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Sometimes, outward displays of status symbols or other indications of high spending can correlate inversely with wealth.
Yep, all of those things listed in the last 20 posts are ‘our’ situation - opened accounts when the kids were little, worked well for me to move money around, pay their taxes/get refund checks, handle emergencies when one was on study abroad.
The daughter who requested I be removed from her account is 22, graduated a year ago, and has no reason for me to be off the account other than that’s what she wants. It doesn’t change the account (which will still be labeled as a ‘youth’ account by the type of number originally assigned). I did not look at her account or share info with others. SHE’s the one who told my mother what she makes, and my mother tells everyone. Everything.
Yep, one child is a beneficiary now and the other is not. Family dynamics. There are consequences to distancing yourself from your family, even at 22. I made the same decision and in the end it didn’t matter as I got nothing but my siblings also got nothing.
Like @shellfell we also are still on accounts opened when they were preteens. Each has other accounts we don’t have access to so it’s not like we could know all their business even if we wanted to. I never look at the accounts, but I can see balances when I log on to do my own business. The main reason, again, like @shellfell , I go in there is to take money 2x/year for their portion of the phone bill (we peg the timing to when I pay for my car insurance). It works fine for us, and it’s not like they can’t handle their own finances. They’ve done that quite well. It’s just a convenience.
@twoinanddone - I’m sorry. That sounds tough. Family can be challenging for sure.
Our ds venmo’s his portion of the cell phone bill to dh. If he “forgets”, dh can “remind” him on the app. 
This sounds really retaliatory. Is that really the message you are intending to send? And by taking you off her account, is your daughter actually “distancing herself from the family?” To me, that sounds like a very normal thing to ask for at her age. It seems however, that you have taken great offense to it.
Agree with @Nrdsb4. Either there is something else going on here or you are being overly sensitive and harsh, IMO, @twoinanddone. A 22 year old who has graduated college and is working wanting to have a solo account seems like small potatoes to remove her as a beneficiary on your accounts. I think it shows independence and is age appropriate for a young adult.
I am not on either D’s accounts, but the bank did ask for (and received) permission from them to accept deposits from me to their accounts, so I don’t have to send them a check. I cannot access their accounts, see the balances, or get any information about them. We don’t give D1 an allowance anymore, but occasionally we will reimburse her for certain expenses (for example, she paid for a hotel we stayed at so she could get points or something). D2 is in grad school, so we still deposit money into her account on a monthly basis. One more year and she will be off the dole.
DH’s mother made him aware of all of her finances a long time ago. I only recently got access to my Dad’s finances after he suffered a debilitating stroke and I was obligated to utilize my POA. In a show of complete trust in me, he had given me the power of attorney effective immediately a couple of years ago and did not make it dependent on any official declaration or finding of incompetence. This made it much easier for me, but this kind of trust could be a disaster if the designated POA is not deserving of such confidence. I’m sure there are plenty of people in the world who would have no problem helping themselves to a parent’s money if given the chance. I would never do anything to hurt my Dad, and I take my responsibility very seriously.
Our kids know that we have a complicated estate and that we have established trusts to be used for their benefit. The trusts will protect them from creditors and divorce, but they know that if they co-mingle their disbursements, those specific disbursements will be considered community property. We had our Ds meet our estate attorney, who explained to them what kind of trusts have been set up (and the trusts will have trustees who control disbursements until they are much older). Our attorney cautioned them strongly against sharing the fact that they will inherit substantial amounts with anyone-at least not before marriage. Both girls acknowledged the wisdom of this and seem relieved to know that they can always say honestly that the way the estate was set up was not ever in their control. D1 did not share any of this with her husband until after they were married. Neither daughter knows our net worth or what accounts we have or where, but they know where to go to find this information should something happen to both of us.
@Nrdsb4 we had a similar setup when kids were undergrad. This was around ten years ago, we banked with USAA and kids with BoA. The mechanism to set it up at our end included a quick verification step that could only come from them. (Something like did the seventeen-cent deposit come through?)
We made more transfers to DS1, who lived off campus three of his four years. He wanted to handle the task of paying his rent, so we deposited the money to his account and let him have at it.
When they pay us for something, they just write a check.
We are off any of our kids accounts. We all have Bank of America checking accounts so can transfer funds if needed. Oldest got off our cell phone family account a couple of years ago when his employer started paying for his cellphone. Youngest is still on our cell phone account and transfers money to us once a year. Their dad did their taxes for them with TurboTax the first couple of years out of college but they both do their own taxes now, so have more privacy with their finances.
My kids still have joint accounts with me at our credit union which were set up when they were minors. None of them use them as their primary accounts, but if I want to give them money, or if we are reimbursing each other for something, that’s the account we use. Money goes to the shared account and the recipient moves it to their active account, in either direction. I have no knowledge of their financial details.
Sorry, should have said she shared after they were engaged.
We have BOA and USAA, S2 has USAA. We can transfer to each other, but we’re not listed on his accounts. Since he’s an expat living overseas, this is a good way to be able get him instant funds in an emergency.
I’m still on both sons’ UGMA accounts. Haven’t gotten around to getting signature guarantee/medallion stuff, since I’m not sure how to get that! The sums aren’t large; it’s a nominal amount for S1, but it’s launching $ for S2.
Both closed their kid accounts when they went to college, and cancelled the free college accounts after they graduated.
As our older kids are getting close to graduation we’ve had them set up their own savings and checking accounts as part of the normal adulting process. But even with those the old accounts we set up up at the credit union when they were young have been kept to enable easy money transfers back and forth: he needs rent money, she owes me for car insurance, etc.
As far as what they know about our finances, it’s pretty sketchy. They all got hard budgets for school and know our EFC, but as far as 401k balances or whatever they don’t need to know much. Honestly we don’t have a lot of investments or savings because over the years we’ve spent most of it on tuition, but they know everything is in the file cabinet.
My parents have named me as executor and I know their money guy, but the will just has vague language like “the accountants will structure these funds to minimize taxes and let you know” or whatever, so the actual accounts, trusts, etc are not in the docs. Charlie knows where the assets are at any point in time, and I know where to reach Charlie. But I will say I did sit in on one of their periodic check-ins with Charlie and had my eyebrows raised a couple times. They were always aggressively generous when it looked like any of us kids were in a bind and now I know why. (I asked my mother about this one time and she acknowledged it and added “But don’t worry, one of your parents is keeping very detailed notes and it’ll all be evened up later.” I laughed, as the personalities involved made it very clear who was who. Probate can be funny when everyone is healthy.)
We shared the info with the kids when we “retired” because they were concerned about our finances.
On the topic of sharing info on expenses with the teens, I used to talk openly with my teen(and other) employees about what it cost to run my retail business. They knew what the daily receipts were – so they needed to know about the expenses. They needed to know that the thousands of dollars that came in daily wasn’t going in my pocket, but rather to rent and product and payroll and insurance and a zillion other places before I got a dime.
@CountingDown if UGMA accounts are with USAA, the change was a no-brainer for us a few years ago. I think we did have to send in a physical letter with a real-life signature, but short and easy and they walked us right through the wording. Now you could probably find the info in a drop-down for the account.