<p>I’m a stay-at-home mom with a public college education who just sent my youngest off to an Ivy League school 15 hours (driving) from home…any other regular moms and dads out there? Seems like all my child’s new friends’ parents are professors or executives at Goldman-Sachs!</p>
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<p>I’m a stay home mom, now (worked some full time/part time) while kids were not in hs…
I went to private college, but sure consider myself a regular person…and my H is from Indiana. D is a soph at Dart. D was a little bemused by the kids who go to Bermuda for short holidays, Switzerland for Xmas. However, there are a lot of ‘regular’ kids or kids that might not BE regular, but act like it (if you get my drift? LOL) there and she is happy as a clam.</p>
<p>Are you worried/have questons?</p>
<p>Edit to add … I am a regular person, but will admit to being smart and H is very smart as is D… Were you thinking average as in middleclass or average as in regular looking/acting/$$/intelligence?</p>
<p>Regular/average people can be smart, too, you know.</p>
<p>There are absolutely plenty of rich kids at these places- folks who go to Brazil or Argentina for Christmas break. Or to London on a long weekend.
I’ve had kids at two schools, one of whom was a Pell grant recipient for 4 years. My current student has a family income above that level, but not by much.
I would say that at least two factors make the situation more comfortable for lower income students. The first is that students live in the same residential colleges and eat the same food. There may be more expensive options in NY or Philly. The second is that, by virtue of their admittance, they are members of a cognitive aristocracy that plenty of rich kids don’t get to join. In my second hand (parental) experience, brain power has more cred at the Ivies than family wealth. I would say that my kids have been surprised but not shamed by the wealth of some of their friends.</p>
<p>Highly competitive schools can be awkward for the middle-class kids, too. I heard one fairly verbose guy of middle-class roots talking about how awkward social gatherings at Harvard were. Conversations from his new peers revolved around stories describing the experience of racing their parents’ $150K speed boats, or launching into belly-laughs about someone’s misuse of quantum mechanics formulas.</p>
<p>My bet is that the fact that you are a stay-at-home mom had a great deal to do with the fact that your child made it into an Ivy League school.</p>
<p>My S–the Harvard grad–may have heard or even told jokes about “someone’s misuse or quantum mechanics formulas”–after all, he took quantum mechanics and would know if someone was being pretentious and wrong. But he never was in groups where racing one’s parents $150k speedboat was the topic of conversation. In fact, his blockmates included students on scholarships and when they went out, they all were careful to go to affordable restaurants (on vacations, one of the students actually helped in his immigrant parents’ restaurant).
The one student I heard went to the Bahamas was a member of an a capella group whose yearly trip there was funded by an alumnus as were many other expensive vacations. The parents of that student were both post office workers.
There are children of the very rich at Harvard and other top schools; but a very large number of students are there on need-based scholarships.</p>
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<p>Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!!!</p>
<p>CollegeDad, most of the daughters of an ‘average mom’ who are attending an Ivy, will not be stay at home moms in their turn.</p>
<p>Without meaning to be PC police, and speaking as a not a ‘stay at home mom,’ your comment struck a nerve. Despite being the breadwinner in the family and having a more than a full time job, I think I’ve been a darn good influence on my kids, and any of their academic and intellectual aspirations, were further flamed by what I have done with my life.</p>
<p>Sorry OP: don’t mean to hijack.</p>
<p>^^^
ihs76, I completely agree (and I was a SAHM for several years). The stay at home parent factor has not been supported by research.</p>
<p>A man I attended HS with ( rural, Midwest) has sent two children to Harvard. This man was an average (if that) student and to my knowledge did not attend college. I had several classmates I might have thought of as “future Harvard parents” but not this guy. But more power to him.</p>
<p>Will stay away from SAHM politics. You’ll find all types at Ivy League schools - but plenty will have gone to public schools and have pretty normal parents. You do find a lot of children of professors - because in general they care about education. But professors tend to be a pretty normal lot - certainly not wealthy! One of my good friends at Harvard came from rural Wisconsin and was the first person ever in her high school to go out of state to college. There are all types there.</p>
<p>I never knew any of the very wealthy while I was a student at Harvard, but I’ve met some of them since at alumni functions. It’s been interesting to see there was this other Harvard I never interacted with - and except for these events - still don’t.</p>
<p>There are lots of normal kids at Ivies but at the two that I know well there are plenty of kids whose parents are very well-to-do or rich. They do hire vacation planners to organize vacations in Australia and Paris and do take trips on almost all vacations. However, there are plenty of normal kids who don’t. The upper-class contingent was, I think, considerably bigger when I, a middle class kid, attended them (my knowledge of both schools is much more current than the middle ages when I attended). There is much more socioeconomic diversity. But, there remains a disproportionate representation of upper-upper-middle and upper class kids. But, I took it as an opportunity to meet the other 1%. The family of one of my girlfriends in college came over on the Mayflower. Another had a magnificent apartment overlooking Central Park with Dubuffets and Kandinsky’s in the foyer. Another’s grandmother had Renoirs in her living room. It prepared me to live in a different world than the one I grew up in. And, many of my middle-class or working-class friends (though there were many fewer of WC kids then than there are now) are in the UUM and U classes and going to these schools.</p>
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<p>Sure. We have two Ivy daughters, but we are middle class folks who live in an unimpressive zip code. Our house could use some work and we drive 10+ year old cars. No European vacations and no trust funds.</p>
<p>I’m not quite sure I see a problem here. Daughters have close friends at school who come from richer backgrounds. similar backgrounds, and full-ride finaid kids from much poorer backgrounds. So what? They seem to enjoy each others’ company and get along fine. Maybe I’m just clueless, but I think the parents attach more importance to these socioeconomic distinctions than the kids do.</p>
<p>coureur, I was sensitive to very different family wealth when I was a student, but decided to consider it an opportunity. I had one friend from a working class family in Pittsburgh (maybe coal mining father) who did find things awkward. He’s among the only friends who doesn’t return to reunions every 5 years. There is a book called Class and Race Matters (or something like that) which describes the discomfort some really poor kids feel when they show up in the bastions of the middle/upper middle/upper classes.</p>
<p>My daughter (Rice grad) describes her upbringing as “privileged”. My son (Penn) describes his as “modest” (which angers his sister and his parents…). It’s how you feel you stack up with respect to your peers. I can’t even begin to describe the wealth of the families of my son’s college friends. My husband and I are both professionals and have done moderately well in our careers and have been fortunate to be able to provide good educations and nice but not extravagant family vacations. There are a range of economic levels at most colleges- it’s a matter of who your kid falls in with, I guess.</p>
<p>It really doesn’t cost much to go to London for a long weekend, maybe a couple of thousand for flight and hotels and some more for meals, sightseeing, shows. You can spend more if you want to, but it is not necessary.</p>
<p>^^excuse me?
A couple of thousand for the weekend - certainly does sound like a lot in my world!</p>
<p>First, in my opinion, collgedad’s remark is just plain obnoxious–and ignorant. There are plenty of children of working moms at top schools–and that usually includes the poorest kids there. Perhaps you’ve heard the bio of our newest Supreme Court justice. Working mom–two jobs actually–and daughter went to Princeton and Yale Law. </p>
<p>Second, 10% of all Americans are descended from someone who came over on the Mayflower. Plenty of their descendants go to state U. I just found a third cousin who is descended from a Mayflower descendant. Her mother–the link to that ancestry–grew up in foster care. </p>
<p>This reminds me of one of my favorite true stories. My ex-spouse’s family came to the US in the 1920s. One of his uncles, American born with immirgrant parents, married a young woman whose family bragged about the fact one of their ancestors came over on the Mayflower. Her parents were less than thrilled by their daughter’s choice. </p>
<p>The couple had kids. The grandparents on mom’s side always talked about the Mayflower connection. When the kids were about 11 or 12, mom decided to detour from a family vacation on Cape Cod to see the Mayflower replica. Dad looked forward to this as much as he would getting a root canal. </p>
<p>Well, at Plymouth…there’s a list of those on the ship and a brief history of their lives in the colonies. At an appropriate point in the tour, the tour guide asked if any of those in the group had Mayflower ancestors. Nudged by mom, the kids raised their hands. What was their ancestor’s name? The kids proudly supplied it. The tour guide read out the information re life in the Bay Colony: “Hung as a horse thief.” </p>
<p>It turned into dad’s favorite day. </p>
<p>I went to high school in one of the states where most people go marching off to state U. I didn’t. I found that the economic divides among people were more self-evident at state U than any Ivy. One reason for this is that at many state Us, Greeks were powerful. Membership in the “best” Greek houses was close to hereditary. For females, if you went through rush, you soon figured out that the brand of the clothes you were wearing to events would have a significant impact on the houses which would offer you membership. In certain houses, all the “sisters” had cars at schools and they were brand new. The dues to join some were sky high–and financial aid didn’t cover them. </p>
<p>Most people were from in-state high schools, and if you said you went to X suburban high, people pretty much knew how much $ your family had. </p>
<p>Contrast that with Harvard. Almost everyone lives on campus. Dorms are assigned by a lottery. With kids from all over, there are plenty who don’t have a clue what it means when their roommate says she lives in Winetka, Illinois or Upper Saddle River, NJ or Mott Haven, New York, for that matter. </p>
<p>The cashier at my local supermarket is the single mom of 5 kids. Oldest recently graduated from Williams. Another single mom in my neighborhood has 4 daughters–who graduated from Princeton, Wellesley, Williams and Sarah Lawrence. Mom was the clerk at the local video store while they were growing up. She went to college at night herself at the same time. </p>
<p>My college roommate’s dad–at an Ivy–had an 8th grade education. He was a plumber. He used his WWII GI education benefits for vocational training. He went into business for himself. She received no financial aid. Another good friend’s mom was a recent widow. Her dad had been the assistant manager of a Woolworth’s. After he died, mom became the dispatcher for the local cab company. </p>
<p>Of course, there were also the girls who went home to their coming out balls freshman year Christmas vacation. Nowadays there are kids who play poker where the buy in is $1,000. And you know what? You’ll find the same thing at Indiana U.</p>
<p>I really hope sorghum was being sarcastic.</p>
<p>It sounds like a lot in my world, too. But from New York or Boston, it can be cheaper going to the Bahamas or London than to go to Chicago or from Boston to Philadelphia let alone places further west. </p>
<p>S did have some friends whose parents were far wealthier than we are. It did not seem to make a real difference. As I wrote earlier, the group went to outings that were affordable for those on scholarships. In four years, I believe they went to expensive restaurants maybe three times.</p>
<p>Back in the last century, I was one of those kids from a two public-U parent families who ended up at a recognizable-on-CC-selective-LAC. Most of my friends came from equally normal backgrounds. Trust your kid to figure things out.</p>
<p>It hasn’t made a difference at D’s school - all sorts are there.
The Mayflower story rememinded me of a funny story…my family has been here since the1600s. MIL is a d of immigrants. Quite the social climber, she loved the idea that her son was marrying into “an established family”. Well, my family really never gave it a thought but she wanted me to join the DAR. So I researched my roots a bit. It turns out that my ancestor who did the immigrating did so as a servant on a ship and my ancestors who were around during the Revolutionary War were actually British sympathizers! Not quite the pedrigree MIL had in mind!</p>
<p>Great story woody. In this case, the family was N generation legacies who lived in Fairfield County, CT and couldn’t have a conversation without a cocktail in hand. The mother detested me because I was Jewish but had every possible social grace and would never say anything directly. The daughter was an absolute gem and her father was nice as well. It was a real education for me – my parents lived a completely different life and never had a cocktail at home to the best of my knowledge. Interestingly, I see them every five years at reunions and the dad knows about my career and is curious about what I’m doing.</p>