“I’m not surprised that he had friends over and consumed a few cases of beer over the weekend; a lot of decent, careful young adults would do the same.”
Not at other people’s homes they don’t. And a few friends consuming a couple of cases of beer is gross.
There’s a difference between driving 66 MPH in a 65 zone and driving 80. To me what this kid was drive 80. e didn’t have a couple of friends over and they shared the beers in the fridge. He either had a big party or drank a huge amount on his own. The lost key, the washed floors and the towels in the closet imply a party that got out of hand.
Years ago my 20 yo boyfriend house sat for one of his professors. He was told not to have overnight guests so I had my own apartment that summer. About half way through the summer after his prof had met and me and cottoned on to the relationship. I was given permission to join him.
We go into the post office to stop mail, it doesn’t work doing it on line though it is supposed to. The newspaper is iffy. They often forget. And then there are the flyers and other stuff poked through the screen door handle. So though we stop everything we also ask our neighbors to check up on the house. We don’t have pets any more so that is not an issue.
Of course there is a difference in 66 compared to 80 on the road, and the legal penalty. But that difference has no relevance to the point I was trying to make. Some here seem shocked and/or surprised this kid of 21 might not have been fully responsible. For them, less than 100% responsible came as a surprise. My point was that through my experiences, I realize not all 21 yr olds are fully responsible, and while I might have been disappointed at the amount of care- not meeting my expectations- this 21 yr old exhibited, it would hardly have been a complete surprise to me.
The analogy is not intended to demonstrate what degree of responsibility he did or didn’t have. It referred to surprise about not being 100% responsible. It was supposed to convey that 65 is the legal max in a 65 zone, so theoretically we know no one drives faster(the 100% responsible), right? But in real life, most of us are experienced enough drivers to know sometimes some people do in fact drive faster than the 65. So for most of us, to see someone(or to be someone) driving faster than 65 does not come as a surprise. I hope that clears it up for you.
70 beers is a lot of beer if you aren’t talking about a large party.
prob true, but let’s remember this was over a couple days, and we don’t know how many were there.
70 beers one night with 2 guests? Maybe a lot.
35 beers per day, div by 5 guys would only be 7 beers each per day. 7 beers in a day isn’t so unusual for 21 yr olds, alone in a house. Was it that? Maybe.
Though I’m sure it sounds like a lot to someone that feels a thirst would be quenched after one or 2 beers.
I can see 5 or 6 guys going through that amount of beer in a week-end easily. Most teenagers drink to get a buzz and it is harder to get there with beer, especially if you are having food as well. The alcohol content of beer is very low and a lot of men drink it like a soda.
My H is 6’2" and beer has almost no effect on him when he is consuming it with food. I used to buy Italian subs on a Sunday afternoon when the guys were watching a football game on TV. They could have 4 or 5 beers each during the afternoon and you would never have known it. I think the food absorbs what little alcohol there is in beer.
I believe the surprise is due to the fact that most 21 year olds we’ve met and interacted with are much more responsible and mature to the point this 21 year old’s behavior strikes most of us as aberrant.
In fact, I’ve met many 18 year olds and even 13-17 year olds who are more responsible…and far more mature than the 21 year old in OP’s account even though this is the type of immature inconsiderate behavior I’d expect far more from a 12-16 year old(albeit an extremely immature one).
Part of this is also due to societal expectations set for certain age groups in their respective subcultures. For instance, there’s no way a 17-18 year old acting the way OP did would be dismissed as “kids being kids” in many US subcultures I know of…especially in past eras or moreso in other societies where young adults and teens are expected to behave responsibly or face serious negative social consequences not only from older adults, but also most in their similar-aged peer group.
This can vary greatly depending on the individual even within families.
One friend who is a smidgen under 6’ is from a multi-generational NE American family of European descent in which most family members had high alcohol tolerances and drank beers and far stronger alcoholic beverages like soft drinks without an issue. Several could probably drink 10-15 strong beers in a single meal or football session without anyone noticing they imbibed at all.
Oddly enough, he didn’t inherit his family’s genes for high alcohol tolerance as he would often need assistance to stand and walk with the help of two or more friends after half a bottle of sake or even a 12 oz can of Budweiser on a full stomach.
It was more odd that he likes to drink, but has an extremely low limit before being wiped out whereas I am somewhere between enjoying it casually and being indifferent while having a tolerance closer to that of his relatives.
“35 beers per day, div by 5 guys would only be 7 beers each per day. 7 beers in a day isn’t so unusual for 21 yr olds, alone in a house. Was it that? Maybe.”
I think 7 beers in a day is quite a lot. I couldn’t physically drink 7 cans of any beverage in a day without forcing myself to do so, and so what that tells me is that someone drinking 7 of any alcoholic beverage is doing so because they’re trying to get drunk or buzzed.
I confess I have not read the whole thread. First, why would anyone expect a 21 year old guy who was house sitting for you all weekend not to invite friends over? Is the guy supposed to sit there all weekend by himself watching an elderly dog sleep most of the day and night?
The amount of beer they drank doesn’t surprise me either. Graduation weekend my S opened his frig to show us the cases of beer. There was also one of those big orange cooler things filled with some alcohol concoction. While we were waiting to leave for dinner some friends of his came over and took all the alcohol to another house for more partying later in the evening, after the cocktail party held for grads and their parents by the parents association. The night before graduation the college also had a big party for the graduates, starting at 11pm and going until 3am when they give them all breakfast. Lots of hung over kids at graduation the next morning.
When I was that age my friends and I went out drinking both Friday night and Saturday, along with doing some other, illegal things. And most of us had been doing that since we were 16 (when drinking age was 18.)
IMO, OP is lucky. She came home to a clean house, nothing broken, nothing missing and dog no worse for wear, I presume.
I never would have called his mother, that is for sure.
Because the house is not the property of the housesitter to do as he wishes and the OP and the housesitter’s mother both clearly told him no guests beforehand. And he opted to ignore the homeowner’s wishes.
IMO, unless the homeowner states it’s ok beforehand, the housesitter should assume that he/she’s not to invite guests over. That was the credo I and many other friends who housesat for family friends and friends’ parents/acquaintances operated under while we did our housesitting. If homeowners didn’t ok it when asked, then that’s the homeowner’s right and it’s not the housesitter’s place to decide otherwise.
Emilybee, if you do read the whole thread you will see that I did mention that we didn’t expect the young man to spend the weekend sitting in our house alone. And comparing what happened here to what you and your kids did/drank over a graduation weekend really has no relevance here. These guys/girls were not getting wasted in a bar or their own apt or their parents’ basement or a graduation – they were getting wasted in my home, uninvited, and I have no idea who they are/where. And they tried to cover it up, which shows they had some idea that it migh be wrong.
Doesn’t look like they tried to cover up anything if they left the beer bottles in big bag in your garage.
My point about graduation weekend is that kids that age drink a lot.
So if you didn’t expect him to spend the whole weekend sitting alone in your house, why are you so upset he had people over and that they drank?
Sorry, but it doesnt sound to me like anything more then a bunch of his friends coming over and hanging out him over the weekend.
“Why am I so upset that he had people over and they drank??” Geez, because I - and his mother, for what that is worth, told him that that was not OK! If you don’t have a problem with the specific behavior, at the very least you should be able to egg knowledge that he ignored instructions
Acknowledge – can’t seem to get the edit to work.
I have booked our dog at a board and care facility for the Thanksgiving weekend. If there is one thing I have learned from this thread, is that I had no idea how differently people view this subject. I am convinced after this that there is no way I will ever allow someone to housesit at my home again. People I consider to be otherwise levelheaded have very different opinions on what is acceptable behavior as a guest than I do.
Im sorry, I don’t understand. You said you didn’t expect him to sit alone in your house all weekend and now you are saying that you told him it was not Ok. So which is it?
Right, so it seems the worst that he did was to ignore or disobey your request. So he has lost your trust and the opportunity to housesit for you again. I think what some of us are having problems with is that while he proved to be untrustworthy, there really was no harm done. He cleaned up after himself and took care of your dog as agreed. There was no property damage and you are simply out a few beers. Not the perfect scenario but hardly something to be all that upset about.
Not meaning to speak for the OP, but she did post earlier that what she meant was that he didn’t have to stay in the house 24/7 and he can hang out with friends…OUTSIDE THE HOME.
However, OP was clear she didn’t mean that the housesitter can hang out with those friends/guests IN HER HOME.
I don’t agree there’s “hardly something to be upset about.”
The mere fact the housesitter acted as if the homeowner’s house is his to do as he wishes to the point of ignoring direct instructions from the OP and his own mother to NOT HAVE GUESTS IN THE HOME HE WAS HOUSESITTING is more than a legitimate reason for the OP to be very upset and even angry with the housesitter.
And he didn’t really completely clean up after himself either considering he left around 70 empty beer bottles and some dirty towels hidden in the corner of a closet. And to add insult to injury, he was so careless he lost the housekey which OP fortunately found in the backyard. Even with the OP being so fortunate, a RESPONSIBLE housesitter should have never been so damned careless to lose track of it in the first place.
If the situation were reversed, how would you like the situation handled?
As a 21 year old, I think calling someone’s parents is uncalled for. You made an agreement (essentially a verbal contract) with this adult, and dealing directly with him would be the best course of action. If the house was was returned to you in a clean condition, then handling it discretely might be better. Pull him aside and remind him that you said only he was allowed in the house and that you are ultimately disappointed that he chose to disobey your rules. Then politely add that you will not be asking him to watch your house in the future. If the house was damaged, that’s an entirely different issue.
Even if he burned the place to the ground, his parents are not responsible for his actions. I would chalk this up as a lesson learned (he can’t be trusted, and it’s fully within your rights to let other people know this fact if they are considering him as a housesitter), and be thankful that it didn’t go far worse than it did.
The only truly unpardonable-sin this kid did in my book, was to not leave a cold beer in the fridge for me for when I returned.