He is 21, nothing got broken, the police were not called, there was no mess other than a lot of recycling (which I might have had him put in his recycling bin instead of mine to avoid rumors). If he drank too much of your beer, hide it next time or don’t pay him.
If he is a good kid, I personally might even let him watch the house again if he is willing to keep the Risky Business stuff to a more appropriate level. For a 21 year old, letting the girlfriend stay over all weekend might be OK and a few people for football game … .maybe too.
However, if your standards and the number of available dog sitters are higher than mine, I would just let it go and hire someone else. He does not deserve a pillory … but doesn’t have to be alone in your house again either.
Honestly, I would not have expected less - you say your house wasn’t trashed, you say you told him to eat and drink but then are upset that he drank all your beer when you never told him it was hands off…perhaps he thought you stocked up for himL. Sounds like you are most angry that he drank all your beer. I’d personally be most upset that I had to hook up the TV again, drives me nuts when my young adults to that when they are home visiting. I would not have called his parents but I would have called him and had him come over and rehook up the TV. If him having friends over (though you say the house wasn’t trashed) bothers you, then I would not “hire” him anymore. But lesson learned, the next person you hire to house sit tell them they cannot drink your beer and that they cannot have friends over.
We knew he had friends over because our neighbor, whom we had told that we were going to be out of town, told us this morning that there was quite a lot of activity over the weekend. We then checked the trash and found the bottles and cans, though frankly I would have found it any way when I went to take out the trash because it was such a huge bag, and the type of big black garden trash type of bag we don’t use, sitting right on top! So yes, not so smart of him to not hide the “evidence” better.
And we did make our expectations clear to him, it did not come only from his own mother. So there were no excuses on his part from that perspective.
Being that we have been good friends with the parents over the years, I did feel it was important to tell the mother, especially since she personally assured me that she had had the discussion with her son that he was not to have anyone else at our house. Had she not said that, perhaps I would have felt differently. I would certainly want her to tell me if the roles were reversed. Did we waffle over whether or not to tell the parents??? Absolutely.
Frankly, I could care less that he drank all of our beer, that was just a bit of a tongue in cheek comment about the whole state of affairs. What I do care about is knowing that there were uninvited strangers in my home while I was not there who had to have been very inebriated.
I don’t agree with those who felt one must explicitly set expectations for certain common sense issues such as:
Even if the homeowner says “help yourself to food/drink” in the house, that invitation isn’t usually intended to ok looting the fridge to the point it’s practically empty.
Anyways, looting fridges of food, drink, and spirits is what one should do to one’s opponents and not-so-good friends…not longtime family friends. If he wants to loot 70+ bottles of beer or eat/drink the fridge empty…he and his friends should plan a raid on a nearby fraternity house, wedding reception of someone they don’t know/don’t like, or a political fundraiser of a politician they don’t respect.
Another issue I’d personally have is if one’s hired to “housesit”, common sense should indicate one is “on the job” and shouldn’t be drinking much. Certainly not anywhere near 70+ beers or even a tiny fraction of that amount!! Granted, I have had to deal with/report drunken colleagues in past work situations so I take a dim view of someone drinking on or right before the job…especially one where some level of vigilance is needed.
Lastly, if one is invited to housesit and thus is “on the job”, that’s NOT the proper time nor place to have friends over…especially if the homeowner and parent already stated their expectation clearly on this. Even if it wasn’t stated, one should assume this as a matter of common sense unless the homeowner says otherwise.
After all, it’s not the housesitter’s property to do as he/she likes. Especially if its one where it risks substantial property losses/damage and subjecting the homeowner to potential legal liabilities(drinking/partying).
Agree this 21 year old is certainly not acting in a manner anywhere close to being an adult.
If so, would you consider paying less that the agreed upon amount, since he violated the agreement?
Perhaps hitting him in the wallet is the best way to make your point.
I want to throw a question out there: if one of his guests had driven drunk, would you have had any legal responsibilities, since he got drunk at your house?
If it were me, I would just move on. Nothing broken, no harm to anyone. And he did clean up. If his behavior bothers you, then just don’t ask him to house-sit anymore. But I don’t know what can be gained by rehashing it with the kid.
We left our 19 yr old son and 3 of his friends alone in our flat for a weekend this summer and they drained our liquor cabinet (drinking age is 18 here). But they cleaned up! So, I just informed him that in the future - they needed to provide their own drinks.
I think you were fortunate that your medicine cabinet and jewelry box weren’t robbed. Even if the hired kid is OK, sometimes the friends take advantage.
I have no issue with you contacting his mom, expressing your disappointment. I’d say the food and beer was more than enough tip. I’d have him over to reconnect TV. That is just rude.
Oh, we are moving on, I was just wondering what other’s opinions were of the behavior, and if they would have handled it in similar fashion. I have no intention in discussing this further with the young man, or his parents. It’s said and done as far as I’m concerned.
And I do wholeheartedly agree with cobrat, in that certain things are just common sense/good manners. It is good manners to offer to a houseguest that they can help themselves to food and drink, and good manners for the houseguest to not take the very last one of anything.
Mom responded well. Parents are good parents, I feel bad that I’ve obviously upset the apple cart a bit at their house, but remind myself it’s the kid who actually behaved badly. My only guess is that he has been given relatively little opportunity to spread his wings, Mom still refers to her 21, 20 and 16 year old sons’ bad behavior as being “naughty.” The boy goes to college but still lives at home and shares a bedroom with his two younger brothers. Parents, though perfectly fine with drinking themselves, have forbidden any consumption of alcohol by their boys, even a beer at home with the parents in a safe environment, until they are of legal age. The boy just turned 21 about 2 months ago, so I think he was drunk (literally!) with freedom at our place this weekend.
Uh, looting fridges is not something that one should do, ever. Period.
The idea that it is amusing to “raid” someone’s wedding reception because you don’t know them is appalling. When the family is left without enough food and drink for their guests, it will not be a good joke. When my S lived in his fraternity house, he was on pretty much a full scholarship and got no spending money from us because we could not afford to provide it. He earned whatever spending money he had. If you and your obnoxious friends stole his food, it would not have been as cute as you apparently think it was.
In short, stealing from people is neither amusing nor kind. The attitude that people you don’t know or don’t like are fair game is, frankly, barbaric. They aren’t my tribe, so they are fair game. I would think that the hordes of highly intelligent and civilized relatives you frequently mention would frown on such behavior. If you think it is amusing to indulge in this sort of thing to epater le bourgeois, well, I must be boringly bourgeois and say it is not funny or clever.
The only young adults I trust are my own kids. When my kids were in high school, I would leave them at home by themselves when we had to travel. The idea of having someone else’s kid to do house setting for me is kind of oxymoron.
Oldfort, our kids are both away at school, so sadly we don’t have that option And I say housesitting, but the real purpose was dogsitting. We have a much loved elderly dog, who can no longer handle doggie daycare, and cannot be left alone overnight. We now will be pursuing a professional dogsitter who will take a dog into their own home, since we just don’t feel comfortable having young people who are prone to bad judgment staying in our house.
And somehow I would have been less bothered if one of my own kids had behaved this stupidly upon being left home alone to take care of things (which we have done over the years when they lived at home, or were home for the summer from college). As odd as it sounds, somehow knowing that at least one of my own kids was present during the debauchery would make me feel a bit more comforted that someone who actually has a vested interest in the house was there who might be more likely to keep some sort of lid on things.
@ENsMom, interesting post - I have to say the appallometer is off the dial for this one.
I admittedly get creeped out easily, but how can you know the housesitter’s “friends” drinking your beer weren’t casing your house? If for any reason, heaven forbid, you’re robbed in the next few months I think the police could start by interviewing the housesitter to find out exactly who he was entertaining while you were out of town.
70 beers is obviously an appalling and inappropriate number for a small group of guys to drink over a weekend, but I don’t think it necessarily means that the kid had a raging party or a group of falling-down drunks in your home.
Let’s say he had a group of three or four of his friends over each day and they started drinking steadily at noon and continued to 2 am. That’s one beer every couple of hours each, which is certainly too many beers in a weekend but, if spread out that way, not enough for anyone to get drunk.
I think it is eminently reasonable for a guy to invite three of his buddies over to hang out while housesitting, and it’s peefectly reasonable for them to have some number of beers. In the absence of any evidence at the house (other than in the trash can) regarding how much they consumed (ie no mess in the house; nothing broken; etc), I don’t think it is worth getting all bent out of shape over it. Again, I agree that from a health perspective that’s way too many beers, but my point is that you may be jumping to conclusions about what the trash signified.
Yes, if you do the math it very well may mean that a small number of young men, uninvited and unknown to my husband and I, spent the better part of a weekend in my home drinking beer while we were gone. Not sure how I’m not supposed to be a bit bothered by that.
A couple of years ago our long time housekeeper’s mother was sick which required her to go to her home country for about 6 weeks. We were looking for someone to fill in and my neighbor offered up her housekeeper’s sister who was unemployed at the time.
We had no problems at all with her work, she was always on time and never missed a day. One evening my H who had just returned from a long business trip asked me if I had developed a taste for his Midleton. I don’t drink whiskey or scotch so I said “no” and asked him why he was asking. He showed me the bottle which he had purchased just a few weeks back and it was half gone. I think it is the sort of thing you drink in small quantities and he assured me he had not consumed that much- he had been traveling. We just shrugged it off.
The following week he showed me the bottle again and it was clear someone was drinking the whiskey besides him. There was maybe 3 inches left in the bottle. We knew it wasn’t our teenagers as one was away at school and the other hates alcoholic beverages - makes him ill. So, we figured it had to be the housekeeper but since she had about 2 weeks left with us we said nothing. We did take all the bottles off the glass shelves and put them in my H’s home office which is usually locked. She acted very nervous around us after we did that.
Anyway, we never confronted her or mentioned it to anyone, but a few weeks later on a Friday night I asked my H to make me a vodka and grapefruit juice. He did and when I drank it I said it didn’t taste like there was anything in it but grapefruit juice. He tasted it and agreed. He smelled and then tasted what was in the vodka bottle and the vodka had been replaced with water!!
And I say housesitting, but the real purpose was dogsitting. We have a much loved elderly dog, who can no longer handle doggie daycare, and cannot be left alone overnight. We now will be pursuing a professional dogsitter who will take a dog into their own home, since we just don’t feel comfortable having young people who are prone to bad judgment staying in our house.