<p>DD’s dad and I have already been counseled to leave the two younger DDs at home when we drive 8 hours to deliver beloved first born to college, but there are a few other details that I need to ask about:
after trips to best buy, bed bath etc and grocery store for last minute supplies, dh gets computer up and running and we’ve set up d’s room, should we say our final goodbyes that afternoon or arrange to meet the following am for breakfast? I’m OK if she’s ready for us to leave, just want to leave the door open if she wants to meet/university has not planned sunday am activity for the newbies. </p>
<p>Also, my sister says we’ll be too depressed to “stop and do something fun on the way home,” ie. visit a city we like on the way for museum, dinner, activities we usually enjoy, and may as well just drive home sobbing the next day. What say you, oh wise and experienced parents? Thanks in advance.</p>
<p>We’re in the same situation except with a S. Our plan is that unless there is some crucial thing that hasn’t been packed, we will go when everything is unpacked. There will be unplanned time before classes start and he has to figure out what to do with himself during times like that anyway.</p>
<p>Regardless, whatever you decide, everyone should agree beforehand when it’s time to say goodbye. This might make things less awkward.</p>
<p>Well, Cosmo, everyone’s different and my advice is to be flexible. There will be lots of emotions on move-in day (or move-out day, depending on how you look at it), and the best thing you can do is stay calm and amiable. Having said that, our family and our friends who have taken kids to college found that some things are universal:</p>
<p>First, it seems better to leave after the move-in is complete rather than postpone the leave-taking for an extra day. The following day is a good time to start getting used to new surroundings, meeting people, arranging the room, resting, etc., before classes start. </p>
<p>Second, while you might enjoy sightseeing or other activities on the way home, many dads are unexpectedly irritable and sad after leaving a child at college. Everyone knows mom will cry but you’d be surprised how difficult it will be for dad. Keep that in mind in deciding whether to schedule activities for the next day.</p>
<p>Not a parent, but in addition to what the school plans for freshman, see what they’ve has planned for parents. When I moved in last fall, the university had set up seminars and talks for parents with the deans, the security director, student involvement person, health center etc. They also had a night for parents and students at the Baltimore Museum of Art, which is on campus (most freshmen with their families) and this year, I’ve heard they’re offering a bus tour of Baltimore. The parents programs ended with a lunch for parents and siblings. </p>
<p>So while your D might be busy meeting other students and getting to know the campus, there might be times for you to do the same. And in between all the activities, there might be time to meet with your D again - my parents and I went out to eat the night before they left for home.</p>
<p>Not experienced yet, but I’ll say what we plan to do. We’re leaving S2 home or with friends and flying S1 to college the night before official move-in day. I’m assuming moving in and last-minute trips to the store and programs the university has planned will consume that day and we don’t plan to see S1 that evening after an early dinner. The following day has other parent-oriented programs we’ll attend and I assume we will see S for a late breakfast or lunch and after that, say our goodbyes, and fly out that afternoon. Emotionally, I suspect there will be some misting eyes and choking up out of respect for this milestone event, kind of like the first day of kindergarten, but that’s about it. It’s almost like he’s already gone, we’ve seen so little of him this summer. If you don’t have to rush back to the other two D, it sounds like fun to take the long way home and enjoy uninterrupted time with H.</p>
<p>I agree with tanman. Your D’s college may have some activities planned for parents for sunday morning, and they may be worth attending. Then you might be able to plan on having lunch with your D. But if the only reason for staying over is to have breakfast with D, I suggest not. My S would not get up until noon, especially after meeting roommates and staying up half the night to get to know them and perhaps attending some fun events for freshmen the night before.</p>
<p>Cosmo, maybe I’m clueless about the whole procedure (my one son currently at college goes to school less than an hour away from home, so our situation is different), but why on earth are both parents going? Doesn’t that mean having less room in the car for your daughter’s stuff? And doesn’t it mean leaving the younger children unsupervised at home?</p>
<p>I guess it hadn’t occured to me that DD may not want one last free meal from us. We planned to take her out to supper after moving her into her dorm and helping her to set up (computer, printer, TV, bedding, etc) and then dropping her back at her dorm while we go back to the hotel to collapse. The following day I thought I would call and invite her and her roommate to breakfast/brunch, check if there was any last minute things that they needed then depart right after brunch for the 5 hour drive home.</p>
<p>Chances are the school will have a lot of freshmen activities planned for that weekend – plus they’ll most likely have been up very late the night before. (Do you really want to have breakfast at noon?) We did not hang around for breakfast the next day, but said our tearful goodbyes the night before after their little induction ceremony. That is what most parents will do. (Note - All parent orienting was done at the summer freshman orientation, so aside from the induction ceremony there were no other activities for parents.)</p>
<p>In my experience with both D’s, the sooner you get out of there the better. They will be excited to get their new life started and the longer you hang around the harder it is to leave. You can also come back a few weeks later for parent’s weekend.</p>
<p>Gee - I guess we did everything wrong. My firstborn’s college was about 20 hours away. We loaded up the minivan with all of her stuff, H, 2 siblings, firstborn and me. We drove straight down, spent the night in a motel, then moved her in the next day. After we got her unloaded and set up, we left her and did something fun. We met up with her the next day to make a Target run (she had made up a list), then we kissed her good-bye and took off. My three are very close in age and we could not imagine all of us not being a part of this new adventure. On the way home, we visited a college for child #2. He actually goes there now! I guess it really depends on your family and what is normal for your family. We tend to be an all or none group:)</p>
<p>We are taking D2 (a rising Junior) with us for that same reason. She can help stand in line, make the bed, carry stuff etc and it is an opportunity for her to see the school. We are leaving my 12 yr old son home with grandma though. He can kiss and hug his sister goodbye before we leave.</p>
<p>I would substitute * exhausted* for depressed
1st year- sister was away at camp- we had friends pick her up as we wouldn’t be coming back till after her.
H had never been to the college and since they had activities for parents it was a good time for him to go.
We also get very few nights away from home, so I sure was not going to stay home with the dog.
It was hot- very hot- so we ran around trying to find a bigger fan, while D unpacked. I was also good at standing in lines.
Her school has several out and about activities as part of orientation.( didn’t have summer orientation thankgoodness, D was away at her summer job anyway- all orienting is done at one time)</p>
<p>THey make very clear parents are to be out before then, but we did stay a few days before hand and enjoyed the opportunity to be alone with D, take her out to dinner etc.</p>
<p>Lil sis ( she was 11) and grandma & I went down for parents weekend in Nov that year. D was settled in by then and could introduce her sister around. We didn’t get to do much parents weekend stuff since grandma decided she wasnt up to it, but the dog was happy that she hadn’t dropped off the face of the earth.
( she also came up for fall break in October- but that was the last time she did so)</p>
<p>Five years ago, my husband, son and I drove our daughter to college (only 4 hours away), shlepped everything into her third-floor dorm room, helped her do some unpacking, and then said a quick goodbye. The school had no orientation activities involving parents, and she was eager to go to to the first orientation event.</p>
<p>Of course, I blubbered a bit on the way home, had a good cry (alone in the house) the next day while sitting in her room, and then life settled down into a “new kind of normal.” My son moped around for a couple of weeks, missing his sister, but he adjusted just fine as he started high school.</p>
<p>There are times when I still absent-mindedly set the table for 4 people instead of 3 (and vice versa, when she came home during breaks). Now our son is about to launch into college (13 hours from our house). This school has activities for the parents the first day or so, so we will stay for that, then fly home. </p>
<p>I think that saying “so long” is easier the second time around. The sadness you feel over experiencing the closing of this particular life chapter is quickly swallowed up by the wonder and joy at seeing your student spread his/her wings and grow into a wonderful, loving, responsible young adult!</p>
This is how we did it. But DS did not want the free dinner (!) nor breakfast/brunch/dinner with roommates/friends the next day. He <em>did</em> want me to run and get a few things for him at the local Target, etc. </p>
<p>My feeling is to make the offer, but not take it personally if the kid wants to be sans parents right from the get-go. For me, it was fine. For some parents, it would be hard. So set your expectations appropriately, or - if a family meal is non-negotiable - let your kid know this.</p>
<p>Remember that there is a silver lining if your S or D does not want to be with you. It means he or she is settling in and finding a niche. Consider the alternative: a clinging new Freshman who only wants to be with you.</p>
<p>As with all milestones for my kid, I felt a bittersweet elation for him moving into a new phase, rather than depression and sadness and painfully missing him. But everyone is different. So do what is right for you and your kid. <em>hoping that there is some overlap between the two</em></p>
<p>We (Mommy) couldn’t go because DS took all the money for school. And August airfares are very high. So we kicked the kid onto the plane, threw the exact weight bags behind him and told him to make friends real quick with parents with kids ten feet behind with NIB stuff. Be on the lookout for Acuras and minivans and act preppy. Make friends with seniors because they will dump their college stuff quickly in April. Make friends with Sophs b/c they will have texts for sale. Make due until Mommy can get enough frequent flyer miles for a ticket. If he wanted to come home, follow the trail of crumbs from the cookies that we gave him for the outbound plane ride and transfers. And since he lived so far from the school make the other roommates buy the TV, microfridge, microwave.</p>
<p>The college is a 7 hour drive. and school starts mid-September. With another son at home in HS and in an evening college course, best for one of us to stay home and take care of things.</p>
<p>Wife plans to go but may have jury duty so I may be last minute replacement. Life…blah!</p>