There really is something about physical appearance and level of disruption. A pretty, quiet, clean girl tends not too raise red flags, even if they walk around like a bull in a china shop. Lol.
My college D had meltdowns which responded to an SSRI, but my youngest is an avoider. Meltdowns aren’t fun but at least they make you pay attention. You are forced to work on the relationship. It’s not always been easy but we have a great relationship. I’m more worried about my avoider as she approaches college and adulthood. I took her for a psychiatrist for an adhd evaluation when she was maybe 8. I nearly fell out of my chair when the psychiatrist said she strongly suspected autism. I didn’t take it seriously because she was so well-behaved and compliant. My pediatrician didn’t make any suggestions regarding therapies either. As social and academic demands increased and became more complex through the teen years, the weaknesses became more obvious. 