First, let me share a little about myself. I have lived in the city since highschool and have been actively involved in the music scene for the passed year with my new band, but was in a band before that for six years that had some on-paper success. While going to highschool, I worked hard to balance my band and my school work. After highschool, I enrolled in part time college so I could continue to do both my band and college. As the band activity simmered down I began taking on a heavier course load and dipped into a deep depression. Recently I decided to apply to transfer to a different department within n.y.u as I have been going to nyu’s continuing and professional studies program. I decided to do this for a few reasons. One, its my last chance since I am about half way done with credits, and two, because while I have loved some of my classes (well really only the creative writing ones) I am not in love with N.Y.U. Additionally, I somehow managed to get a 3.9 GPA and felt hay, might as well shoot for some reach schools now ( when I first got out of highschool I did not really apply or stress over school selection , because I figured Id be doing band stuff and going on tour anyway). I made a lot of sacrifices and have done a lot to be able to pursue my rock band endeavors.
So jumping to my current predicament. Ive been accepted to all of the schools I have applied to so far (although still waiting on a few). I have narrowed down my choices to bard and n.y.u., but I am really torn. On the one hand I love the city and part of me is terrified by bards isolation. This makes me lean towards N.Y.U. Additionally If i went to n.y.u I could continue my new band (and things have been going really well, although its important to note that all of the band members are not exactly reliable and stable) However, at n.y.u I can not do creative writing. Instead, I would have to double major in journalism and sociology (or potentially psych and journalism) I decided on these to because well journalism would allow me to write and sociology would prepare me for grad school (grad school for psychology). Perhaps this is more practical than a creative writing major? But I love creative writing as much, and recently more, than music. Sometimes I question weather I am still doing music out of stubbornness, and weather or not I actually enjoy it that much anymore. I have grown up with this image of my self as a singer in a rock band and I feel like its this huge part of who I am, but I feel like the writer in me is just as important and i have not had much of a chance to explore that side of myself. That being said, doing music recently has proven very helpful in writing gaining connections (as weird as this sounds). Mostly in terms of writing music reviews but writing nonetheless. However, I don’t really need to be in the city to do this. Its also important to note that this semester my new band has been picking up traction and we have been able to play 3 or 4 times a month and have been getting a fair amount of buzz considering virtually no pr. Yet, that being said, I would not be able to play as much anyway for the next two years because I need to start taking a heavier course load to graduate on time. So I think I have explained my reasons for going to n.y.u. being able to stay in the city, being able to continue my band which is an important part of my identity, and having the ability to grab the opportunities the city has to offer.
Now bard. I recently visited bard and I have to say I have never be more engaged by my professors and the classes (they let me sit in). The people their ,at least the boys that I met, seem very much of my elk. The people i met reminded me a lot of the people I have met through playing shows in brooklyn …but smarter. The only thing that really irks me about the kids is that they all seem to move to brooklyn right after college, and I am already here. So in a way, it all feels a bit cyclical, but their is no doubt in my mind that if i attended I would come out with my brain swelling and a body of work that I could send to graduate schools ( I dream of attending ithe iowa writers workshop). Its also important to note that I have never felt connected to the majority of people I have encountered doing music. I find I connect a lot more to writers and they have always felt like more of “my people”. The only thing with bard is that I would have to put my new band on the back burner and at best drive up on weekends to do shows. Again, Arguably I would have to put the new band on the back burner anyway because I would be taking more classes. Another pro to bard is that I would get an actual college experience. There is no doubt in my mind that I would academically flourish at bard and build lifelong meaningful relationships with both students and professors (something I know with certainty would not happen at nyu) My only worry is that I would become stir crazy and regret stopping band stuff more than Id have to had I stayed in new york city. Additionally, In a lot of ways I have never felt as empowered as I have this year, and I am scared if I leave the city that will all go away. I am also scared if I don’t leave and take this risk I will spend two more years being around people I do not connect with only to find that the band still has not taken off, and that i have a double degree in something that I am not really passionate about. Finally, my last and perhaps greatest fear is that I will loose my passion for writing like Ive lost my passion for music. I am worried that If i take it too seriously it will ruin it for me entirely. I know this is my choice, and I know that asking a lot of people probably wont make the decision any easier. But I figured vomiting out stream of consciousness would help silence my stirring thoughts. I am also interested in an outsiders perspective because everyone I can ask (parents) as some what biased. Okay, I think that about covers it.