We are having 3 families over for Xmas Eve. I have another friend that lives in the neighborhood that I’ve known longer and am closer to than the others. However no one really socializes with them as a couple as no one really enjoys being around her DH. He’s not offending per se, and he can be fine…but he’s uptight and is judgemental. We all know it. DS and her DS are friends. Since we are having so many people, I suggested to DH we invite them, because how awkward if and when she finds out I’m having this.
He said, no. He’s not spending xmas eve with her DH looking down his nose. I completely understand. But how uncomfortable for me. These other families and us get together as a little subgroup from time to time and she knows that. I’ve been avoiding her this season as I don’t want to answer…“what are you doing?” I know she typically does something small with another family we don’t know, but don’t know if she is this year.
Have any of you ever been out in this type of position?
As someone who is very sensitive to being left out, I think it is mean not to invite her, especially if she knows the other couples. I would try to talk your husband into reconsidering. At this late date, she probably has other plans but she’ll be very happy to be asked.
She’ll definitely find out; someone will post something on Facebook or one of the other attendees will tell her or she’ll see people at your house.
Since her husband is not likeable, this probably happens to her a lot and it is probably very painful for her.
Your husband is being unreasonable and self-centered. You’ve told him you are uncomfortable with not inviting this other couple. It also could end up being awkward for your son and impact on his friendship when the other couple inevitably comments in their son’s presence that they were not invited. As you describe it, what’s the other husband’s “crimes” - “He’s not offending per se, and he can be fine…but is uptight and can be judgmental”. That doesn’t register very high on the Richter scale compared to the awkwardness and potential impact on your relationship with the other wife and your son’s with their son if they are not invited. At this point, they will probably decline anyway because of other plans they have but if they accept, big deal. There will plenty of other people around to buffer the situation. Your husband needs to be more considerate of your position and not himself be so uptight and insistent.
It hardly seems fair to exclude her and her son just because their husband and father is unlikable. Remind your husband that even though the other guy is judgmental, it doesn’t mean he is right. Invite them and let the guy just be his arrogant old self, while you have a good time knowing you did the right thing.
We have a large circle of friends whom we’ve known and socialized with since our kids were in nursery school. There are probably a dozen couples, or more, in this group. There is one couple who are similar to your friends, @conmama . The husband is insufferable and annoying. He is an expert on absolutely everything and doesn’t mind sharing his ‘knowledge’. We usually have a Christmas gathering but didn’t this year because I’ve had some health problems but, if we had done it as we often do, they would certainly be invited. Everyone would wish that he wasn’t there, but I can’t imagine not inviting them. There’s no question that they would find out and I’d never want to hurt my friend’s feelings, even if her husband is a jerk (which she probably knows!)
It’s Christmas. Your husband should be able to rise above this and think of you, if not the annoying friend.
If the other family says something in front of your son, thats really rude. IMO, while a bit awkward, you are not obligated to invite someone over when you are the host.
Here’s a counter – I get if it’s you’re hosting the neighborhood BBQ with 40 ppl in attendance where the stinker’s attitude gets buffered by the sheer size. However, the close confines and intimacy of Christmas eve is on a different scale.
I’m not saying your DH is absolutely right – but something to consider.
It doesn’t sound like you have spent xmas eve together, why start now? I would be more concerned if they were traditionally invited and you were not inviting her this year. If you are good friends with her, why not go out with her for dinner or lunch during the holidays.
Glad it’s working out. I think since all the adults are on board – they’ll act in concert to minimize the stinker’s effect on the party and it should be fine. Good luck!
We had a couple like that in our social circle – the wife was and still is a very good friend of mine. Her H was pretty unbearable although I will say he was a highly intelligent man. You never had a conversation with him – it was always a lecture. They ended up getting a divorce so the issue solved itself, but I understand your predicament . I was often faced with the same one.
If they come, perhaps it might be useful to have a way to deal with whatever he might say/do.
You: “I bought a new car this year, I love it”
Him: “Consumer Reports really didn’t like it, and I would never buy that”
You: “That’s nice. I need a refill.”
Something to get you out of the conversation. I find the best retort really is “That’s nice.” It’s a non-answer that is puzzling to the other person, lol. I’ll bet half of his attitude is that he likes to debate or argue, and feel like he won. This way, you don’t take the bait.
My son who is studying physics has shown me a video of a snarky social scene where the boor stands, holding court, banishing all those who congenially approach with his boorish, dismissive attitude. I think the Dismissive One’s favorite retort to every guest is, “Well, it’s not brain surgery.” (Right, think he is a brain surgeon.)
At the end of the brief clip, a man walks in and stands next to Dismissive One, and handily dims his light with the only smack down which registers…“Well, it’s not rocket science.” (You can guess what he does for a living.)
