Thank you for the kind words. It was very shocking.
I’m not sure if the future MIL is a nice person, she is very outgoing and dramatic. I’ve only met her twice and haven’t had any problems. The whole family seems to have different perceptions than we do, so respectful communication is key.
The future SIL, who is on the spectrum, told my D but not maliciously. She heard the conversation and took it to mean that there will only be mashed potatoes to eat for the entire day. She does not like mashed potatoes but was fine to hear that the menu has not been selected. My D showed her the options and took some opinions from her. I’m very proud of the bride that my daughter is being. Of course, she drives me crazy "is this pink better than THAT pink, or possibly royal blue . . " but she has been inclusive, kind, respectful and grateful to the future in-laws.
“I don’t know how it is in other countries, but in U.S. it’s typically the bride’s family who pays (more?) for the wedding. What goes around comes around though since women typically tend to file for most divorces and also get money back through alimony.”
I was 21 yo when I got married and my parents paid for everything. I’m not sure why “what goes around comes around,” though, because it’s not as though if I had gotten divorced and gotten money back through alimony, I would have paid them back or anything. Makes no sense to me. If one decides to spend money on a child’s wedding, that’s called a gift.
They are making out like bandits, I gather. That must be why, in the wake of divorce, the income and standard of living of the woman–and the children–typically plummets. Bandits aren’t well paid. B-)
It’s not even necessarily a gift. Some people throw detail-laden weddings for their kids because they want a creative project and weddings present an opportunity for that.
Ten years ago, before the economy crashed, I planned and funded a wedding for my sister that was an obsessive feast of exquisite, tasteful details. I did because I was depressed and unhappy and I thought a creative project would cheer me up. My sister couldn’t have cared less; she basically stayed out of my way and was happy to show up. She was grateful that I had taken over the wedding because she wasn’t really interested in it, so was it really a “gift” to provide expensive details she didn’t care about? No. It was more that she let me do my thing without interfering in my vision of this fantastic party.
She was in the middle of renovating a house, and if “gifts” of huge amounts of cash were being passed out, I’m sure she would have preferred money toward her house. But I was in the mood to plan a beautiful party; I wasn’t passing out gifts.
In retrospect this all seems insane, but it is the truth! I think it is hard to judge why people do the things they do from the outside.
That’s like asking “How much is a wedding reception?” Depends on the scale and scope. Could be a few hundred bucks to help with something, could be thousands of dollars.
Us too, TempeMom. We had our reception at a banquet hall, $50-$70 a plate for reference (not a cheapo place but not a fancy $100+ per plate place either), and all of the day of coordination was handled by the hall. They assigned us a coordinator to run our rehearsal who was also there to run the ceremony, and she was actually kind of a headache because my minister had already done her job and then I had to tell the minister to ignore everything she told him because she wasn’t listening to me. But that was not a big deal. The venue had staff making sure all my vendors coming in in the morning didn’t run into issues. Then we had an entire team of “banquet captains” who handled most of the reception. These women were saints and were so helpful to me. Then the DJ was responsible for keeping us on schedule in terms of bouquet toss, cake cutting, etc. I told him the schedule was paramount, I didn’t want things to drag, keep us on time, and he did a great job. We didn’t have to do a thing but show up and get married.
If you hire good vendors in the first place, a coordinator may be excessive. If you are doing it more DIY style, it may be a lifesaver so you don’t have to worry about all these nutso day-of details that would otherwise be handled for you.
There are some very small details you wouldn’t think of, like we got our cake from the baker but the cake topper from the florist. Who will put the topper on the cake? The baker? The florist? Will they be there at the same time to make the hand off? Will your baker block your cake linebacker style and refuse to let your florist anywhere near the cake, as mine did? I rented charger plates from the florist because they were half the price of using the venues-- well they needed the chargers before they could set the table and they set the table before they open to the vendors, so I had to make sure the florist would deliver them a day early or else make time to go myself. My vendors handled all of this themselves without an outside coordinator.
I think we’re describing somewhat different things. If you have a reception (of any sort) at a venue and they assign someone from the venue to ensure that all the moving parts at the venue come together at the right time, that’s highly useful – but different from someone who helps you plan the other, non-venue parts … like selecting flowers, or invitations, or gift bags, or coordinating the delivery of your dress, or whatever it is that you want that isn’t associated with the venue. The latter is what I think of when I think of a wedding planner - someone who helps plan / oversee the entire event, not just the parts-at-the-venue.
I do agree that good musicians / DJs are paramount!
I wish I’d had someone else to do all the talking with my baker. I just wanted a cake with a ribbon wrapped around the bottom and I had to not only argue with her for months, but research how to put a ribbon on a cake without the ribbon getting grease stained, test it out myself at home with her frosting, and bring it in to the bakery and tell her to stop being a drama queen and finish the damn cake as contracted. It doesn’t seem to me that a planner is really necessary for the average person, especially with how many services venues provide built into your package these days and how efficient the good vendors are at getting everything done on their own, but it certainly has its benefits.
My nephew got married in the morning. There was a small lunch at a local restaurant for the wedding party and close family. In the evening they hired a local band and had heavy hors d’oeuvres and lots of wine and beer. It was a great party and fit their budget. My sil made some of the food, a local sushi place provide two huge boats, tons of nice cheese and crackers, spanikopita and little quiches.
Years ago my brother had a lovely wedding and reception in my aunts very large back yard. They rented a tent and had a caterer.
D’s Day of Wedding Coordinator charged $1000. As I said earlier, we felt she was worth every penny. She assisted before the wedding, and she and an assistant helped at the rehearsal and on the wedding day. She created timelines, triple confirmed with all our vendors, conducted the rehearsal, confirmed that the decor was all set, made sure the caterer (they had their own coordinator) was all set up, coordinated linen and chair delivery, supervised floral set up, placed amenities baskets in restrooms and made sure they were restocked as needed, moved flowers from ceremony to reception, set up place cards and gift table, placed menus on tables, distributed and pinned boutonnieres and corsages, helped the string quartet set up, helped the DJ set up, orchestrated the ceremony line-up, encouraged people to head upstairs for cocktail hour, made sure D and SIL had a few minutes alone right after the wedding, encouraged people to be seated for dinner, helped guests needing the elevator, handed out gratuities, helped load the flowers and gifts into the cars at the end of the evening, ran back to D’s apartment when D forgot something, and repaired a dress for a guest. There were probably other things I don’t even know about. I would have been the person to worry about all of these things. I was able to enjoy every single minute of the beautiful day.
no way. That seems strange…
And now to change the topic, DD’s wedding ceremony plans are moving along, and we just bought tablecloths, etc. Why buy, you might ask? Well, because it was going to cost 15.72 per 120" round tablecloth to rent them, and I paid $6.29 to buy them new. So what am I going to do with 13 round and 9 rectangular tableclothes when the wedding is over???