D1 got married last summer and D2’s wedding is this December.
The best thing we did for D1’s wedding was we gave the couple a lump sum of money to do with as they pleased. Elope and keep it towards a house downpayment or have a pretty simple wedding or add their own money to have the wedding they desire. I didn’t know D2 would be getting engaged this year but the precedent had been set as to how much money she and her fiance would receive from us.
Ways D1 saved money on her wedding:
Wedding took place at reception venue. Venue's charge was way less than the cost charged by the churches in her city (including her own church).
Very simple invites-purchased a template on Etsy and had them printed locally. Responses were online (and site was set up so that only invitees could rsvp, ie no add-ons possible without a phone call to bride and groom)
Bride made bouquets (silk and sola wood flowers) and had simple centerpieces comprised of colored glass bottles and vases (thrift shop) filled willed baby's breath and hand-made paper flowers. (While I was not initially in favor of this idea, the final result was beautiful.)
Small cake to cut and hundreds of homemade cakeballs in different flavors/colors displayed on thrift-shop milk glass dishware. (D1's venue allowed this. D2's venue is a restaurant and they do not permit any homemade food items to be brought in.)
Wine/beer only.
Groom is a photographer and was very finicky about who they chose. Common sense prevailed as they decided on their 2nd choice photographer whose work met groom's criteria and whose charge was $4000 less than the first choice.
No favors.
Sunday wedding 20% cheaper for venue cost ( though this was incidental as with only 6 months planning time, they could not find an available Saturday venue.)
They had a photo booth set up for very little cost. Groom arranged camera set-up with remote control handled by guests (they could see photos on monitor). I made background support out of pvc pipe and mounted a navy king-size sheet on it. We collected dozens of props -hats, sunglasses, a chalkboard, boas, an empty picture frame, coconut bra, etc. They did not print photos there but instead printed photos to include with thank you notes which also had a link to the full set of photo booth pics. This photo booth was a huge hit and needed no supervision except when the MOB and her sibs got a bit rambunctious in front of the camera (alas we missed the cake-cutting because we busy at the photo booth)
D2 is trying to plan her wedding now. She is very practical and every time she makes a decision to not do something that she considers frivolous, her future MIL acts like her life is ruined and what will people think if there are no chair covers!!! Really, chair covers are a necessity? Wine/beer is not good enough, only a full bar is appropriate. Cost is not the reason D2 wants wine/beer only but it’s hard to tell the people who get out of hand on hard liquor that they are the reason she doesn’t want full bar service. D2 is doing all her own centerpieces and bouquets ( her bouquets are broach bouquets and while they are still expensive to make, they will be a fifth of the cost on Etsy). No real flowers is something else that’s not going over well with future MiL. I really liked giving D1 and her husband a lump sum and let them make their own decisions. It’s their wedding. D2’s future in-laws are very willing to contribute money but want to dictate how it’s spent.
We had so much fun a D1’s wedding and are looking forward to D2’s. Best wishes as your happy couple plans their big day!
I too went to a wedding with a decorated cake as the centerpiece at each table. That, and then family style food service. When it was time each table designated someone to be the cake cutter for that table. I thought it was a great idea! And personally, I didn’t mind the family style either. In a way nicer than buffet (older people don’t have to walk and carry dishes) and we had plenty of food.
I agree on the invites - get a template from Etsy and tailor it.
Agree on simple centerpieces and simple bridal bouquets. I think she might like real flowers - her favorites are peonies (depending on the month they end up with ) or hydrageas which are very common here. Big flowers, big impact!
No favors. I FULLY support this! I think S mentioned that they were not so interested in this perk for guests.
It’s pretty important to both of them that they marry in a church. Can’t argue with that.
Photographer costs FLOOR me. Seriously? $4000 less than what?!! My brother took my wedding photos - he was into picture taking at the time and 33 years later I don’t look at them and think anything less of them! S has already had a couple of ideas of limiting the photography budget.
Oh I agree totally about the photography costs. D1 and hubby ended up with the photographer who charged $1500. They decided against a vidoegrapher so that wasn’t included. After the post-wedding euphoria wears off, pictures are just set aside. I think the only time I’ve looked at ours over the years is when our kids asked to look at them. We have a popular photographer in our town who used to be a computer teacher in the elementary school. He started his own photography business and after a few years he left teaching to do photography full-time. He charges right around $7000 for a wedding. Includes engagement pics, video, pics at rehearsal, and entire day of wedding. I just don’t know why people would spend that much. His work is good but is it worth $7000? To each their own, but I would never get $7000 of enjoyment out of them. ( And to prepare you for when (if) the happy couple decides to get pregnant: my nephew and significant other just had a baby-the photographer they hired to record the happy event charges $3000!!!)
I’ve been very happy with the food at the last two weddings I attended. They broke out of the catering hall, multi-course, way too much food trend. One did a Mexican buffet, the other a low-country boil. Just beer and wine which I think it absolutely fine. There was some flask usage going on for those who want more. I like the more casual style wedding receptions, but I do miss some of the traditions like toasts. I like those communal moments where everyone is in the same moment, and that can be lost when the special dances, cake-cutting, or bouquet tossing are done away with. So maybe couples can come up with modern day communal moments that work with their style?
I wish someone would invent an invisible cone of silence for those who can’t take the loud music. I felt bad for some of the older relatives at the last wedding I went to. Small venue, very loud speakers, absolutely impossible to carry on a conversation once the dancing got started.
We want a band…good music will be important when the time comes. But here is my tact. I will pay the band half up front…and the other half will only be paid if they keep their volume from rising through the roof. And I’ll put it in the contract.
The very best wedding I’ve been to that was modestly priced was a brunch…and I mean fabulous. The wedding was at 11 am. Appetizers were breakfasts sorts of things. Mimosas and Bloody Mary’s were served to the guests gratis. There was a cash bar if folks wanted more exotic drinks at noon. White or red wine was served with dinner, and there was a champagne toast. The food was an amazing breakfast buffet…complete with an omelette guy at one end, and a crepes guy at the other. And yes…there was dancing and the like.
The bride and groom really wanted this particular venue, but could not afford a luncheon or dinner reception with open bar. We thought this brunch was fabulous.
I agree that a daytime wedding saves money. We got married at 10am, but had a lunch reception. We also had dancing.
The idea of a brunch reception put forth by @thumper1 sounds like a great way to save as well.
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Good lord. That gave me pause. I am so not paying for a fancy wedding! (Unless I win a powerball. Then the sky’s the limit…)
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It gave me pause as well. Yikes!
I wonder how some of these parents feel after spending $50k-100k+ for a wedding only to see the marriage last a short time?
I know someone who borrowed much of the $75k for his DD’s wedding, and she filed for divorce 8 months later. Those must be some painful checks to write each month.
My sister used sheaves of stock wrapped in trailing ribbons for the wedding party bouquets at two of her D’s weddings. IIRC, white for the bride, one pastel color for the MOH, another pastel for the bridesmaids. They really looked beautiful. Sheaves of a single flower look wonderful, and can be less expensive than elaborate mixed bouquets.
My sister has four daughters, three of whom are married. She is definitely a wedding expert at this point.
I think that everyone needs to decide what is a deal-breaker. For me, fresh flowers, good food, and good music. We had 45 guests and a band of 5. I made the food myself, with help from my sister.
My memorial service is probably going to be my only major life event where I don’t end up cooking the food. I didn’t have a wedding shower, but I made a cake for my baby shower: four layers of chocolate butter cake with raspberry buttercream filling and icing.
Although I have remarked that I don’t dare die without a freezer full of hors d’oeuvres. B-)
One of the things that helps is to think about which few individual elements of the “dream” really, really matter most to the couple (I mean the pieces.) Then, you can focus on those one or two or so, maybe spend more elaborately on that, make that happiness, and shear on some of the other things that the couple realizes don’t matter as much.
Eg, I really wanted expensive invitations and calligraphy and a somewhat elegant venue. Yup. I didn’t care as much to have the church or reception (we chose a historical home) loaded with fancy floral arrangements, so we were quite simple with those. I didn’t care as much for a fancy dinner as I did about those invites. Nor the dress. I did care about the color scheme. When I look back, in fact, the things that make me happy now are…those invitations, the calligraphy, the colors, the house. DH wanted nice music, no DJ or band. We got some college music students to play. Everyone thought it was super and no one (back then) realized how tight the budget was. We went with an alcoholic punch my mother had always wanted me to use, plus some wine and champagne. She was happy. It can be the touches that make the day and the memories, not the “everything.”
I definitely think talking about the $$$$ up front is a good idea. DS’s GF is already talking about them getting married after college. (they aren’t engaged) when DS told me I said well that’s nice but we have 2 other kids colleges to pay for so we are not going to be able to help pay for a wedding… while we may end up paying for something at least he knows now not to expect much.
Abasket- congrats. I don’t have any married or engaged but I do have one that has already told us it will be coming. When I visited her last we found a throwaway free wedding magazine in the lobby of an old hotel. I picked it up and have saved it. It has lots of ads for venues, photographers and any other vender you could imagine needing. Maybe you can find something similar.
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I said well that’s nice but we have 2 other kids colleges to pay for so we are not going to be able to help pay for a wedding… while we may end up paying for something at least he knows now not to expect much.
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Well, that’s probably the reality for many families. Plus, as we’ve seen in the threads talking about student loan debt, there are probably many families who are struggling to make their Plus Loan or similar loan payments. College vs Weddings is probably going to be a serious problem for many families in the coming years.
College is a long-term investment in a young person’s future. In a different way, so is marriage. But the actual wedding isn’t.
In my jurisdiction, you can get married for less than $100 – $55 for the license and $25 for a courthouse ceremony. Add another $150 or so for a plain wedding ring for the bride – although even that is not absolutely necessary. And that’s it.
I like a pretty family event as much as the next person, especially if it features good food cooked by somebody who isn’t me, but it’s the marriage that matters, not the wedding.
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College vs Weddings is probably going to be a serious problem for many families in the coming years.
I hope not. They’re such different things.
College is a long-term investment in a young person’s future. In a different way, so is marriage. But the actual wedding isn’t.
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What I meant was…If a family has 2 or 3+ children (keeping in mind that “family calculations” assume contributions from current income and debt), the parents are still going to be making payments on loans, and maybe still putting younger children thru college, when the oldest child(ren) are getting married. Somethings gotta give. Likely, it’s going to be the pricey weddings. $7000 for the photographer and $10,000 wedding dresses are just not going to be in most people’s budgets.
@MichiganGeorgia 's response to her son’s future wedding…
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I said well that’s nice but we have 2 other kids colleges to pay for so we are not going to be able to help pay for a wedding… while we may end up paying for something at least he knows now not to expect much.
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Assuming that this would be the same response if the oldest child were a daughter, then likely other families will be facing this, too, as college costs now are at $100k+ for instate publics and $220k+ for privates.
Here on CC we tend to hear a lot from some pretty affluent people, so spending $100-200k+ on education (per child) and then spending another $50k-100k per wedding may not seem like a big deal, but to many families, even those with 6 figure incomes, this is just not sustainable.
I find this thread as interesting as it is entertaining. Also reinforces that my sister and I (not to each other) will get married far away from the family nexus and that it will NOT be in the US but at a beach resort. It will not be cheap but none of the money will go to the crazy expectations of yesterday (favors, hand delivered invitations, and other wasteful gimmicks) and it won’t feature a band that does NOT understand the value of keeping the volume low. The band will also be expected to take their breaks when people eat or go through the silly conventions. I’ve been to several weddings that were ruined by the timing of the bands. Just crazy!
My parents know that there won’t be any discussions regarding the list of guests. If they start, it will be a totally private affairs as I will not waste my time and energy to please relatives and friends of the family. The wedding is about my close family and my close friends.
Favors are useless in my opinion, I never had any to hand out any and don’t remember what I did wity the ones I received. Probably tossed in the trash. IIRC.
I prefer small and luxurious wedding for a reason. But for whatever reason, I remember it’s cheaper if the wedding is day time vs nighttime at a 5 star resort that I got married in. Plus I think the photos turned out better anyway.
