My son was diagnosed with ASD late— at age 14. Asperger’s is no longer a diagnosis (this was 2015) but if it were, he would fall in that category. It was difficult to see growing up. He was a bit of a Sheldon Cooper in some ways, but also could blend in so it was not as obvious. He does have areas of focus that he excels in. It comes easy to him. He is above average in intelligence but not a genius. He struggled in middle school through hs because he was disorganized (executive functioning) and somehow in his mind if he doesn’t want to do something he had problems understanding consequences or caring in the moment about previous consequences. He was diagnosed in MN by a Dr who specializes in Autism at an Autism center. This is important and why he was diagnosed so late. His pediatrician never suggested Autism. We requested an evaluation in middle school and the eye seemed reluctant until I pushed the issue and then came back as not. As parents it was challenging to see his potential but be told no to learning disability and ruled out Autism not knowing much about it. We had him diagnosed Freshman year of hs by a Dr who specialized in Autism and finally things made sense. He didn’t do things to “push are buttons”. He really had a different way of thinking and it was difficult to detect when he was able to navigate the world for the most part. The diagnosis showed how some of his skill sets were above average and others far below. He could not tie shoes easily and many of his fine motor skills are that of a much younger child, he only got his drivers license this summer (age 21) after many specialized lessons. There were several different functioning areas that were tested.
The biggest take away is to go to an Autism specialist. It took my son a while to accept his diagnosis but now that we know it-we understand how to be better parents. Some things to look back on, (remembering all ASD diagnosis do not look the same) Childhood meltdowns that are more extreme than typical? Sensitivities to textures/noise/light/smells? Socialization challenges? Pain tolerances? (I’ve seen both sides of this-sometimes high, sometimes low tolerance) Fixation on interests? Unusual coping mechanisms? Strong black/white thinking? Overwhelmed?
Good luck with your friend in looking for answers for her son. My son now embraces his Autism diagnosis and is in his senior year of college. I’ve leaned so much about Autism and it is really difficult to learn about it on tv—many good shows that have a lot of obvious stereotypes and are still good, but sometimes make it seem like Autism is very obvious when first meeting the person and for my son it is not. If your friend’s son has made it all the way through college without a diagnosis, he may be similar. There may be a different diagnosis though, like OCD or executive functioning issues or depression or a combination.