Back to business: Confidentialia College

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Now that summer’s on, and with it the run on extra-long sheets, minifridges, luggage etc., it seems appropriate (well, at least to me) to pick up this thread, which fizzled out midway in stride when we all became engaged in the topic of acceptances.</p>

<p>To recap, the idea sprung during a thread begun by Curmudgeon, who initially suggested that if we CC parents focused our attention and recommendations on a specific college, we would have a chance of making a major impact on that college’s practices, as well as its status and rankings. </p>

<p>That idea soon morphed into the concept of setting up our own virtual college, so that we wouldn’t have to change things - just do it right from the beginning.</p>

<p>This included the concept of self-nominations for administrative and faculty positions at the school. Of course, Curmudegon was named president by acclamation. Others nominated themselves for spots. </p>

<p>Here is where we were able to get to, followed at the end by a link to the original thread so that newcomers to the process can better understand the process and principles (or lack thereof). If I have omitted any, put it down to being an AK. Also, a drink at the Sinners Alley bar could always assist in lubricating thought vehicles.</p>

<p>Oh yes, we did have one principle, which related to self-nomination for positions, namely: in order to make this school special, none of us may function in our professional capacity. To the contrary, we are only permitted to accept a post in a capacity for which we are not qualified professionally but for which we do have some other special qualifications. For that reason I disqualified myself from heading up any law-related programs and we had to decline Cheers’ application for head of the architecture department. On the other hand, this resulted in Curmudgeon’s appointment in the Dance department (for the reasons, you’ll have to read the thread).</p>

<p>College name: Confidentialia College
Motto: It’s all about fit
Latinate motto: Aptus est omnia (or perhaps “Aptare omnia est”; any latin scholars?)
Emblem or logo (work in progress): background of CC blue; a pair of bloodshot eyes above a computer mouse draped across a pair of topsiders
School colors: Emerald and blue
School mascot: the sluggbugg
Housing options: yurt, Southeast Asian longhouse, treehouse, painted vintage VW bus, suites w private bath, underground dorm
OneTentative dorm name: Beddbugg
Presidential portrait: :eek:
Student tradition/legend: Stealing Pres. C’s topsiders, walking a mile and returning them
Sports: co-ed varsity skateboarding, poker, ping-pong, Quidditch,coed wiffleball, cafeteria tray boarding team (snow or no snow).<br>
Departments: art history, musical theater, Latin, personal finance, history, comparative literature, winter clothing, world travel, psychology, most non-dead languages, Sanskrit, Elvish culture, hieroglyphics, ancient Greek, dance, ethnomusicology, religious studies
Location: tbd - separate summer and winter campuses? California? Oceania? New Mexico, Shenandoah Valley, Berkshires, Aspen, virtual
Campus amenities: pool tables, massages, and Antabuse for those under 21. Dorm rooms: allow all pets except reptiles, amphibians and elephants. Special dog and cat-themed dorms as well as pet-neutral. Bicycles can be rented.
The campus is fully wired, and all laptops have CC as a home page
Campus hub: pent (5-sided quad) w/ statue of President Curmudgeon wearing topsiders, 10-gallon hat, holding an as-yet-to-be determined item in one hand and a copy of a Kurt Vonnegut book in the other, standing on the head of a rattlesnake, with a joint behind him
President:Curmudgeon
Director of: Food Services - mootmom; Campus Store - jmmom; enology - cangel; Music - SBmom; radio station-schoolmarm
Faculty:Assistant Professor of Bodhran, director of the Early Music Ensemble, and Quality Control Consultant for the Rathskellar-BassDad
Esteemed Chair of Tolkien Studies/Elvish Language and Literature, and in chrage of the Celestial Navigation club -Voronwe
Perfect Fit Study Abroad program committee: Cheers, Momrath, Cupcake and Robrym
Professor of String Theory and Practice: Lefthandofdog
Assistant Professor of String Theory and Pottery - Ariesathena
Professor of Environmental Sciences - Garland
Professor of Music - Cangel
Professor Emeritus of Ethnomusicology and Religious Studies - Dadofsam
Professor of Botanical Latin - Mezzomom
Director of Performing Arts - TheDad
Athletic Director and player/coach for wiffleball and cafeteria tray boarding - Maize&Blue
Professor of Waterskiing - Over30
Professor of Literature - SBMom
Director of Housekeeping/Groundskeeping - jym626; Director of Admissions - reidm; Director of recruiting - andi
Fight song: Brave Buggs will never fail - see post #62 for the words
School newspaper: The Daily Curmudgeon
Slogan:ILLEGITIMI NON CARBORUNDUM
Frat/sorority houses:Phi Slugga Bugga, Beta Upsilon Gamma (B.U.G)
School store necessities: Chocolate and stale marshmallow peeps (color tbd, but probably yellow and blue); Snapple and Taylor pork roll, New York pastrami
Mascot name: Sir Mudgeon
Commencement exercise marshals: penguin parade
School cheer - Squish 'em Buggs, Squish 'em!</p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=40031[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=40031&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

2

<p>I think I volunteered for an accounting position - I’ve always thought the title “Bursar” had an unusual ring to it. Put me down for Scrupulously Honest Bursar.</p>

3

<p>Can I be an adcom? My qualficiations are zilch, except what I’ve learned from CC…but I’m wide open to being lobbied (but not bribed)…and I do think we should be a “true safety”–i.e., only say no to applicants who don’t meet our qualification standards…</p>

4

<p>Fireflyscout: in that post you said: “Can I handle the business office? If I could survive auditing savings and loans in the mid 80s, I can survive the accounting intriciacies of Confidentialia.”</p>

<p>Speaking on behalf of the Board, that seems to mean that you are, or were, a professional auditor or accountant, or something in the financial professions higher than that. If so, following our sole principle. I’m afraid that we cannot accept your nomination. Besides, this is supposed to be fun, a good deed to the world, not work. What’s your unofficial specialty?</p>

<p>OAM: sure, we need more people on the adcom (reidm, director). In fact, we need people to draft the admissions requirements.</p>

5

<p>Although Firefly fails on the “professionally qualified” criterion, I - for one- am in love with her reason for wanting the job. Loving the title “Bursar” (what’s not to love :D) and her suggested title enhancement win her points in the “essay” portion of her app, imho.</p>

<p>I’m too lazy to look up the post # in the thread, but I’m pretty sure we had a principle where we agreed to throw out any principles at our convenience. I find it convenient, and hereby sign up as Campaign Chair for “Firefly Scout for Scrupulously Honest Bursar.”</p>

6

<p>LOL. So that everyone who doesn’t bother to read the original posts doesn’t think I’m Donald Trump (fond of his name), I went off a Long Explore and these people had this sucker rolling by the time I got back-talk about your hijack-this was The Hijack of Hijacks. MY posts had to do with a real takeover of an LAC by getting all our kids to apply, thereby of course simultaneously increasing it’s selectivity , yield, and test scores. But after trying to hold off the heathens, I gave in to their unyielding and very funny attacks , and agreed to serve as long as I had absolutely no official duties.</p>

<p>Being highly qualified under our hiring practices mandate discussed above, I actively sought and lobbied for a position in the dance department.This of course is to best of my incredibly and increasingly sieve like memory Further, your affiant sayeth not.</p>

<p>Oh. Yeah . Fireflyscout should be the “scrupulously” honest bursar. Burse away.</p>

7

<p>Ooh ooh ooh! Can I be the food service director <em>and</em> an adcom? I’ll bet there aren’t too many of those dual-specialty folks in The Real World.</p>

<p>Burse is a verb, huh? Cool.</p>

8

<p>jmmom: Fireflyscout had a great reason for wanting that job, just like I had plans to set up a law school the right way. </p>

<p>Then Vornonwe reminded us: “As per the posts beginning with 49 (mine was 49), for a short while there, like a half dozen posts!) we were only going to teach things we DON’T do professionally in real life!”</p>

<p>So I had to drop my self-nomination for dean of the law school. I suppose that we could do without principles, as a matter of principle, but that seems too much like complete anarchy to me (as opposed to almost complete anarchy). Besides, the principle was adopted democratically.</p>

<p>But, heck, I’m not in charge here. People can have as much anarchy as they want. But I’m going to stick to our sole principle and keep my professor emeritus (emeritus because by the time we get set up I’ll be eligible for reitrment) spot.</p>

9

<p>Well, soon we’ll have to deal with a Comptroller. I believe a Comptroller takes your money, s/he does not burse, much less disburse. So can I suggest a Comptrolling Freak?</p>

<p>As for admission criteria, how about quirky, as long as the folks over on Parents Forum can come to a definition of the term?</p>

10

<p>If we are allowed to volunteer for teaching positions, I volunteer to be Assistant Professor of KT boundary dust cleaning and Navel Exploration</p>

11

<p>Can I be Dean of Procrastination? There are many new and exciting initiatives that I would like to bring to Confidentialia College, for example - a name change, and elevate it to full University status… if I ever get around to it! :)</p>

12

<p>Dean of Procrastination could be a very popular person on campus. Would the students come to you for a procrastination pass, as needed for tests/papers/exams/calling home to family?</p>

13

<p>Since Dadofsam has decreed that I can be an adcom, I’m a happy overanxious mother…now I’m thinking about the best admission standards…but I do need to talk to you, NJres (aka Dean of Procrastination), about the legitimate reasons I can use for putting off the task…and I should add that I, too, shall abide by the defining principle of Confidentialia College/University–in the real world, I am a world-class expert procrastinator so much as I would like to, I cannot challenge NJres for that very appealing job…</p>

<p>Admission standards: We should definitely be a true safety, but also highly selective, don’t you think? At least a 3.8 unweighted GPA, and at least a 1500 (2250? new) SAT…unless, of course, there are rec’s, ECs or “hooks” that make us take a 1450/3.6…and since we are going to pay our faculty and administrators so handsomely, we’ll have no trouble at all filling teaching posts, so we won’t have to worry overmuch about having too many applicants…what are there, about 40,000 HS seniors w/those stats? I say let’s take 'em all (take THAT, HYPS!). And they of course all should get very generous merit aid–say 98% of the COA? (And the 2% can be met by needs-based aid for those who can’t afford the 2% EFC)??? And of course we should guarantee admission into the grad/postgrad program of each undergrad’s choice, don’t you think?</p>

14

<p>As someone who has not worked professionally as a CPA in 13 years, I thank you for the honor of being allowed to contribute to Confidentiala College. I am burse-ting with pride!</p>

<p>Do I get to wear a robe and a funny hat at convocation?</p>

15

<p>Fireflyscout: with the powers invested in me (though I sure don’t know by whom) I hereby decide that 13 years of not being a CPA nullifies your previous expertise and qualifies you for the position of Scrupulously Honest Bursar. However, budgets being nonexistent, I’m afraid that you will have to design and pay for your own convocation outfits (as will we all).</p>

<p>Mootmom: if you can handle the demands of both jobs, why not?</p>

<p>Gnusasaurus: what department would that all fit into - or do we have to create a new one? And what is KT boundary dust, and your qualifications for this position?</p>

<p>OAM: The admissions committee shall detemrine the standards, set the number of students we accept, etc. Please bear in mind that the number of students we accept will have a bearing on the choice of the campus location, or whether we have to become a fully virtual college (see the discussion in the old thread).</p>

<p>Marite: glad to see that you have decided to return; please nominate yourself for an administrative or faculty position - we need you.</p>

<p>Dean of Procrastination sounds good to me; sometimes I feel that the world needs more of that; also ensures that I truly am or will be a professor emeritus.</p>

<p>Carry on, all.</p>

16

<p>

Some would like to say that the power comes from deep within ourselves but I believe in a more spiritual interpretation. I believe we can look to the non-religious patron saint of Confidentialia College and founder of our Self-Study Technique, Os-Moses. That’s right. These powers come to us through Osmoses.;)</p>

17

<p>Thanks for the explanation, Cur. I think the Tablets need some liquid for the Os-Moses process to work, don’t you think? Didn’t someone move over from Sin Alley, glass of some alcoholic beverage in hand, to volunteer as Dean of Liquification?</p>

18

<p>Hey, dadofsam:</p>

<p>The KT boundary is geologists shorthand for the seperation between the Cretaceous and the Tertiary periods. 65 million years ago a pesky little meteorite slammed into the Yucatan peninsula, scattering a heck of a lot of dust and killing dinosaurs. I have no formal training in the dust cleaning, other than my wife hollering at me to clean up after myself. I do have a fair amount of experience in navel exploration. :)</p>

<p>I hope my lack of formal training does not disqualify me for this postion. If an assistant professorship is not available, my qualifications and training would most assureredly fit under the Department of Janitorial Services.</p>

<p>Thank you for considering me for this position.</p>

19

<p>Gnusasaurus: what do you say to an appointment to the newly established faculty in the field of Transcendental Geology? Interdisciplinary disciplines are now at the forefront of something-or-other, I understand. If you’re not very good at cleaning up after yourself, even with your wife’s encouragment, pehaps janitorial services isn’t the best place for you.</p>

<p>Marite: please self-nominate; we need your expertise</p>

20

<p>It would appear that Gnu has the corner on the hard stuff, I mean solid state physics, aka Transcendental Geology. So I probably take charge of the liquid stuff. Someone has to be in charge of lthe Theology of Liquids and Ether so that I can supervise the dissolution of Tablets through Os-Moses. My main qualification is that I don’t drink (at least alcohol). </p>

<p>“All that is solid melts into air.” Karl Marx.</p>