"The one tip I often share with brides is…call everyone (florist, photographer, caterer, hair stylist, etc,) a month before to verify dates, times, details. Call everyone the week before to review again. "
A friend of our family had this happen to them: Their daughter was planning a bar mitzvah for her son, and had rented out a room at such-and-such restaurant for an afternoon lunch. She drove by there on the week prior to the Sat of the bar mitzvah, and the restaurant had CLOSED without telling her. She lucked out in that she had another friend who was a restaurant owner and had a party room; he had rented it out for the afternoon already, but she was able to work with those people and asked if they would move their party to the evening and the restaurant would honor the lunch prices. Their event was a much smaller, maybe 20-person family event and it was no big deal for them to move it to dinner time. But what a stress!
Also agree, if you are going to be using outside vendors (food, beverage, flowers, table linens, ets etc, definitely hire someone to coordinate it all on the date. You dont have to have the person do all the wedding planning, but having an event coordinator there to handle all the set up/clean up is definitely recommended. That said, that person decided the family hadn’t ordered enough wine/beer (which turned out not to be true) so there was last minute ordering/delivering of wine/beer and then we hauled several beer kegs (lots of leftover there too) back to the store.
I’ve been to 4 weddings recently. They were so fancy and over the top (IMO), huge live bands that were so loud that it was hard to hear, open bars (and drunk guests), complicated multiple courses, that it seemed more like an Oscar party than a wedding. The ceremony almost seemed like an afterthought. The weddings that I remember most fondly focused on the couple’s love and commitment to each other and to their new families. I don’t remember what I ate, the decor, the music, just the loving couple and the ceremony. Good luck and congrats!
Congrats to @abasket and @anxiousmom on the upcoming weddings. I’ve been the MOB twice, most recently last November. Though my ds did most of the planning, I was the sounding board and backup organizer.
The caterers we worked with frequently did weddings and their policies regarding most situations were spelled out on their websites. The caterer for my d1’s wedding had great online reviews in a major metropolitan area, but although the food was good, there were some screw-ups and customer service was a big disappointment. We were part of the dissatisfied 5 percent of their reviewers. (I’d thought those were cranks when I first read the reviews. Then we turned out to be among them.)
The caterers for d2’s wedding were spectacularly wonderful, and I would unhesitatingly recommend them to anyone getting married in central Virginia. They did the flowers and other décor as well as the food, and we just couldn’t believe what they accomplished for a very reasonable price. They did not provide alcohol, so we brought it in. They facilitated us getting a 1-day alcohol permit, and did hire a bartender for us, whose fee went on the catering tab.
We found online guides to how much alcohol to buy for a wedding, added about 20 percent to that (party crowd), and wound up with way too much.
I’m a pretty “sit back and wait” type person and will be happy to help where I’m wanted/needed, also happy to stay out of the way if someone else is handling it! I do know S’s fiances family and they are very nice, friendly and don’t have a lot of cash. Her dad is not really in the picture and as I mentioned, her mom and she and her sisters and a niece are EXTREMELY close - all these women will be able to handle this!!
S and Fiance are so far handling and wanting the responsibility of leading the planning. They at this point plan a church ceremony followed by a venue reception. They want to have the two pretty close together in time - my S has this VERY strong opinion that for the most part, if you can’t make the wedding don’t plan to come to the reception! He thinks it is horrible when people just come for the party and not the ceremony. Obviously he can’t control this but they are hoping to minimize pictures - doing more BEFORE the ceremony - and even keeping pictures at a minimum (do we REALLY need 1000 pictures?!!) and then having a smaller window of time between church and reception. We shall see.
I remember HyperJulie’s thread and how HARD she worked! I think I bookmarked another thread though.
They haven’t mentioned a wedding planner yet - fiance is actually an event planner by degree but is currently working at a bridal store (how convenient, right?) - that will pay off in dress $$ but not all the other things that come along with a wedding!
I expect this wedding to be “somewhat” casual. No tuxes. Suits, I’m thinking. This MOG will NOT be wearing a fancy dress - pretty, but not fancy - it’s not me and unless things get ramped up here, probably not necessary.
Maybe I should have titled this thread, “how to do a nice wedding for $5000 or less” - haha! I do agree that one way to control costs is to control guests. I think they will be looking hard at that.
I’ll be watching this and any other wedding threads closely. One of my kids seems headed in that direction, although not for a couple of years at least. Still, from what I hear, it takes a year to plan a wedding so the planning part may be coming sooner than I think.
My own wedding was planned and executed in less than two months – but it was an ultra-simple family event in someone’s home. And even then there was a near-disaster – the officiant wasn’t booked for the correct date, and we had to find a substitute officiant with less than 24 hours’ notice.
Eloping is really a wonderful concept, but my kid’s significant other has a family that would be upset by not seeing a family member get married. Too bad.
Abasket – Has your son’s fiancee asked for your advice about the wedding? If not, she may not be looking for your advice. It is hard, but given that they’ve told you they intend to plan it themselves, it would probably be good not to offer unsolicited advice. (If they ask for your help in planning, that’s a whole other story.)
So will the bride and groom be paying for most/all of the costs? Is $5k their budget? (plus or minus)
If so, then they may have to think how they can have a nice party rather than a fancy reception.
Does someone have a nice big home or nice big backyard that can host the reception?
Seriously, just like choosing a college, the wedding budget will likely determine what their possible choices or limitations will be.
Avoid the pricey invitations. People don’t care if the invite is just the traditional inexpensive style card with the info on it. All the fancy ones require extra postage and are more expensive.
When my brother got married, his then-fiancee had literally no budget (father deceased, mom had no money). My dad gave me (bossy older sis…lol) a set amount of money to plan/pay for their wedding. It wasn’t as much as he gave for us DD’s (dad was old-school), but it was enough for me to plan their wedding using a careful budget. I found a women’s club that had a historic building for their meetings and they rented it to us for a modest price. We found a florist and cake person who both worked out of their homes. We used a college photography major for the pics and he had a friend who did the video. For the food, we just used a restaurant that catered and served and cleaned up. Simple invites…white card, black font, RSVP cards. The church’s cost was modest.
The only hiccup was the bride (for some odd reason that I still can’t figure out) insisted that the cake only have 3 layers. I knew it wouldn’t be enough and it wasn’t. I still kick myself for not quietly ordering a groom’s cake to have as a back up.
Since this young lady works at a bridal shop, surely she has some connections. People drop off their business cards, etc, at places like that. Maybe she can work out a deal.
You can’t just serve alcohol without some sort of food. Most sites will tell you not to risk tipsy guests driving.
It matters what time the reception is. A morning service can be followed by a light lunch. Afternoon can be finger foods. Late afternoon can be heavy appetizers, then guests make their own dinner plans. Etc. And the longer the reception, the more that’s expected.
The cake and flowers can cost a bundle. My kid is looking at a rustic venue, wild flowers, no open bar, just wine and beer, tables and chairs but a light buffet, not a served dinner. She’s thinking of a couple of fiddlers who can also play some traditional tunes. Right now, the option is for me to make the cake (I can, have the gear and a family favorite recipe for a wedding cake.)
I forgot to add…since for my brother’s wedding, we rented a women’s club’s venue, they didn’t charge us a corkage fee. The guests were greeted with a glass of champagne upon their arrival into the hall, refilled for the toast, and on each table for the meal a bottle of white and a bottle of red wine. Soft drinks and iced tea were also available at a separate table.
Seriously, an inexpensive wedding is not impossible. Frankly, I don’t see why people are now spending $100k on weddings unless money truly is no object in the household.
My son’s GF is an only DD to affluent parents (but not so affluent that money can just be burned), and she wants the whole enchilada (Vietnamese pre-ceremony (which includes flying in their cousin priest from Vietnam), pre-ceremony lunch, church wedding, huge dinner/open bar reception with all the Vietnamese clothing changes for B&G , both sets of parents, and bridal party (clothes get changed SEVERAL TIMES during the day and hairdressers and makeup folks are there the whole day to touch-up after each change)). My nephew had a wedding like this last year, and son’s GF was taking notes. lol
When the time comes, we will pay the “per plate” costs for our side of the guest list, and whatever else the groom’s family is supposed to pay for, but the idea of blowing $100k on a wedding just seems to be too much.
Trust me that I have a very good relationship with my future DIL! I am SO not pushy and a very good listener. So far this is truly seen as a family of two (both sides) event (as was the engagement - S wanted us all there immediately - as in, immediately after cause we are hiding behind the trees!) .
I am someone who when asked, will present options, opinions in a very non-threatening way. I SO advocate that this is THEIR wedding and I have no real needs other than to have my close family there, one friend and ME to be invited!
I talked with them loosely about $$$ we could help them with. We will do this more specifically. S will be a 2nd year teacher so their income is not sky high and her income is ok, but not great. I don’t know specifics about $$ on her side, but suspect that her mom cannot afford alot, her dad is a jerk and her sisters - all older - will probably contribute some. I know that a more firm discussion of $$$ will occur soon.
Her degree is “tourism/event planning” - she has been out of school a year and her current job hasn’t focussed on event planning specifically so her “experience” is just her college internship experiences!
If the bride has several involved female relatives, they may be willing to pitch in on some of the DIY stuff that is fun to do and can save significant $$.
For example, if they settle on a certain kind of simple scheme for flowers, it is perfectly possible to buy nice and/or interesting containers/vases cheaply, and get one kind of flower in bulk and arrange them on the day. My sister did this for one of her D’s weddings: the flowers were all roses of various shades picked out in advance (an internet source that sent samples to pick from), and it cost a fraction of what it would have through a florist! Of course she had me to help–I always end up working on these events --and a good friend also. (This is actually what we did for my wedding, too, and she and I arranged the flowers that AM.)
If they want to do things with ribbon, there are internet sources that carry everything at a tiny fraction of the cost of ribbons in craft store chains–and have a much wider selection, too.
But clearly the most effective way to save $$ is to make the guest list smaller.
I may have missed upthread whether this is an afternoon or evening reception, but if I were to minimize costs of an event, I’d go with afternoon over evening. You can get away with lighter meals / fewer courses. I would also either not serve alcohol, or just serve a red and a white wine and call it a day.
People who are more creative than I can come up with specifics, but you could also do something where the dessert is the centerpiece for each table.
You might consider checking pinterest for budget wedding ideas. I bet there are some really creative ideas there.
I was thinking about the dessert centerpiece thing. A cupcake tower adorned with ribbons and flowers would be pretty.
I made a cupcake tower for a graduation party once. I made the tiers by gluing together several cardboard cake circles, then covering them with an attractive floral florist’s foil. I separated the tiers with little upside-down flower pots. The top tier centerpiece was real pansies planted in one of the small pots. Each cupcake was topped with a big swirl of butter cream and a royal icing pansy. (I also made the cupcakes and pansies, of course. )I added some fairly delicate curvy fake ivy “streamers,” and placed a few more pots of real pansies here and there. Too bad I didn’t take a picture of it!
Okay, I admit that I am into this stuff. It really is too bad that I don’t have any daughters.
But buying the cupcakes from a good bakery and making a tower with enough servings for a table–say 12, to have some extra–would not be difficult for the non-baker who was into it at all. And that would cover the cake costs and the centerpiece costs in one stroke.
FDIL and her sisters are taking care of the bouquets and centerpieces, something they’ve done before so they feel comfortable doing it.
A DJ is certainly more economical than a band, unless you have friends or relatives in a band.
Buffet is more economical than a sit-down dinner.
Since S1 and FDIL have done all the planning and paying for their wedding, I’m not so aware of all their other cost-saving measures. We’ll see how it all turns out in 4 weeks.
Good luck and congrats!