<p>He’s soon to be 13, and I have never allowed the bedroom to be closed unless he is getting dressed or I close it if he is sleeping late and I don’t want to disturb him. I have been thinking of allowing him more privacy in his room, in other words, he can close his bedroom door if he chooses. </p>
<p>Currently, with the leaving the bedroom door open policy I don’t interfere too much, (some days it smells to high heaven of feet, and some days I want to faint, as he has made the bed after a week or more of not making it).</p>
<p>My biggest worry is the t.v. He has one with standard cable, (no movie channels, but MTV, etc.). I still try to be aware of what he watches and I will not allow him to watch Adult Swim, (raunchy adult cartoon on late nights). He would love to watch it. So, the question is was the bedroom door ever an issue in your home, esp. with pre-teens and teens?</p>
<p>I think privacy is a closer to a right than a privilege, unless a kid/teen does something to make me question his ability to handle that right.</p>
<p>If the TV is the issue, have you thought of removing the TV from his room? Radical, I know. Or locking out certain programs or channels?</p>
<p>I think rules about what a 13-year old can watch are quite right - we didn’t allow South Park, for example, back in my son’s day. Doesn’t mean he didn’t see it at a friend’s house (after all, how did he discover it in the first place?). But it’s a way of establishing your senses of values and works best if you discuss the why’s, imo. Even if they sneak the show, the communication of your values and how the show violates them accomplishes a lot, again imho.</p>
<p>I would say that if you are worried about the tv take it out of his room but yes let him close his door… he definitely needs some privacy at this age ;-)</p>
<p>We have always allowed our kids to close their bedroom doors. When DD was a toddler and DS didn’t want her in his things…we TOLD him to put them in his room, and close the door. When the kids lived here (even through high school) we did ask that they clean their rooms, including vacuuming and changing linens, once a week. AND dirty clothes hamper was in their bathroom. No food allowed in the bedrooms. Smell was fine. Re: the T.V…we have one TV in the house, and it’s in our family room. No T.V.s in the bedroom (and yes, they have cable…just no TV). I do think a 13 year old should be able to have his door closed. If you are worried about the TV…flip the breaker at a certain time in the evening, or remove the TV.</p>
<p>My kids don’t have TVs in their rooms, and we don’t have cable. So I can’t speak to that issue.</p>
<p>As far as closed doors, our house rule has always been if there is more than one person in the room (who aren’t married to each other ), the door must be open. We did foster care when the children were young, and had several kids who has a tendency to “act out” things that had been done to them. Keeping the doors open was how we protected all the children in our home. As the kids got older, we never saw any reason to change the rule.</p>
<p>I have an only child, a son who is now 18, and it was never an issue for us. I agree with jmmom that a teenager should have the right to privacy and the simple solution is to remove the tv (or at least the cable access) in his room.</p>
<p>I also did not allow certain shows until they were age-appropriate. South Park was definitely not allowed until the later teen years, and yes, I did learn later that he saw it at a friend’s house. But, again agreeing with jmmom, that’s how they learn to discern your values and decide on their own values. And that doesn’t happen overnight but is a process.</p>
<p>Perhaps you could ask him which he would prefer: a tv in his room with the door open, or the tv in the living room and privacy in his room?</p>
<p>Does he have his own computer in his room? The same would apply to that of course, with smut easily accessible.</p>
<p>I agree with everyone else. At 13, he should be able to keep his door closed. Though some on this board disagree with me, I think that teenagers do have a right to privacy, as long as they haven’t done anything questionable. Further, the things a normal 13 year old boy will get up to with his door closed are pretty safe. Feel free to go by his room and knock if you haven’t seen him in a while or if you’re suspicious for any reason. His room won’t be blocked off to you; you can still knock and enter or offer to help clean or vacuum in order to make sure it looks the same as always (that is not for snooping around, though). </p>
<p>You can remove the TV if you catch him watching a show that you think is inappropriate, require the door to be open while he watches TV, make a rule about what time the TV has to be off (and walk by his room to listen and see if it’s on), or block that channel if your TV allows it.</p>
<p>As a teenager, I can say that I would have been really upset had my parents not let me close my door. It’s respect and trust that you are showing your child and I agree with everyone else, that the best way to make sure that he’s not watching something you deem inappropriate is to install some sort of blocking or take the TV out of the room. I mean, aren’t you going to have to be peeking around his back all the time anyway to see what he is watching?</p>
<p>I loathe it when my parents read my online conversations over my shoulder. I tell them that it shows a total lack of trust in me and the only thing you’re going to achieve is me wanting to get out of the house…because if you push somebody too far, they’re just going to up and leave to a friends house and you end up alienating your child. Middle school is already a rough time with teachers and other people breathing down your back. Just my two cents from somebody younger.</p>
<p>I have a 13 yo S (and other sons 18 and 11). They keep their doors closed at night. Open during the day. I never noticed or thought about what they did. The younger two share a room and they don’t get along that well–so I suspect they’d tattle on each other if either tried to get away with something. They don’t spend much time in their room at all. They don’t particularly like their room–half the time they sleep on the couches in the living room. The 13 yo is a neat freak and keeps everything nice and clean.
I don’t allow food in their rooms, or shoes either, so that helps.</p>
<p>They don’t have TVs or computers in their rooms. I didn’t let the older one have his computer in his room before he was 18, but now that he is in college I don’t restrict that. And I trust him. I don’t think teenagers have a “right” to privacy, but I can sense their need for privacy as they get older and I give them what they need. I wouldn’t pry into their stuff unless I suspected they were up to something. TVs or computers in kids rooms aren’t a good idea, IMO. </p>
<p>(16 yo D keeps her door closed and locked at all times–we’ve had a few disasters with little sisters getting into art supplies, makeup, nail polish, etc.)</p>
<p>While I was growing up, my family always kept our bedroom doors open at night. (Big family, we shared rooms, so not much of a sense of or need for privacy). It actually gave me the creeps when I went to college and had to look at that closed dorm-room door at night. I didn’t even know that people slept with their bedroom doors closed!</p>
<p>I agree with lealdragon. Our son is 15, and we’ve always allowed him to close his door. Then again, he has neither a TV nor a computer in his room. Those are out in more public spaces in our home, precisely so they’re used (mostly!) in ways we’re happy about.</p>
<p>Doors should always be closed at night as a precaution against fire. A closed door will both minimize smoke and slow a fire from getting into your child’s room.</p>
<p>we have one tv no cable not in anyones bedroom
I don’t think it is healthy to have your entertainment space in the same place you sleep ( except for below )</p>
<p>When I read the bedroom door heading- I was thinking "I never shut* my bedroom door except…* " which makes it pretty obvious, I suppose</p>
<p>But yeah, I think everyone needs privacy even 5 year olds ( you just gotta check on them if they are too quiet)</p>
<p>and I agree with that doors should be shut at night to protect against smoke</p>
<p>No TV’s in the room. Not even an issue to be negotiated. No computers in the room either, except that the rule is now waived for college age son. Two of the three kids like keeping their doors closed when they are awake, one keeps it open when he is awake.</p>
<p>My kids can leave their bedroom doors open or close. We do not allow tvs in their rooms. They don’t have IM or facebook until 9th grade, and I will go on their computer to see what they are up to. I also go in their rooms when they are not around to check up on them. They know when they turn 18, all will be off limit (my older D is one week away). Their privacy is increased over time, and it’s also earned.</p>
<p>Our local firemen have said that bedroom doors should be shut to slow down fire movement.</p>
<p>A 13 year old should be given privacy (and trust). This can be withdrawn, of course, if it is abused.</p>
<p>I am very opposed to TVs and computers in any bedrooms (grown-ups too). Our house has one TV and computers are in the same room with the TV. Headsets are available for computer gaming if needed. Everyone can see what is on the TV or monitors.</p>
<p>I’ve never liked the idea of people going to separate rooms and watching separate TVs. It seems too isolating.</p>
<p>We have never had restrictions on our kids keeping their bedroom doors open or closed. Son always likes his closed, daughter keeps hers open a crack at nighttime. Whatever, it’s up to them. They each have a computer in their rooms, but no TV.</p>
<p>I am with the majority here. Give your 13 year old privacy AND get rid of the TV from the bedroom. We don’t have a TV in any bedroom (ours included) and the computers are both in our shared office space. Kids can work on computers any time, and we can see what they are doing. We don’t stand over them, but they know that if we walk by and suddenly the screen is changed… we will definitely check it out. </p>
<p>D is home from first year at college. She has her laptop in her room. She is 19 and a responsible adult. Totally different from my 16 year old.</p>
and some days I want to faint, as he has made the bed after a week or more of not making it).</p>
), the door must be open. We did foster care when the children were young, and had several kids who has a tendency to “act out” things that had been done to them. Keeping the doors open was how we protected all the children in our home. As the kids got older, we never saw any reason to change the rule.</p>