Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother - new book about Chinese parenting

<p>oldfort, perhaps we have different frames of reference. I think that democracy might be weakened by an influx of people who are unconcerned about Western democracy.</p>

<p>I share your concern about economic inequality. The “Western” value system as I understand it is devoted to equality of individuals, and as much as people can poke fun at “No Child Left Behind,” the idea behind it is one that a lot of us subscribe to–which is why Ted Kennedy supported it. Chua-style parenting seems unconcerned about other people, from my vantage point. Perhaps I am unaware of her family’s service or charitable efforts, because I have not read the book.</p>

<p>The one-child policy would seem to many Americans to be an unconscionable violation of people’s freedom–even among those who may have chosen to have a single child, or to remain childless.</p>

<p>Interesting this discussion is still going on. I am not going to touch the subject of freedom per se but rather with control. There actually is something underlying both Chua’s approach and that of the Chinese government, and that is about control. The Chinese government fears disorder, they fear the kind of change that in their eyes will throw off social harmony (and not to mention challenge their power), so they do everything they can to keep a lid on it, which includes the lengths they go to censor things (want an example of the ridiculous lengths they go to? a music store’s website that we use is banned in China [instrument store], it is a local store that serves a local audience. So why are they banned? Well, knowing that Asian kids are big into music, they advertised in several Chinese newspapers here, and apparently one of the papers is very critical of the Chinese government. So because they had an ad in the paper, their website is blocked…). Likewise China blocks YouTube and the like because in their eyes all that diversity that is there will “throw society into Chaos”. </p>

<p>Chua in effect does the same thing on a micro scale, fearing where the kids choices would take them she shapes the path almost entirely, she controls everything along the way, towards that goal of what she sees as ‘doing something useful’. She is afraid her kids won’t be strong enough to resist temptation, so she forbids anything in her view will cause temptation (reminds me a lot of fundamentalist Christians who fear that science and associating with non believers will challenge their faith, so they isolate themselves). It is a very controlled path that also takes out of it the nebulous things of life, it is a very measured, ordered path, very much like for example in China the system of exams and such that define someone’s life, there is little ambiguity, which is comfort for those who fear such things. When she says stupid things like “playing the drums leads to drug use”, it shows a paranoid world view that refuses to recognize that the slacker monster isn’t around every corner…</p>

<p>And the problems using my analogies are the same. Things like innovation and creativity are messy, they are not ordered processes, they tend to be very messy in how they occur and also in what they end up doing. Someone in another post made the point that science and engineering are creative occupations, and the answer to that is it depends. In both science and engineering there are routine jobs in those fields, where people basically are doing routine things, and someone can get degrees in those fields, and end up doing basically stuff that doesn’t create much that is new, rather it is applying what is out there. There are people teaching college Chemistry who have the PHd, who otherwise haven’t done a great deal, there are engineers doing routine design work or incremental changes to existing design that don’t take a lot of innovation or creativity to do. </p>

<p>When you control things, as China’s government does, when you control information, when you set up controlled everything, it is next to impossible to create because the very constraints that create order kill innovation, because the process of innovation and creativity is all about challenging what is out there, it is questioning everything, which is scary to control freaks.</p>

<p>likewise, when you define things as Chua did into those things that are ‘worthwhile’ and those that are a ‘waste’, you are throwing out a lot more good then preventing bad a lot of the time. According to Chua’s view of the world, Albert Einstein would have been a waste of a person, because he didn’t do well in school, he had a hard time getting his degree and once out, was considered a science outsider (he was working <em>gasp</em> as a patent clerk, and spent most of his time <em>oh my god</em> daydreaming)…in the guise of what she would see as success, he was a total failure…of course, the reality is he didn’t do well in school because he was challenging people as rigid and conformist as she herself is (in view) and because he was willing to think what were considered “wasted thoughts”, because he didn’t go along with the crowd in physics, learn Maxwell and Newton and assume that was the pinnacle of physics, he along with others unleashed a firestorm that upended a lot, because he didn’t buy what was considered “useful” he became a ‘genius’.</p>

<p>Another great example is Richard Feynman, who left behind a legacy that scientists are still gaining insight from , 20+ years after his death, his mind ranged across physics and into things like nanotechnology and parallel computing. If you read his bio, he absolutely hated rote learning, he said it killed the mind and was comfort for those too scared to really think, and spent his time ripping the kind of learning where stuff was done ‘because it was valuable’. He didn’t grow up with Tiger mom, rather he had parents, especially his dad, who taught him to question things as the way to learn and encouraged him to go wherever that took him, and yet he had by any account a brilliant life. What Chua and people like her forget is that true brilliance and success usually comes to those who march to the beat of a different drummer, not those in lockstep. </p>

<p>So much of what people like Feynman and Einstein and so many others did came from eschewing doing ‘what was valuable’, eschewing the idea that learning was accepting facts and spitting it back, and more importantly, they will willing to do things that ‘aren’t useful’, and it is those things where creativity and innovation come from. You can have a 4.0 average and get 2400 on an SAT and go to Harvard, and that is all fine and dandy, but how someone gets there is important too, and that is what Chua and others are missing, and it is something the Chinese government is going to need to figure out,that when you constrain learning and growing, you also kill innovation and creativity, because those so constrained are conditioned to be afraid of going there. </p>

<p>There was an article not too long ago in the NY Times where they talked about the so called “Sea Turtles”, Chinese students who went to US grad programs and then went back home after getting their degrees, and having massive culture shock when they realized how constricted it was back home, how frustrating the bureacratic interference and the hierarchical controls were and how hard it was to try new things. From what I am led to believe, in China parents are pushing for major changes to the education system to make it more like what goes on in the US, because the method Chua uses, which is pretty close to what goes on in China, isn’t creating the kind of culture where innovation and creativity flourish and they know that is the future.</p>

<p>I was talking to someone about Chua and her book, and the person asked me if I thought she was totally wrong, and I said no, that the idea of high expectations and self discipline and such towards the goal of succeeding are good ones IMO, as is supporting the child the way she did (and many other parents do; in the music world, there is no such thing as a kid heading into music who succeeds without a ton of support and encouragement). </p>

<p>Where she is wrong in my opinion is in the single minded obsession with success that is based entirely on a very limited model, where success is achieved through this path of doing only certain, ‘important’ things that pay off (like playing certain musical instruments, reading ‘great books’, whatever) and in assuming that success is found only in one thing they way she apparently does, rather then instilling in her kids the self discipline and high expectations and letting them find at least part of that path. Obviously, doing well in school is important, but so is finding other things that put together create a successful adult, and in that I think she fails. </p>

<p>I see a ton of music students who have been driven like Chua and in watching them play,as compared to the kids who drove themselves, there is no comparison, the Chuistic taught kids are fantastic technicians, but the self driven kids are musicians.I say there is no comparison, because the kids that were driven like Chua drove her own kids were not allowed to explore music in all its facets, they were driven to compete in competitions, they were driven to play the hardest pieces as early as possible, get into high level pre college programs, all driven around basically being forced from an early age to achieve technical mastery by heavy duty practice and focus, but in most cases with practically no chance to explore the music itself or the feeling behind it, because that in general doesn’t win competitions or otherwise make someone “#1”. It is likewise in academic endeavors, you may read ‘great books’ to score high on an AP lit test or whatever, but did reading the book actually make an impression, make the kid think, or was it something to be ground through to get a good score on a test?</p>

<p>Quantmech-</p>

<p>I don’t think you have to worry about that, one thing you have to keep in mind is that people immigrate for a reason, and one of the reasons many people come to the US is because they are trying to escape the constraints of home. I doubt many immigrants come here and want a dictatorship, we have absorbed people from all kinds of places where Democracy didn’t exist, and they would be the last people to want to see it weakened. The other thing to keep in mind is if even the parents have less interest in freedom somehow, that the kids who are born and raised here know what it is, they see it around them, and generally aren’t much different in attitudes then anyone else.</p>

<p>Funny story, friend of mine is my age, his parent immigrated from Taiwan just before he was born, and he can remember their comments as a young kid when things were raging here in the late 60’s and early 70’s, the protests, sitdowns, etc, and can remember his parents were supporting the cops, saying they should break some heads, etc…meanwhile if he had been old enough, he would have been out there protesting. </p>

<p>What concerns me more is the kind of idiots we have in this country, who will look at Chuas methods and assume this is what everyone should do, that scares me. In a sense, we already are, where schools, to show how efficient they are, dump a ton of homework on kids as proof of giving a ‘good’ education and of course the obsession with standardized tests <em>grrr</em>…in other words, taking on the rote learning model where everything is geared around the kind of success Chua heads towards, grades and grades on standardized tests, high workloads and an obsession with ‘success’ rather then on building the tools that lead to success of all kinds, that scares me. People love magic bullets, and ironically, while Chinese educators are looking to change their system to be more like the west, we have moronic politicians and pundits claiming we should make our system “just like them”.</p>

<p>Right, I welcome anyone to the US who is drawn by democracy, and I agree that people who are here as children have much greater opportunity to gain exposure to democracy and understanding of it. </p>

<p>I’d like to have all of our technocrats deeply committed to freedom and to the Bill of Rights, though.</p>

<p>(As a side comment, the annual standardized testing aspect of “No Child Left Behind” has not improved education, as far as I can tell. The ideal behind NCLB was good, in my opinion.)</p>

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<p>But the girls did feel the music. That was apparent in the feedback they got from professionals and some of the passages describing their playing. Sophia wrote a beautiful essay (reprinted in the book) about the emotions she felt playing the piece from Romeo and Juliet. These kids were not robots.</p>

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<p>But that was the ultimate message of the book–the lesson learned, if you wish. She was disappointed when Lulu stopped dedicating so much time to the violin and took up tennis, in part because she thought her daughter would never be really great at the sport. But it is clear that it was the discipline and work ethic that were instilled in Lulu which led her to begin to really excel at tennis in a short period. I will say Chua was obsessed with excellence, and abhorred mediocrity (something that she admits to in a self-mocking way) and I think she felt that the only way to achieve excellence was to really focus mostly on one thing.</p>

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<p>Not to imply this was the case with your friends, but Chua does make the point that Chinese parenting is very closeted. Both the toughness and the praise. She said that people who knew the girls, and thought them a delight, or marveled at their playing, had no idea of the fighting and drama within the family. Chua said she was considered supportive and nurturing by her students, fully recognizing a split personality in that way.</p>

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<p>I’ve only been on this thread for the last 300 or so posts, so I don’t know about before that. But the posters I’ve seen who have actually said they read the book, (RedDinosaur, DandeMom, Legendofmax) make clear that it is a memoir, not a “How To” book, and she was not telling people that her way was better. I don’t know what Pizzagirl thinks about that. If there are posters who’ve read it that want to argue her book is an advice book, I’d like to hear from them.</p>

<p>That is why I affirm that the author of the article did not read the book. I find it hard to believe a journalist who read it would use the word “recommend” to describe what Chua was doing. I believe its part of the distortion that has come with all the hype.</p>

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My impression is that she feels Chua still basically supports this method, whether it technically is an “advice book” or not. I suppose she can speak for herself -well, I know she can speak for herself :slight_smile: . But to me that is such an insignificant distinction. Maybe people should come out and preface every single criticism with - “I didn’t like this thing she did, but she 's not advising this for everyone.”</p>

<p>But frankly, it’s a little weird that I post what I consider to be sort of a humorous example of pop-culture run amok - about how “Tiger Mom” has pervaded into the current media lexicon - and you comb through it for this throw-away sentence by the author.</p>

<p>“She was disappointed when Lulu stopped dedicating so much time to the violin and took up tennis, in part because she thought her daughter would never be really great at the sport. But it is clear that it was the discipline and work ethic that were instilled in Lulu which led her to begin to really excel at tennis in a short period.”</p>

<p>But STILL, why does Lulu need to “excel” in tennis in the first place? Why can’t she just play it for fun and exercise, and it doesn’t MATTER if she’s the best player on the team?
Why can’t things be done for the intrinsic joy and not for collecting “I’m the best” brownie points?</p>

<p>Musicprnt is spot on. It’s fundamentally a rote, uncreative, conscribed within the box approach. Look at all the kids on cc who are pressured into going to Ivies and whose parents, well intentioned and good people to be sure, who are grown adults and yet incapable of wrapping their heads around the fact that you can be wildly successful in America even if you go to a state school or get Bs or don’t major in STEM. What kind of system produces adults who can’t comprehend that success is not handed to you by dutifully checking off boxes but by what YOU do with your opportunities? An uncreative one.</p>

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<p>Okay, so the book is not an “advice” book, but it includes “lessons learned.” So maybe it’s intended to be a teaching book?</p>

<p>I promised myself I wouldn’t waste my money on this, but maybe I can get a copy for my upcoming birthday instead of some lousy handmade card. :)</p>

<p>I have said numerous times that she has a weak, very weak epiphany at the end.</p>

<p>It’s not a how-to book, but it is clear after all is said and done she prefers the Chinese way with a little bit of American temperance built in. Which is her prerogative of course. She doesn’t really explore in her own mind what benefits the western way might lead to – she’s more concerned with decrying the touchy feely self esteem (which is where she makes comments like the fatty one – as an example, not as a personal anecdote).</p>

<p>Wildwood11, when you say “That is why I affirm that the author of the article did not read the book,” to which article are you referring?</p>

<p>With regard to the Chinese-American families I know, I am just drawing inferences from my daughter’s reports of sleepovers (gasp) and multi-hour group projects (the latter often at the home of one of the families), as well as talking with the parents at various school functions over a period of about 7 years. It’s true that one can’t be certain. On the other hand, the young people knew each other pretty well, and they were pretty open in talking about things.</p>

<p>A big assumption in Chua’s book is that we (westerners) look at young ladies like her daughters and want very much for our own children to achieve just like that. Now, I am sure her daughter are fine young ladies in every way. But here’s the thing. I’m not at all interested in turning out carbon copies of her daughters. I’m not “jealous” of their perfection in schoolwork – more power to them, but that’s not the goal for everything as she seems t o think it is. I’m quite happy with my “imperfect” kids, and being the best in the class isn’t anywhere near as important as learning from the class. Lots of paths to success, and how boring and uncreative and unsophisticated to assume that piano, violin, and being number one in the class are the only ways to get there.</p>

<p>It is starting to sound like Chua’s parenting style may be the product of an obessive-compulsive disorder rather than a cultural theme.</p>

<p>For people who read the book, did Chua ever say that anyone (Asians or Westerners) should look at young ladies like her daughters? Did she say that her daughters were “better” than other people’s daughters? Even if people wanted to raise daughters to be just like her daughters, did she say her way was the only way to achieve the end result?</p>

<p>I personally think every well educated person should have some art or music training, and that I think is a very enlightened thinking. Just because someone’s method maybe different, it doesn’t make them unsophiscated because it would mean your method(thinking) is THE sophisticated one.</p>

<p>The opening line is something to that effect, yes. That we as western parents are all totally jealous of how Asian parents produce academic successes and want to know their secret. I can’t open the book on my iPad and post on cc simultaneously though :-).</p>

<p>I agree music and art training are great!</p>

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<p>It was an article that Bovertine linked to earlier about Mark Zucherberg’s father. His reflections on parenting were interesting. It had nothing really to do with Chua but he was asked what he thought about what Chua “recommended” in her book.</p>

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<p>You know, I really didn’t feel like she was assuming that all parents want the same thing for their kids. She talked about her mother in law’s beliefs and how her husband turned out fine (although she did say he probably never would have stuck with an instrument). She set her own goals and priorities for children, just as we all do as parents. What she did say was that people would ask her all the time how the girls had become so accomplished as they marveled at their talent–and she knew they had no idea of the tough back story. So here it was…she was being completely honest on what it took for them to reach that level. She could have just remained private and let people think that it was all natural talent and drive, and easygoing parenting. But she laid it all out for the world to see. I admire her in that respect.</p>

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<p>No to all those question, IMO.</p>

<p>Here is a NYT article written about the book by Chua herself, in which she says:</p>

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<p><a href=“http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/19/books/excerpt-battle-hymn-of-the-tiger-mother.html[/url]”>http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/19/books/excerpt-battle-hymn-of-the-tiger-mother.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>So it certainly sounds as though her original premise was that Chinese parenting > Western parenting. Her results were impaired by Western culture clash and a defiant 13-year-old, but not because Chinese parenting wasn’t better.</p>

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<p>Art/musical appreciation, yes. </p>

<p>Learning how to “do” art/music such as painting or playing an instrument? IMHO, only if the child exhibits some genuine interest on his/her own initiative…especially one not the product of prodding social climbing parents like ones I’ve observed among high school classmates and older more well-off suburban-based cousins. </p>

<p>Moreover, the choice of musical instrument should never be limited solely to ones associated with classical music such as piano or violin. Why not drums, upright/electric bass, electric guitars, the guqin, pipa, or any other instruments outside the pantheon of Western classical music?</p>

<p>Now to dime my amp and see what music/noise I can crank out with my V shaped electric guitar. :D</p>

<p>She opens the book with:</p>

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<p>Then she goes on to say what her kids had to sacrifice. To me, the message is that it is not easy, and it is certainly not for everyone, but here is how it usually happens.</p>

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<p>Bay, I see that as part of her ironic, self-deprecating style…she was so confident in what she was doing, but got her comeuppance in the end. She obviously knew how the story ended when she decided to write the book…after the final blow out with Lulu. So I think with the first part she’s referring to her own naivet</p>

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<p>I guess the part where it’s not a “how-to” book must come later.</p>

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<p>Too bad she couldn’t meld the cultures in a positive way.</p>