<p>Avosmarques,
Thank you for reminding us about our blessings. I hope that your D recovers soon.</p>
<p>Avosmarques,</p>
<p>:) be happy! To all of the parents on the forum happy Turkey Day. May the holiday season be the best!</p>
<p>There’s a lot of good advice here, but here’s a bit that I haven’t really seen - I can’t figure out how to word a generalization properly, so I’ll speak to my own experience instead.</p>
<p>I have several younger siblings, including one who is 12.5 years younger, who I spent so much time for babysitting for in high school that I was practically a third parent. When I left for college, he was only 5 years old. This wasn’t so much a problem the first time I came back - after all, he was only 6 by then - but as he got older, there was this problem that I was still used to treating him like a five year-old, as I hadn’t been around enough since then to get used to anything else. This caused conflict when I had to babysit him - with him, and with my stepdad, who thought that I was just on a power trip when I tried to enforce the by-then-obsolete rules that I remembered for baby brother. I was confused…I didn’t know what applied anymore and what didn’t.</p>
<p>There were other new family issues as well - my mom kept in touch with me, but there are so many things that you’re just not likely to learn about from a distance. New points of conflict between family members, and resolved old ones. New angst for teenage siblings. New relationship dynamics between siblings and parents.</p>
<p>Point being, especially if they have little siblings, as time passes, they’re not going to be familiar with new rules, new family dynamics, the normal consequences of their siblings growing up and their family evolving. It can really throw a college student for a loop.</p>
<p>jessie, the conflict you describe between you and your sibling is exactly the conflict that arises between your parents and you! You’ve had time to get used to the “new you”, with your newer maturity and your freedom. But when you walk in the door, your parents still see the 17 or 18 year old who just left! Your parents are also trying to navigate around your “new rules”, not necessarily trying to “put a power trip” or “treat me like a baby” as many college students believe.</p>
<p>Thank you for the way you’ve described the problem!</p>
<p>Jessie, I was that younger sibling when growing up and I congratulate you on your sensitivity and awareness of the problem. May I also suggest that you make an effort to remain in the sibling’s life because, particularly with someone so young, the child won’t have a frame of reference of having you as a daily part of his life as he gets older and it would be very easy for the two of you to draft apart permanently. You described the potential problem exactly right, your baby at home will be growing up without you and if you don’t try to stay connected through college and beyond, you won’t remain close.</p>
<p>Great thread. Wish I’d read when my older ones came home. Yep, I blew a gasket. We fought all long weekend.</p>
<p>I got a little more time with DS this monring. I pretended to do Important Things in the kitchen while he made himself an omelet. Got to ask a few open-ended questions and he got to give a few answers. It was also nice to see him now be curious about his father’s experiences at the same school. I’m just hanging back, biding my time. He will open up (although of course not as much as I’d like!!) and we’ll end the weekend with my having learned a lot more than I knew before (which, quite frankly, was hardly anything!).</p>
<p>Sons come home. Serious brother catching-up, silliness. Thursday we always drive two hours to Grandma’s house. Lots of family, cousins, etc. Then we drive home. Boys camp out for Black Friday sales. Come home, play with loot from Black Friday.</p>
<p>As a mom to 3 boys, I’ve learned to enjoy the ride. </p>
<p>As far as the curfew, etc., I’ve focused more on the idea of being respectful when visiting ANYONE. We ask that they be in by 1:00 a.m., that they knock on our door to let us know they are home, and that they KEEP IT DOWN if they stay up after that. And, again as with anyone they would be visiting, we ask that they NOT sleep all day. It’s annoying and rude. </p>
<p>Other than that we make few demands on the boys and their time. Their friends and girlfriends are welcome here, and we if they head out they let us know their expected time back, so we can plan on meals, etc. </p>
<p>I want to enjoy their visits, and I want THEM to enjoy their visits.</p>
<p>My long blonde-haired daughter came home today with shorter, dark brown hair. One roommate cut the hair, the other colored it (three boxes worth). I’m trying to focus on the fact that she and her roommates all get along so well-LOL. She said I was staring at her all the way home. (Biting the tongue, biting the tongue). It’s kind of shocking, but I’m trying to remember that it’s just hair. And I’m trying to forget that I paid a lot of money just eight weeks ago for her to get her hair trimmed and highlighted. I guess I don’t have that expense anymore! :)</p>
<p>My short, reddish-dark blond-haired son came home today with longer, black hair. His girlfriend’s roommate cut the hair (badly) when it got too long, and his girlfriend dyed his and another guy’s hair black. I didn’t try to accept anything – he went to WashMom’s hairdresser who dyed it back to its normal color and cut it like it used to be. I don’t think he’ll ever dye it again. WashMom paid, and even let him drive her Miata all afternoon. </p>
<p>I’d forgotten how much I like this kid.</p>
<p>(He also dropped TallSon off at a flag football game, and picked him afterwards. I’d forgotten how much I liked having an extra driver in the family.)</p>
<p>I think we are playing Settlers of Catan later. WashDadJr’s home!</p>
<p>SportsMama, </p>
<p>I’ll chime in with Washdad and say just you wait on the expenses. In fact I’d book an Xmas appointment now with the best colorist in town who can attempt to put her back together so she can grow it out.</p>
<p>My D with golden streaky blonde hair came home with orangey pink hair, the result of a similar roommate beauty parlor gone wrong. It looked horrendous. She liked it for a month. Then when it began to grow out she realized it was going to be playing haircolor musical chairs with roomates continually coiffing her, or she could go to a real salon and an attempt at restoring her old color.</p>
<p>IMO, you have not begun to pay!</p>
<p>WashDad: What’s “Settlers of Catan”?</p>
<p>my D is home!!! her friends came over hung out, and now off to a BBall game at their old school</p>
<p>Other D, well, she has 6 girls over, getting ready for a dance…and of course I have to drive, egad</p>
<p>My Ds hair came back normal- she has a hair appointment with her hair guru on friday, who isn’t cheap, and she LOVES him…she would actually be embarrassed if she let someone else chop her hair, or color it…and she knows that if she did that, I wouldn’t treat her to the Guru…if she DID do the pink spiked hair thing, it would be absolutely fine, but it wasn’t going to be followed up with an expensive fix, well, unless she was reallly nice</p>
<p>“Settlers” is our family’s favorite board game. Even WashMom (who famously has a 5-minute attention span for board games) will play. [Settlers</a> of Catan - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Settlers_of_Catan]Settlers”>Catan - Wikipedia)</p>
<p>Settlers is one of our favorites, too!</p>
<p>Well, I had set up an appt. (a while ago) with the expensive hairdresser for daughter to get her hair done over Christmas break. </p>
<p>I asked my daughter if she understood what kind of maintenance this dark hair required–that it would look like she had grey hair coming in if she didn’t touch it up frequently. She said her roommate told her what they would need to do. (They just put another whole box of brown on it this week because the blonde was coming through!) I told her that I had already set up her appt. in December but I would cancel it. She said, no, that would be great. She would have expensive hairdresser touch up her roots. NOT! I told her that appt. was for her normal 3-4 month highlighting maintenance and choosing a high maintenance color was her responsibility. We’ll see what happens. (I’m not going to cancel the appt. unti 24 hours before.) </p>
<p>Repeat to self: It’s only hair, it’s only hair . . .</p>
<p>SportsMoma I can sympathize. Just picked DD up at the airport last night and my DD with the expensive highlights came home with black hair, not even brown. Not cut and it is temporary, but yeah, flat black. She did not want to have the highlights done again and was tired of the look of them growing out. Had apparently done brown but decided on a whim to try black since brown faded too quickly. I think she also has a small tattoo she does not want to show me, (overheard talking with brother). </p>
<p>At least her grades are good and she is happy where she is, learning and growing. The colors are temporary and the tattoo is not in a obviously public place 
And oh yes, I think it is saving me the expensive cut and color at Christmas. Not sure yet, though.</p>
<p>Must be some sort of rite of passage. Our daughter with light brown with expensive highlighted hair announced she is probably going to dye it very dark brown. I told her that it will take forever to grow out (it is halfway down her back) and look rather odd while doing so. I can’t say much, I dyed mine black at age 17 and thought it looked great, now I cringe when I see the pictures.</p>
<p>Heh. WashMom has told both boys that they can do whatever they want to their hair, but if they come home with a tattoo she’s disowning them.</p>
<p>My daughter’s hair was hot pink for three of her four years at Reed. After a while, I grew to like it. In fact, now that she’s gone back to her natural color, I’m knitting her a pink scarf for Christmas, just because she looks so nice with pink framing her face.</p>