I’ll admit I’m not sure D2’s projected date will hold. She seems to be in a very romantic stage and not building toward the future after the ceremony, financially or otherwise. And though they planned to save for this, take a step forward in squaring their living arrangements, reduce their current debt, etc, in the past year it seems they haven’t. Both of my girls know I’d offer a modest amount, probably well less than many posters.
Nephew studied a year in Jerusalem at Hebrew University and one of his room-mates then invited him to a very high end wedding in NY. All the parents were wealthy, wealthy.
Many on CC are sensible people 
and most of us are coming from the same situation - want to have a nice wedding within budget. Our money has to go many ways and it doesn’t grow on trees.
@Fallgirl I hear what you’re saying and can empathize. I heard the same sentiment voiced a few times as well–but YK it came from folks who weren’t invited to the wedding–usually neighbors or casual friends who were making small talk when they heard that D was getting married.
My H and I paid for most of my older D’s wedding (D/SIL paid some things too and SIL’s mom and stepfather paid for the entire rehearsal dinner); we got many thank yous (even written notes) from the guests and wedding party–no one mentioned that we were foolish. Just ignore the comments and try not to let them annoy you (you’ve got a lot to do!!)
“they need to tell me I am a fool, I’m just paying for a big party (duh), they would never do that, etc.”
@FallGirl – what is it with people who do that? (And I don’t mean just weddings, but also schools, cars, vacations, etc) Why do people feel entitled to judge – publicly! – others’ financial decisions? It must be envy! When friends paid for a lavish wedding for their daughter – a beautiful wedding – my only reaction was. Wow. You’re all so lucky. Enjoy – and thanks for inviting me ! I had a blast and, more important, so did you.
Personally I didn’t want a night before reception dinner because I didn’t want two big things in two days less than 20 hours apart.
We did something with what would be the reception folks I think 2 nights before…catered BBQ at my brother’s lovely home.
I was thinking a catered BBQ with a great band would be a good wedding reception!
That’s what we are doing! Except it’s GREAT BBQ and the band is only decent. (Band is composed of me and some friends… ). I made progress on the wedding planning front today; paid 50% of the BBQ tab to guarantee our reservation, ordered customer Koozie online with Brides’ names and date of wedding. (Most drinks will be in bottles and cans, so the Koozies will come in handy!)
One of the best weddings I’ve been to was a pig roast at the groom’s family small lakefront cottage. The ceremony was on the beach, and tables were set up in fabric draped garage and under a tent in the driveway. Desserts and sides were mostly potluck from local family and guests. It was relaxed, with no assigned seating so people wandered between the beach and the food as they wished. There was a lot more interaction between the guests than often is possible in more formal settings. The music was a combination of cds and family musicians, upbeat and fun but never so loud that you couldn’t chat comfortably.
Well my relative is marrying this month. Just learned the groom’s family will he giving out very fragrant lei for many of the guests, vdespite the strong allergies to fragrance of father of the bride and many guests. Oh well, we will have a great time anyway, tho will have to be heavily drugged to try to surpress the allergies. It will be lovely memorable. I am the wedding coordinator but so far have NO instructions or orders. Wedding will be in 10 days.
Oh my, good luck with that HImom!!!
We have a cottage - on the beach - it would be gorgeous to have a wedding or party there! Unfortunately it’s on the Canadian side and our place is TI-NY - beach shack it is!!! Too many people don’t have passports to make this happen.
I talked to S yesterday about what we could contribute - a certain amount of $$$ and a casual rehearsal dinner. He seemed very grateful and thankful. He shared that his fiance’s mom is going to help as much as she “can” but he doesn’t know an amount. I hope that perhaps she can have that conversation with them (or that his fiance can get a better idea) so that they can make some of the major decisions.
This put me in a puddle of tears. S’s fiance is a beautiful, kind, loving girl. She works hard and though not the most stellar student grade wise, pushed through her undergrad, stayed focused and graduated in 4 years. Her parents divorced when she was around 10. Pretty bitter I think and her dad’s choice. He does not stay in contact much with any of his 4 daughters though he and they are all in town. She has made the effort to try and visit him once during the holidays. I asked S if he thought her dad would be involved in the wedding at all. S said that fiance send him a text and picture of her ring announcing the engagement - he has not responded. 
What a loser. I just sat and cried when S told me that. She is a piece of gold he chooses not to have in his life. I think I now understand why she has such a good relationship with my husband and why she enjoys him so much. Ugh…
So anyway, there will be no support from him!
@abasket your family will ‘absorb’ future DIL and her mom and sisters in your family. Are any of future DIL’s sisters married - did bio-father participate at all? Does bio-father want to be part? Perhaps your son needs to take the lead with some kind of a meeting between the 3 of them and find out where he stands - clear communication, clear understanding. It may be painful but it may help having a better wedding situation. No wonder, hoping. Clear position, one way or the other. I don’t think the bio-father should be so selfish and then be a part of DD’s celebration - or maybe he is just a cold hearted jerk and who wants that around? Maybe in his mind, no involvement is necessary because he cut himself out.
If you watch Blue Blood, Erin Reagan’s ex threw away wife (Erin played by gorgeous Rebecca Moynahan) and DD Nikki (gorgeous girl), and her father told her ex this to his face (PC father played by adorable Tom Selleck). Love the show. Feel for Rebecca Moynahan whose exBF Tom Brady threw her away too, even as she was pg with their son.
We have always embraced future DIL and immediately after the proposal, they all came to our house for a cook out at my request. Future DIL is the first of the 4 girls in the family to get married - two of her sisters are living with BF’s who just can’t seem to committ yet!
Her Dad …a piece of work. S has met him a few times over the years. Comments to son were stuff like, “why would you waste your brain on being a teacher? Shouldn’t you be a lawyer or something?!” (S was val and works in a high need inner city school district teaching middle school math to boys - and loves it - dear dad, the power ISN’T just in the paycheck!!). Anyway…as you say, unless there is some effort on his part, no need to create a scene at the wedding for DIL or her family.
Toxic dad wants to be out of the picture? Let him. I’m sure your future DIL loves your S in part because of the loving family he was raised in and how he has extended that love to her
This is much better than toxic dad who insists on his “right” to walk his daughter down the aisle.
Abasket I would not even bother with your future DIL’s father. He didn’t acknowledge her engagement and is is rude and disrespectful to her fiancé . You are all better off without him.
That’s what I want…a pig roast. The guy who does them here does a pig, brisket, chicken, corn and baked potatoes. We would get other foods too. And a terrific band. I can picture this…completely…even the venue. But then…my DD would need to want this too. I’m guessing she will.
Oh…we would have beer on tap (a couple of kinds) wine, a champagne toast, lemonade and ice tea.
We have a source for dinnerware and utensils.
Honestly…it would be a lot of fun.
Oh yes. I vote for pig roast as well.
We just realized that DD’s wedding, carefully scheduled to avoid a large music event that takes up two weekends in the park and to avoid Halloween, is taking place on the same weekend that 200,000 people come to town to watch the formula One races!!! *hits head against palm of hand * Price of hotel rooms doubles, if you can even find one! And we haven’t booked any block of hotel rooms for our guests, so they will be on their own to try to find a place. sigh. Oh no!
Post #`30, @SOS, her name is not Rebecca but Bridget Moynahan. She and Brady broke up before she knew she was pregnant, and nothing I’ve ever read says that it was anything but mutual. Far from throwing away his son or walking away from responsibility, Brady has his son at almost every important game and is as much a part of his family as he can be. I’ve seen pictures of them at Disney, on football trips, at the beach with Tom.
Just yesterday I read about some of the texts between Bridget and Tom (from his forced release of his texts and emails) and all were commenting that this was how exes should act, sharing the good things about son’s reading award and how proud Tom was.
Uh, @twoinanddone - I think you may have posted in the wrong thread…this is the wedding thread