"Begging" for admission in the additional info?

College Essays
1

<p>Well, not really beggin per se, but, does this sentence strike you as inappropriate for the additional info section?</p>

<p>What perfectly summarizes this is a part of the lyrics from one of my favorite bands, King of Leon: “Given a chance, I wanna be somebody!”. All I need is a chance and I promise you won’t regret admitting me. </p>

<p>Maybe I’m getting the whole idea of the additional info wrong. I wrote about my paren’t divorce and my father’s law suits in the first part and how it affected my senior year’s grades a bit. </p>

<p>And also, is this a bad sentence to start with?</p>

<p>Even though WES Grade Conversion Guide suggests that in the US system I would have a GPA of 3.9, I would like to explain my not so excellent grades in my last high school year.
(I’m an international from Slovenia btw)</p>

<p>Do they make me come off as desperate/cocky? Because I really don’t want to be percieved that way at all, and I just wanted to express my feelings and opinions more effectively.</p>

2

<p>51 views and no answer :/?</p>

<p>Someone please share their opinion on this.</p>

3

<p>I’d drop the sentence you wrote. It indeeds makes you seem rather desperate and frankly, you have to show that you can be somebody rather than tell me. Explain your parents’ divorce and your dad’s lawsuit and show adcoms how they affected your grades. That’s what’s most important. Adcoms can see how much you want to go to their school in their “Why <college>?” essays and the colleges that don’t have this essay prompt probably don’t consider an applicant’s level of interest. Either way, you don’t need to show your “desperation” to go to a certain college through the additional info part.</college></p>

4

<p>Okay, thank you very much I shall erase that from my essay (:</p>

5

<p>Anyone else willing to give an opinion (:?</p>

6

<p>I agree with R3d3mpti0n, I’d take it out. They know you want to go there, that’s why you’re applying! I can see where it’s a little cute but definitely not what adcoms really want to see.</p>

7

<p>Okay (:
I just thought I’d be nice to stress how important this is for me somewhere.</p>

<p>Thanks for the answers though.</p>