<p>Our son’s school is about 6 hours away. He’s actually going down 5 days before us for wilderness club trip for freshman on a sunday and then we’ll go down on Saturday with most of his stuff. They’ve asked the wilderness kids not to bring their move-in stuff but he’s has to take some things - maybe the bedding and his new (foldable) chair he wanted to buy. So, we’ll get there around noon. Hopefully by then he will have filled out most of the paperwork and stuff he needs to do and has found his room.</p>
<p>There is a welcome barbeque (I think I read that somewhere) that night and then a breakfast for all the next morning and then the induction ceremony that we got a neat invitation for. I’m not sure we’ll get a chance to go to a store for any last minute stuff but he’ll have a car so can do that himself or maybe just walk into town. It seems that they really plan on parents and siblings coming and I think it will be fun. We might stop in the Blue Ridge mountains on the way back or visit some friends we have in the area. Our yougest son is 13 and hasn’t seen the school (neither has husband) so they’re kind of curious about what it looks like.</p>
<p>With son #1 we were surprised at how easy it was (emotionally). I guess the anticipation had wrung a lot of the impact out of us. There were the Target/Costco runs and some opening ceremony type things to go to, one last dinner together, and then he gently (but firmly) pushed us out the door. We (parents) spent an extra day at a friend’s house at the beach nearby (very nice!) and enjoyed ourselves, surprised at how easy it had been (emotionally, that is. The moving part was hard.) The funny thing is - Year 2 it actually hit us harder - I guess we got blindsided a little. Funny how that can happen.
Son #2 started college this weekend. (It’s actually the regular second summer session, with a special progam for new freshmen to jump-start their college careers.) Our daughter was in a soccer tournament not too far away so we both went to the college orientation program for parents, which had as its apparent (and entirely laudable) primary goal the separation of the parents from the students. The programs were boring and repetitious, although we enjoyed meeting other parents at the mealtimes. We set a bad parental example by playing hooky a lot. Since both of our sons are attending college in settings which are to me indistinguishable from resorts I’d like (but can’t afford) to stay at I figured it would be okay to come for the orientation but actually just goof off. We spent the rest of the weekend at our daughter’s tournament.</p>
<p>Bottom line - everyone’s different. You don’t know how it will affect you. Both you and your D will be having lots of conflicting emotions, which may or may not synch. That last meal together might be nice - or might not. My advice is not to make too rigid of a plan, because then your expectations are likely to conflict and you can generate unnecessary last-minute friction. Trust your instincts, be aware of your D’s feelings, and go with the flow.</p>
<p>While we were down for orientation, we made reservations to stay move-in night because we didn’t know when she would be assigned to move in and we really wanted to stay close to campus this time (we made Family Weekend reservations further - and cheaper - away) It’s a six hour drive with no traffic so we’re leaving the day before move-in. We asked DD when she thought we should leave - she said drop me off and drive away as fast as you can! We talked a bit about getting stuff she forgot and is now ok with us leaving the next morning.</p>
<p>We had the whole family at drop off. Because we are a plane ride away from the college, we went a few weeks early and had a family vacation in the same area as her college prior to drop-off.</p>
<p>Our youngest was just 7-- we felt he needed a mental picture of where his big sister was going to be. It was very emotional. As we were unpacking, littlest S disappeared briefly and was found sobbing against the wall outside the dorm, profoundly sad to be losing his adored big sister. Nonetheless I think it was great for all of us to be there, to see everything, and to have the experience as a family. Littlest S adjusted really smoothly once we were home, in part (I think) because he had a clear picture of where his sister was, & he’d met the roommate, seen the neighbors, etc.</p>
<p>We took off fast after her room was basically set up, but since our other S (who was 14) was pretty sick that day and spent drop off sleeping at our hotel, we did check back in very briefly the next am before flying home.</p>
<p>We said final good byes, hugged D, got in the car-- and as soon as we had rounded the corner out of sight, we all burst into tears! So we pulled into a parking lot and cried together.</p>
<p>Despite the intense emotion, it was a very sweet, significant day that I remember with joy. As has been mentioned, it is the beginnning of a wonderful new phase of competence and adulthood that (for me) has been a great step forward in my relationship with my D. It was also a day we experienced, as a family, how much we all love my D. </p>
<p>I echo those above who say there is no “one” way. The ‘Big Fat Greek Wedding’ approach worked well for our family. :)</p>
<p>Any divorced or separated parents have a move in day experience they want to share? I’m really dreading dropping my S off at college since his other parent wants to share the experience with us.</p>
<p>I’m a freshmen going off to school in just under 3 weeks. Can I ask why so many parents want to stay and help with ALL the unpacking and making the bed and all that? My mom is thrilled that she won’t have to pick up after me or anything like that until Christmas. When I go, my parents will help move things from the car to the room, take me to Walmart for sodas, snacks, and other last-minute things, and then go! I’m only 3 1/2 hours from home, but I’ve already had orientation, so there’s no reason for my parents to stay longer. I feel that I’ll do better if I unpack, get books, and do all that other stuff on my own. I doubt there will be a big emotional good-bye, since my older sis has already been through college, and they’ll see me in just over a month for family weekend. I just thought I’d throw this out there.</p>
<p>I’m headed off to college in September. We had always assumed the whole family would go…but freshman move-in is the same as my younger sister’s first day of her junior year in HS. Though I really want her to come, the logical thing would be to leave her behind and see her on Parents Weekend - the problem with that is that the Saturday of Parents Weekend is her 17th birthday and I feel bad overshadowing two of her days. We’ll probably bring sis along for drop-off anyway, as first day of HS isn’t TOO important, we could have her back in time for Day 2, and we all agree it wouldn’t feel right without her (we’re close). Skipping Parents Weekend instead is under consideration, but parents really want to attend.</p>
<p>So, the plan is for us all to drive to school (5-6 hours) the night before move-in and stay in a hotel. After unpacking the next morning/afternoon, one parent who needs to get back to work will drive sister home. The other parent will stay for parent orientation activities the day after move-in and depart in the afternoon as college suggests.</p>
<p>When our oldest D went to school about 3 1/2 hours away my wife and I drove up, helped unload her stuff and get it into her room. We took her to Wal-Mart and the grocery store to pick up some things she might need/want then said good-bye and left. Between being eager to get back home and wanting to allow her to adjust to being away on her own it seemed like the best way to go for all concerned. I’m not saying it’s right for everybody, it’s just what worked for us.</p>
<p>We helped our Ss unload, make beds, etc… chiefly so we could take away boxes, suitcases and other packing devices and bring them back home. There was no way these could be kept in the rooms and we did not want to pay for storing them. It was also useful in finding out what else was needed in case we had to go to Target.</p>
<p>Did someone say they were going to unpack everything? I’m thinking we’ll just set up the computer, someone will make the bed and like Marite mentioned, take away any big boxes or whatever since son won’t have storage room. Not that it would bother son, but I can see him living out of whatever container things are packed in instead of unpacking and putting things in drawers. Also, if we’re driving 6 hours each way and my husband and son have not seen the campus, there are activites for us to attend, why would we drop son off and leave asap? At son’s college at least, it looks like parents are expected to hang out and the kids without parents would be in the minority. But, I’ll tell you if I’m wrong in a couple of weeks!</p>
<p>Divorced mom here…looking forward to dropping D1 off at a school 2 hours away…her sister & bro 16 & 11, will be traveling with us, it seems natural for us to have them see her room…we will help unpack, maybe her father can set the computer up…then there is a speech by the college pres…& a quick reception…and then we will hit the road…it is time for her to move on and meet some academic people…</p>
<p>When I went to college, my sister drove me, dropped me off with all my stuff outside the car & took off…and i never looked back!!! What is with these helicopter parents these days!!!</p>
<p>We also have a 13 hr drive to take D back this fall, so I completely understand why both parents are going. Marian, I doubt that Cosmo will <em>crate</em> the younger DDs. I assume she means that they are not going to make the trip.</p>
<p>I have not been <em>depressed</em> when I left either of my daughters. I’d say it’s more of a mix of excitement and jealously and it’s draining since it’s always hot and humid and the pace is pretty fast. It’s more like the tears at graduation. This is what they have worked for and it’s a great thing! Be happy!</p>
<p>DDs have both been in such great places and have so much in front of them! I would love to have the opportunities to be where they are, doing what they’re doing. </p>
<p>DH and I have worked hard to keep DDs in check, on track, fed, clothed, educated so they could have the opportunities for great, fulfilling lives. It’s fun to see it pay off when they like to have your company, yet are ready to take on the big stuff on their own.</p>
<p>(Please don’t suggest I get a life-- I love what I’m doing now. Also, I can hardly keep up their pace for a weekend, let alone a whole school year!)</p>
<p>I am looking forward to taking my son to college when I think about just the two of us going. Its about a 5 hour drive. But driving means I must also get a dog sitter so I’m thinking flying might be just as easy. We could fly down in the morning & I could fly back in the evening. At his school, he’ll just be moving into a temporary room and it will be about a week and a half before he gets his permanent room so I won’t be able to help him unpack. But they do have a brief parent orientation & the ceremony welcoming kids to the school. But I’m dreading having his other mom along - (my son has two moms & we’ve been separated since he was 3, no dad). She’s so depressed and being with her for more than an hour or so is miserable. She wants us all to drive together (I don’t know if I can tolerate being in the car with her for 10 hours driving there and back). I can only imagine what the drive back with her would be like “oh, my baby has never been away before…” She has said this every time he’s gone away - two six week summer programs in MA, 2 weeks in Costa Rica & 2 weeks to Ireland. Ahhh. Since he lives with me(his biological mother) full time and sees her once a week, usually just for dinner so I really don’t understand her separation anxiety. & I know I remember my going away to college experience - my mom took me and my dad went deer hunting (just like he did every weekend, every September) and I was so hurt that he didn’t take me to college. Any ideas on how to make this work? & I think it is all further confused for us as my son’s other mom is helping to pay for college so I feel like I “owe” her some of the experience of his going away.</p>
<p>I was the oldest in a large family and I was SO jealous of those kids whose parent’s hung around on moving day,or came to visit even just to take them out for a meal. I understood that there were all those kids back home who needed my parents but I wanted them too! I think the first time my dad came to campus was in the spring when he dropped a few of my youngest siblings off for a special siblings weekend. My future husband had a car so he took himself. So to compensate for our experiences, we’re “'coptering”. It’s only fair that DD has something to complain about later!!!</p>
<p>I feel the same. In September of 1977 my father drove me 4 hours to my school, dropped me and my boxes of stuff off in my dorm, kissed me goodbye and left. I was barely 17, never had made a bed before, and felt very much alone. I was so envious of the kids whose mom’s made the trip and helped them to unpack and get settled.
My daughter has already told me how grateful that she is that we will get her settled in before leaving. She has no problem hanging with her folks, we have been close for many years now. Guess we never gave her much to rebel against.</p>
<p>well, my parents hung around a little bit (mostly to get my computer set up and things like that) but since that consisted mostly of my mother ordering people around and being otherwise useless, I kicked them out pretty quickly. I would have been fine with them staying and helping out, and my dad was being really nice and helpful, but it was my move into college and I didn’t want to be told how to do things in my home for the next year. So rather than break out into a fight, I sent my parents on their way. </p>
<p>So, I guess I have this to say- if you’re going to helicopter and help unpack and things like that, respect that this is not a room in your home that you’re decorating. This is your child’s space for the next year. </p>
<p>My mother insisted on making my bed for me, but other than that and assembling some of my furniture, I didn’t need their help to decorate.</p>
<p>I was hugely bummed when my parents blew off parents weekend, though. I didn’t want them there while I was trying to settle in, but when they blew that off I was really bummed, since all my friends were out with their parents and I was eating waffles by myself in the dining hall. I think parent’s weekend is a better time to connect with your kids than move in day.</p>
<p>Oaklandmom- why not let your son decide about move in day? It’s his day to move into school, so if he wants mom #2 there, then you two together can come up with how you’re going to get there and back and all that. If she’s shouldering some of the responsibility for paying for college, then she should probably get to come too, but it’s really up to your son who he wants there on his day. However, if you’re not comfortable with the idea of riding there and back with her, that’s a problem that you’ll have to find a solution for- and that probably really depends on how well you get along together.</p>
<p>My daughter is coming into her senior year now, so we still have a year to go, but I am really worried about move-in day. I’m a cryer under the best of circumstances and leaving my baby is not the best of circumstances, so . . . My plan is to say goodbye at home and do busy work at the college when we get there (she has specifically asked for help in setting up her room and a ride to the local Target) and then running out the door as soon as we’re done without a formal leave-taking. If I haven’t said everything I have to say to my darling long before that day, then I’m not the mother I hope to be.</p>