<p>PhysicsBaby is a little over four months old. The last four days or so, she seems to start crying very easily if I’m not in the room. She’s also had a terrible time sleeping. We co-sleep (long story), but she normally doesn’t need to be in my arms in order to sleep. However, lately, as soon as I put her down at night, I watch her face go from content to pouty to squealing/crying within a minute no matter how fast asleep I thought she was while in my arms. She is, in fact, in my arms right now. I’ve got her kind of spread out on her boppy in my lap with one arms over her feet and the other under her head while I type, if you can visualize that. She’s snoozing it up. The typing certainly doesn’t bother her.</p>
<p>This started when we brought her home from a visit to her grandma and grandpa’s house. She spent all day at their home without her daddy and me (and it’s not the first time - they’ve watched her for equally long periods of time before without it seeming to affect her), ate fine while she was there, and so on… when we went to pick her up, she was smily and happy. It’s only when we arrived home and started back into our normal routine that she seemed to act paranoid, as if every time we set her down, we were going to just leave her there. Her grandma dotes on her 24/7 so I know it must specifically be us that she is paranoid about. </p>
<p>I remember reading somewhere that separation anxiety doesn’t start until about six months, but apparently that’s not the case for my daughter. Or is it just the disruption of her routine that’s been upsetting her? But now we feel guilty at the thought of letting anyone else watch her since it’s not like we can explain it to her so she understands. </p>
<p>Any input? How can we ease these transitions for her? Or should we just wait until she’s older?</p>
<p>probably the disruption in routine, her naps could have been off kilter.</p>
<p>I ALWAYS found from Thanksgiving till after New years my “newish” babies, my July and September babies sensed the “Holiday” stress, parties/family gatherings/Christening day, they would be off balance for a day or two after an outing.</p>
<p>If it is separation anxiety, it will only increase as she gets older, I remember the cling on stage, like an octopus. Very hard to get around it, but don’t not do things, unless you are too upset to enjoy the outing.</p>
<p>What you describe is less like separation anxiety, usually that is when you are leaving them</p>
<p>When you are ready to have her sleep on her own, get a copy of “Solving Your Child’s Sleep Problems” by Richard Ferber. There will be on chapter in there that will helpful to you, which will be worth the price of the book.</p>
<p>Separation anxiety is hardwired into kids, and it starts a bit earlier for some than others. </p>
<p>Mostly, you just kind of muddle through the situation. </p>
<p>I would strongly advise keeping her grandparents involved in her life and leaving her with them for periods of time on a regular basis, if that’s OK with them. The idea is to keep her being used to being with them. It will give you and her father more freedom if there are four people she accepts easily, rather than two.</p>
<p>As for the sleep thing, I don’t recommend the Ferber approach, although I know that some people swear by it. To me, it seems too unkind. The instinct to be in physical contact with others while sleeping probably saved a lot of little kids’ lives in prehistoric times (those who were willing to fall asleep while alone were much more likely to be eaten by predators than those who would only sleep with a familiar adult present). It’s not the kids’ fault that the same instinct no longer serves them well in today’s world.</p>
<p>I don’t know if it is the best solution for you , but the best advice I ever received from my pediatrician about babies sleeping is pretty simple. They learn how to sleep by the pattern you set…for instance if you feed your baby until they fall asleep, when they stir in a normal sleep pattern and wake , they need to be fed again in order to get back to sleep…no out of hunger, but because this is what they associate with falling asleep.</p>
<p>With my first child, I was pretty exhausted after 5 months and decided to take my doc’s advice to stop nursing til she fell asleep. Instead, find another soothing rountine
( for me it was rocking for about a half hour before bed time ). While she was still awake and relaxed , put her down and let her learn how to fall asleep on her own.
I was told to be prepared for some protest and crying , but it didn’t happen.
We went from no more than 3 hours of sleep intervals ( any of us ) to baby sleeping from 8pm until 7 am.
You have to make sure that baby’s well fed, warm and dry.
I realize that this approach doesn’t sit well with everyone, but it sure made for a peaceful household and, yes happy well rested baby !</p>
<p>Second and third child gave us a little more resistance and cried , but within a few nights were sleeping soundly thru the night.</p>
<p>There can be many reasons why a baby doesn’t sleep. However, my feeling is that there are some good sleepers, and some not so good. I tried everything. I read many books. I know I read Ferber, but it was not magical. I think the part about associating feeding with sleep was true, and a good habit to break. However, the good news is that eventually, they almost always learn to sleep well. I know it is maddening that they seem asleep and that as soon as you put them down they are awake and screaming.</p>
<p>Make sure the room is warm enough for the baby but that the baby is not overdressed (dressed enough, but not sweating.)</p>
<p>Good luck. By high school they like to sleep alot.</p>
<p>okay, here is what worked for me, I have 4 and they all slept through the night from 8 weeks old. The not feeding till falling asleep is key. ( I also would wake them to feed them to keep them on somewhat of a sched.) They all actually slept in my room until about 4 -to 6 months next to bed. I found if I put them down and even just talked to them they would fall asleep. I am not a personal fan of Ferber method, but I know many people it worked for but I think it was out of control, so anything was worth a try. </p>
<p>I also was one of those not opposed to pacifiers, eventually they stop using them. One chose his thumb, a little harder to get rid of, but they do.</p>
<p>Only one of my three was a thumbsucker…but I was too. I remember people walking down the street and reaching to take her thumb out of her mouth ! Also, in th emergency room waiting area, when she cut her head !</p>
<p>Hey, I remember this debate! Co-sleeping, sleep training, Ferberizing - I used to be really up on this stuff. PhysicsMom, I think your d is responding to the change in her routine imposed by the holidays. She also may be poised for a growth spurt, developing a greater awareness of the surrounding environment, or getting a cold. Could it be true stranger anxiety? Not according to its most rigid definition. But then, I had one kid who would cry when anyone other than her parents held her, from the first weeks of life until she was over a year old. We called that stranger anxiety, though it actually made us anxious.</p>
<p>JMO here, and I know it’s not what the OP asked - I think the most effective way to deal with a baby’s sleep patterns is to examine your own feelings about the situation, and take appropriate action. If you feel you must have the baby sleeping quietly in his/her own crib 10 hours a night without interruption, work toward that. This might involve sleep training, or some degree of crying it out. I wouldn’t do it, but hey - it’s your baby, and no one loves him/her the way you do.</p>
<p>For our family, I felt/feel that babies are designed by nature to wake frequently, at first for nursing and later for comfort and reassurance. I don’t think parents make them that way - evolution did. So we spent almost a decade in some kind of co-sleeping arrangement with three kids, and I have absolutely no regrets about that. They grew up to be marathon sleepers who went hundreds of miles away to college (and display many other signs of independence, too!). </p>
<p>This issue can be such a polarizing one - the “spoilers” versus the “neglecters.” I don’t think the conventional wisdom is worth much here. What matters is what you think.</p>
<p>I used to get so mad when in laws said I should never have them in my room or bed, it worked for us as well, okay maybe H got a little frustrated when they took up alot of space. ( I do not encourage newborns in bed as this is just dangerous, thus the crib in my room) eventually they all move to their own space. I think it is true about your own feelings toward sleeping babies. </p>
<p>mine could also sleep anywhere, we are not a very quiet bunch!</p>
<p>I agree with Marian re the Ferber approach. We tried it with our first two children, but it just didn’t feel right. We switched to the family bed, and it worked well for us for the next three children. Lots of babies in and out of our bed for years, but everyone turned out happy and well-adjusted despite dire warnings from the more conventional experts.</p>
<p>My sure-fire solution to our various babies’ occasional sleep problems was singing. I would always sing the same lullaby, over and over (it’s going through my head right now :)), and eventually it worked its magic. I didn’t change the song from night to night, but kept it the same so that the baby would associate it with sleep.</p>
<p>My second D (now 14) had the separation anxiety from an early age. She liked to be held and carried around all the time so I used a front pack so I could get things done and be able to play with my then 2 year old D. My youngest also slept in the room with us until about 7 months next to our bed. </p>
<p>I also did not nurse her to fall asleep, but she was a baby that was up once or twice a night until she was almost 7 years old! I have many funny stories about her when she was younger. She would call for Mommy during the night and I would go ask her what she needed and as a little one many times it was to use the bathroom becasue she was afraid of the dark. But as she got older she would call me and say, “Mommy I just woke up and was thinking about how much I love you!” I would tell her she could wait until morning and tell Mommy that, but as I look at her today as a hs freshman I still have fond memories of those sleepless nights.</p>
<p>When she was almost 7 years old her 9 year old sister staring riding ponies. My younger D asked if she could ride, but I told her that you had to be able to sleep all night to ride ponies. We did a star chart for her (never worked before!) and after two weeks of sleeping all night she got her pony ride. Now 7 years later she is a competitive hunter/jumper rider all because of sleeping all night!</p>
<p>One things that worked for my kids was that I tried not to pick them up when they were crying, especially as they got a bit older. I would go into their room and talk soothingly. This would usually get their attention, and they would stop crying. Then, I would pick them up. It was a subtle way of training them that crying was not the way to get attention. They both developed a tendency when the awoke in the morning to simply coo and gurgle and make non-crying noises, at which point H or I would go in and get them.</p>
<p>Obviously, you know if there’s something wrong and you need to pick them up immediately, when they are sick, for example. And of course, until they can make sounds at you, other than crying, crying is their only way of communicating. This must be used with common sense. I don’t believe it letting a baby “cry it out.”</p>
<p>But neither of my kids ever cried for what they wanted once they got beyond infancy.</p>
<p>I tried everything to get my oldest to sleep, she never slept well, she never slept through the night until #2 was born and she had her own bed, but that was cheating, she did not really sleep through the night, she just could get up and make her way to our bed on her own and we did not have to wake up- just lift the covers and snuggle.</p>
<p>This kid never slept well, I can remember in HS her complaining of issues and to this day she has sleep ‘issues’ as does DH, so sometimes kids who don’t follow the rules or the norms are just different.</p>
<p>I thought it was just me for a while, you know, not being a good enough mom, but my others slept just fine.</p>
<p>Thanks, everyone. I think the problem was partially her change in routine, and partially that I comfort her more/better than anyone else. Her sleeping is usually good, though of course that’s conditional - it’s good in our bed. We don’t mind for now, though we think it’s important to us personally to switch her back to her crib within the next two months. </p>
<p>She use to sleep in her crib, but we went to visit my family in mid-October. After that, she seemed all mixed up. I tried to get her to sleep in the crib by leaving her there for a few minutes and then coming in to comfort her if she cried, but she would shriek and cause herself to gag after even two minutes. Then I’d comfort her and she’d start shrieking immediately if I started to set her back down. It made all the “leave the baby there for a few minutes, and if she cries…” stuff irrelevant. IF she cries? What? Or leaving her there for few minutes of gagging? No. But the pediatrician has given us some tips that I hope will help, and she does seem more mature in her sleep habits now than she did in October.</p>
<p>I love the word Ferberizing! We tried it with D1 and I hated it with a passion. A week into it, she was still crying 45-60 minutes a night (the first night was almost two hours). I must have been nuts not to realize this was idiotic on our part to let a baby cry that long. To this day, she is the more anxious kid. With D2, we definitely did some form of shared sleeping, and we were ALL much happier!</p>
<p>my kids slept with us till they were 4 ish and they nursed that long too.
Although by that point it was more first aid than anything else & so intermittent, that it was a long time before I realized they had stopped.</p>
<p>But ya know- I hope they have a therapy fund.
;)</p>
<p>Does physicsbaby have a tranistional object (blanket, stuffed animal, etc) that she keeps with her to soothe her when you are not there. That provides stability and consistency. Another thing that really helps is to have somrthing that SMELLS like you. Take a t shirt that smells liek you one you’ve worn, but not to the gym-- sweaty smelly is not what you are going for) and put it on a pillow. Leave it with grandparents and physicsbaby. You’ll be surprised how effective that is… Two other helpful things are to warmt he babies bed with a heating pad or something, an then take theheating pad out when you put baby in… Warm bed feels like warm body and sleep persists. Also, we found that putting a fussy baby in their car or bouncy seat thing on top of the dryer was really helpful – the slight warmth and vibration worked wonders. Good luck.</p>
<p>I love the heating pad advice…never thought of that. The transitional object was something that happened with my first. I tried to provide a few such things for her, but in the end she chose what it would be…instead of the nice little dolls that were handmade and very baby friendly, she chose the cheapest little blanket /quilt we had.
I had it hanging over the side of her crib ( it was part of a spare set I had ) I noticed that in the morning when she got up the quilt was pulled into the crib…then one night when I laid her down for sleep, I kept the door ajar and watched her reach up and grab it to snuggle with. From that day on, I realized she had her blankie and took it out when we rocked her before bedtime, just to make it even more soothing for her. </p>
<p>Second child chose a toy her sister gave her ( anyone remember Fisher Price Puffalumps ? ) she was the thumbsucker and she wore a hole in it to hold when she sucked her thumb. She called it her " baby" and it went out with us a lot !
She once dropped it in a Sears and it got locked in for one extremely long night. She still has baby, dirty, worn and well served</p>
<p>My older son got attached to those flannel-covered rubber sheets that you can put on the baby bed in case they leak out of their diaper :eek: We had several versions of that thing-- and fortunately several could be substituted (though not all-- some he flat out rejected). But they were easy to carry aroud. He would ask where it whas by asking "wee?? " It became known as his “Wee”. Probably still have a few around here somewhere…</p>
Co-sleeping, sleep training, Ferberizing - I used to be really up on this stuff. PhysicsMom, I think your d is responding to the change in her routine imposed by the holidays. She also may be poised for a growth spurt, developing a greater awareness of the surrounding environment, or getting a cold. Could it be true stranger anxiety? Not according to its most rigid definition. But then, I had one kid who would cry when anyone other than her parents held her, from the first weeks of life until she was over a year old. We called that stranger anxiety, though it actually made us anxious.</p>