<p>Some synagogues have a gift shop where a bar or bat mitzvah can “register”. A nice, but not always inexpensive solution. </p>
<p>If the bat mitzvah girl has pierced ears, there you go. A girl can never have too many earrings, especially if you buy something that looks a little more classic. </p>
<p>D1 enjoyed giving her friends “presents” from the Heifer Project. Nothing quite says Mazel Tov on your bar/bat mitzvah like some virtual rabbits. </p>
<p>Could we please have a ban on those cheesy coffee table books about Jewish history? Please?</p>
<p>Oh, wait, I WILL give a serious and decent suggestion: Jewish-themed movies on DVD. The Chosen. Fiddler on the Roof. The Frisco Kid. Ushpizin. Exodus. The Diary of Ann Frank. Just for starters.</p>
<p>Keymom may find it curious that a synagogue has a gift shop! That’s always something that is unusual to non-Jews, IMO.</p>
<p>Another thing that can be done is to plant a tree in Israel in honor of the bar/bat mitzvah child. That’s easy to do online and then a nice certificate is sent. I bet that’s a modest cost.</p>
<p>LOL! I guess that’s true! Those gift shops were put in after the fact, though.
That feels different to me than a gift shop in just an average everyday synagogue that isn’t a tourist attraction!</p>
<p>thanks so much for all of your helpful suggestions! My daughter doesn’t know the Bat Mitzvah girl super well so this puts it in perspective, gift wise…thanks again!</p>
<p>It’s customary to give money for b’nai mitzvah and for Jewish weddings, but usually from the “older generation” to the younger. “Gelt” (gold or money in Yiddish) has been traditional for many years. I believe that it has something to do with the “pogrom mentality” with which many Jewish communities in Eastern Europe lived - keep only what you can move easily and what you can use to bribe others for your safety.</p>
<p>Friends can give friends money as well; no one will raise an eyebrow over it. But usually friends give some sort of gift. Jewelry, CDs, whatever. It’s a nice birthday gift. If you can’t afford that, don’t sweat it - a normal birthday gift will do.</p>
<p>My Ds each received several gift cards for multiples of $18 - I was particularly touched by the non-Jewish families, many of them attending their first bat mitzvah, who took the time to learn of the significance of 18.</p>
<p>Around here, checks are more common and fewer kids give actual gifts (my kids only got a very small percentage of these). I do try to keep in mind what would be most meaningful to that person, and not the way I might feel about it, personally . For example, if I know a friend of mine always gives gifts because she feels they are more personal, I will buy a gift. If, on the other hand, I know that most people are giving checks, I would do that, since it may be a sign that the bar or bat mitzvah intends to donate a percentage of their gifts to charity, set aside for college etc. </p>
<p>To talk numbers, as others said, the “going rate” around here for many years has been in the 36 - 50/54 range for a friend -even more for a very close friend if the family is in the position to be that generous, less if they are not. Most parents teach their children to appreciate each and every gift. Gift giving, customary though it may be, is not an obligation on the part of an invited guest. Being grateful for whatever is given , should be!</p>
<p>Let us not forget the fountain pen…Oh wait, that is from my parents’ generation. Out here the gift is money, usually multiples of $18 as well, with $36 the minimum.</p>
<p>Why is it unusual that a synagogue should have a gift shop? The Vatican has one as well.</p>
<p>Synagogue gift shops are extremely helpful especially in areas that do not have a high population of Jews or any Judaica shops. (Prior to internet shopping there were few ways to buy Judaica.)</p>
<p>Synagogue’s are self-supporting so they need many ways to gain revenue. </p>
<p>The reason most of us (in my area) make a gift of at lest $54 or $72 (close friend of child) is that a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a special birthday. The child has studied in Hebrew school for at least 5 years (2-3 times a week) and had 6 months of lessons. Invitations alone can cost $10 each (ours did), favors, another $10, and that’s before everything else. No you do not have to pay for the cost of the dinner, but I think $18 is low when a child’s gift is usually $20 for no special occasion at all.</p>
<p>It occured to me that non-Jews might not realize that most synagogue gift shops will be closed on Saturday (Shabbat). If someone was thinking “great, I’ll pick up a present right before the ceremony”, you won’t be able to do that. Now I’m wondering, is the Vatican gift shop open on, say, Easter? </p>
<p>crazed, I know how expensive it all is, especially since we have a bat mitzvah coming up pretty soon (and if people don’t start mailing in those response cards, the Toves are going to take their vorple swords in hand ). But especially in the current economy, I’d hate to put an invited guest in the position of feeling that they have to come up to some mark because of the importance of a b’nai mitzvah.</p>
<p>A Bar or Bat Mitzvah is the culmination of many, many hours of hard work. These days when most families live in a more religiously integrated community there are non-Jews invited who may not realize the effort that every child (even the class clown) puts into standing in front of a congregation and not just read but chant a specific tune in a foreign language. It becomes a very important day to all who know the process. For my younger daughter it was the proudest day of her life and of all who knew her and how hard it was for her and saw how beautifully she did. It is not a big party to celebrate a birthday, it is so much more than that.</p>
<p>Sorry for getting somewhat off topic. If just a daughter is invited we gave a gift, if family was invited we gave money and a small token gift.</p>
<p>MAZEL TOV to you and your family. It is such a wonderful (and stressful time). Enjoy every moment!!</p>
<p>You are absolutely correct. Guests should give what they can or want. I do believe that there are many people out there that think this is just a birthday party and do not understand the significance of the day.</p>
<p>Gifts in denominations of $18 are always appreciated (for my Bat Mitzvah, I got tons of checks and cash- it was great). As a girl, jewelry was something I really enjoyed getting (I got a necklace and bracelet from Tiffany, both of which I wear to this day- over 4 years later- but also some other really nice jewelry- I think I got a watch and a few other bracelets and necklaces). One thing I appreciated was a giftcard to the Apple store for $250- exactly how much an iPod mini (what was “cool” at the time) cost- obviously, that’s more than most people would give to a friend. But perhaps you could get together with some other friends attending the bat mitzvah, and chip in for something nice- depending on how many, perhaps iPod, Tiffany bracelet, etc.</p>
<p>If you’re going to a bat mitzvah and it’s a big party, I would definitely give $50 or more (or multiple of $18 of your choice). These things are very expensive, and they do represent a lot of work. As someone earlier said, it’s easy to spend $20 or more on a five-year-old’s birthday party, so to my mind, I would give more on this kind of special occasion. Plus, a lot of the time a big percentage of bar/bat mitzvah money is banked for college. I usually give $75 to $100 for that reason–it represents my hope and investment in the child, who has just invested in her own religious and intellectual life by undertaking this large project.</p>
<p>My daughter received $18 from friends unable to attend. I agree that 18 would be considered very low for someone attending. But a heartfelt gift is always appreciated. If you are not Jewish, you may not understand the huge undertaking this is…not just a birthday…</p>
<p>$18 from friends unable to attend seems fine. Yes, it really is a big deal. For those Christian friends attending a bat mitzvah, they should also realize that they will need to show some self-discipline–services are very long compared to church, sometimes three hours or more. It can be helpful to email non-Jewish friends and tell them what will be going on in different parts of the service so that they have a sense of what the order of it is and what that means.</p>
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). But especially in the current economy, I’d hate to put an invited guest in the position of feeling that they have to come up to some mark because of the importance of a b’nai mitzvah.</p>