - going into a shop with a man she assumed was the girl’s father. My poor cousin was interviewed by the FBI, saw a sketch artist, etc. Sadly they found the girl’s body sometime later. Ugh, just found this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Amy_Mihaljevic
When I was a kid in the 70s, I was given free range and walked all over to see my friends - none lived right in my little section but my close friends lived about 3/4 mile away. Our community pool was about 1.5 miles away. At some point, my mom had gone back to work as a nurse, so in order to get anywhere, I had to walk. I will never forget when I was in 7th grade, walking home from the pool alone and some guy drive past me slowly. I didn’t pay much attention until he turned the corner and then came back around again. At that point, I was waiting to cross a main road in between one neighborhood and mine. It wasn’t heavily traveled at that time of day so as he turned the corner, he stopped and started to ask me directions or something - it was then that I noticed he had his pants undone and was playing with himself. I immediately ran across the road and ran and ran, tho he didn’t follow me thankfully so did not see where I lived. I was mortified and embarrassed and never mentioned to my mom but from then on, I refused to walk to the pool or any distance alone. Somehow it came up in conversation a few years ago with my mom - she was furious I never told her so we could report to police. Back then we just didn’t talk about stuff like that. But I’ve made sure to talk about this kind of thing with my own kids.
But then the same parents drive their kids around while talking on the phone or otherwise distracted, or generally drive in a less safe manner than they could.
Especially true with respect to crime, which is much lower now than when people of current parent age were kids. But most people every year since then think that crime is higher than before.
Great article about this topic in today’s NY Times online, and the harassment mothers for making rational parenting choices
Its interesting to see all the different opinions on this thread.
When I was four years old, I was allowed to leave the house and walk around the corner and down the block to my best friends house. One day, my friend who was older (all of 5) said we should go swimming at her neighbor’s house. Without giving it a second thought, I followed her to a house blocks away, climbed the fence, stripped down to my underwear and went swimming. Luckily we were both strong swimmers. My parents were fairly apopletic by the time they found me. At four years old, I was not ready for that much freedom. I had no idea I was doing something wrong.
I let my own daughter stay home alone for short times starting at age 9. I was the only mom available to be a scout leader for daughter number 2, but it required me to be home about 20 minutes late. I was terrified the first few days, but she was very responsible and it became normal to leave the kids alone for longer and longer periods of time.
With my 7 year old, I have occasionally thought about leaving her for a very short time to walk the dog. I would be about 20-30 minutes. I haven’t done it yet. She is getting there, but not quite there yet.
By the way, I looked up the rules in NY. There are no specifics, but the parents can be investigated for leaving a child of 6 and under for any length of time.
In my young youth my sister and I would sometimes roam the woods behind our house playing hide and seek. I was 3. She was 4. I know our ages because she hadn’t started school yet. I suppose we weren’t alone because our German Shepherd dogs would go with us. We didn’t wander miles as it was only one mile across - a few more in length, but some of that was fenced. In the very beginning we didn’t go all the way across either. There were no predators to worry about. Needless to say I grew up knowing those woods very, very well. She didn’t. She wasn’t an outdoors person and whatever nugget of interest she might have had I killed a couple years later by convincing her to go with me and purposely getting her lost, then watching to see her reaction. I didn’t do it for long and was always watching, but older me will admit it wasn’t very nice.
The only actual trouble I could have had once (exploring alone since sis no longer wanted to go with me) came when I was 6 or 7 and in winter (younger than 8 because we got ponies when I was 8 and after that I rode through the woods rather than walking). I was light enough to be able to walk on the crust of the snow and was going over a drift when I fell in. The drift was over my head and I couldn’t get out. The two Shepherds with me barked furiously, then one actually went home to bark while the other stayed. Eventually I got out digging through the snow and finally clamoring back up on the crust where it was harder and went home frozen and in tears. My dad was in our kitchen working on some project or another and asked me what was wrong. I told him, then asked, “Didn’t you hear the dogs barking???” “Yes,” he said, “but I just assumed they were annoyed at some critter or another. I didn’t realize anything was wrong.”
Eh, I survived. It definitely taught me (and him) a good lesson. I learned I could work through things if something went wrong - not a bad lesson. He learned to check on what the dogs were barking about. It still impresses me that they split up trying to get help. Shepherds are pretty smart dogs - at least - those two were. They took care of their “sheep!”
There are other “fun” stories, but I suppose relating some of them could frighten more parents. I fully understand that not all stories have a happy ending. I didn’t let my lads explore our woods at quite such a young age. Once older they had fun though. I also watch mine on ice when our pond freezes over as one time my sister was riding her pony across a small ice covered pond and the pony (and her) fell through. She stayed on and the pony just swam to shallower ground then we went back home. She was a wee bit cold though. The pony didn’t seem to care TBH. Neither of us have ridden over ice since.
The Red Cross offers babysitting training classes called “SafeSitter” for young teens in grades 6-8. I had my kids take the class before I would let them stay home alone or let the older s babysit for the younger s.
I felt mixed and a bit confused about the NY times opinion piece referenced above. In the story, a woman left her 4 yo in the car alone while she ran into a store or otherwise did an errand because he didn’t want to get out of the car. She said she was gone 5 minutes and could see the car and that it was cool, cloudy day. Apparently, someone took a picture/vidoe of the kid alone and she got a call from the cops when her flight landed and then was issued an arrest warrant. She ultimately had to do community service but was not charged? She seemed to think that the person who reported her should not have gotten involved.
What didn’t make sense to me, was how come the cops didn’t show up while she was still in the store? How could a warrant be issued based on a video which showed her mom’s license plate not hers (how could they prove who left the child??) What if she literally was standing right next to the car? Did the bystander leave before she came back?
But I am not that convinced that this is a great example for over-protecting kids.I think that 4 is young to be left alone Of course it is very unlikely that anything bad would happen, but it is not kidnapping that is the worry. What if he got out of his seat, unlocked the door and ran into the parking lot looking for mom. We get babysitters not because it is likely something will happen to our kids while we are gone (they are probably going to sleep through the night) but just in case.
If the story was about an 8 or 9 yo alone in a car, I would agree with this mom. If it was about 8 or 9 year getting in trouble for walking to a friend’s house, then I would agree with the mom. But not as comfortable with a 4yo alone in a car, even for a few minutes, but should have been a warning not a threat of prosecution. Even the witness should have seen that the mom came back quickly (assuming she did).
I also question how many suburban kids are really so constricted that they are not allowed to walk to a friend’s house or be at the park alone once they are 10 or so years old.
There is no way in hades that I would let my 16/almost17yo stay home unsupervised for one overnight, let alone two. That’s “Risky Business” just waiting to happen. I do tend to agree with a lot of the other suggestions though. I would leave mine home alone at age 8 or 9 if I were going a mile up the road for 10 minutes to pick up lunch. By 12 or 13 I could go to the grocery store or run errands for a couple of hours. They were instructed that under no circumstances were they to open the door to anyone. As they got older, I gave them more leeway.
I went away to college at age 16, and was living on my own in an apartment 3 states away from my parents the summer I was 17. At age 16, my daughter lived abroad for a semester. So I still say it depends on the individual kid, but there certainly are many that age who should be able to manage for a couple of nights if necessary.
Some kids are very independent natured and responsible from very early on, and some aren’t really ready for adulthood when their 18th birthday comes around. But I think it’s a lot more risky to hand a kid the keys to a car than leave the kid home overnight, and of course it is very common for 16 year olds to have cars and licenses, as well as jobs.
My 14 yo boy with ADHD should never be left alone – although we do, we usually find some evidence to regret it later. The girls are fine and have been since about 9. We trust the 12 yo girl way more than the 14 yo boy.
I was left home alone starting around age 8 for up to an hour, and with an older sister (either 3 or 9 years older) earlier than that. I was home alone for nearly a whole day (but not night) starting around 13. Pretty much the only thing I did when my parents were gone that I wasn’t supposed to do is binge-watch additional episodes of Little House or Waltons.
One night alone at home this year (I’m 17), and I’m moving into the college dorms next week. I’ve gone to multiple week-long summer camps starting at 13, and this year to a two-week summer activity on the other side of the country, for which I arranged my own travel.
I’ve never been left in the car alone, except for quick errands in this past year when I have keys or a license and could drive off if needed.
I’ve had my driver’s license for a little over a year, and can obviously drive alone (but not after dark per my parents’ rules). I started riding the bus alone at 16, but a parent dropped me off. I’m not allowed to bike by myself in the neighborhood, bike or walk to the bus (2 miles away), or ride the bus outside of normal commuting hours. Totally non-negotiable rules there.
What is your parents’ objection to you walking or bicycling to the bus or in the neighborhood? Do you live in a high crime or otherwise dangerous neighborhood?
I live in an expensive neighborhood where there’s lots of house robberies, but little to no abduction risk.
For a quick errand, 8. For an hour or two during daylight hours, 8-10 depending. Evening hours and longer daytime hours, 11 and up. I was babysitting at 12 for three small children. I am the oldest of four and myself and two siblings were running the neighborhood (in the mid-60s) from sun up to sun down in the summer months. This was typical of the whole neighborhood. My S started staying home by himself at around 8 or 9 for a few hours because he hated to do errands with me. My D always went with me, didn’t stay home by herself until high school and still isn’t comfortable being alone overnight.
Like everyone says, there are so many variables…two kids get into a lot more trouble than a solo. Boys tend to take more risks than girls. Only you know your kids, use your intuition. I believe state law in MA is 12.