<p>Her S (7th grade) is very bright especially in math-science ( seems like a future MIT-type), less so in writing, but overall good academically.She is considering a private high school (non-boarding) instead of local public to offer him greater academic challenge and focus on science. However, he has been somewhat of a discipline problem in public school-- not always doing what he is told, sometimes not being considerate of other kids…She wonders if a private school would be prepared to deal with behavioral issues or if she might be better off keeping him in the less challenging public school where “bad behavior” would need to be much worse to be considered “serious.”</p>
<p>There are many many private schools in the Boston area that are non-boarding. The least expensive that is not parochial costs about $20k (last year’s figure). If the kid is a math/science type, there are plenty of opportunities for enrichment both in and outside school. Kids in the Boston area take Harvard Extension classes. Most schools have science teams and possibly math teams. Lexington is a national powerhouse.</p>
<p>Just as an example, our suburban high school has qualifying tests for eighth graders who want to take accelerated Math and Earth Science in the 9th grade.</p>
<p>The 9th grade accelerated Earth Science course uses a college level textbook.</p>
<p>The vast majority of 8th graders take Algebra I, putting them on track to take Calculus their senior year in high school.</p>
<p>kids that have been discipline problems- may be so because they are bored- because the class size is too large for the teachers to adaquately instruct a class- because teh work is moving too slowly for them.
I think she might find that in a more academic setting, his behavior issues diminish.
plus that age is about the hardest period in adolescense from what I remember.</p>
<p>I agree that the discipline problems might diminish. However, I have a son who was also a behavior problem and was kicked out of a couple private schools. It IS true that they are less tolerant of repeated “incidents” than a public school would be. They are also better at working with the kids to get them back on track and understand the effect of their actions on themselves and the school community.</p>
<p>i wonder if she’s asked her son his opinion. I think that’s what I would have done with mine. (Visit private school with son, observe classes together, talk with teacher/headmaster/whatever) Speculate afterwards with son about the pluses and minuses.</p>
<p>With private schools, there is an application process, with the student writing the application, doing essays, doing an interview, etc…so unless student wants to make the change, it could be difficult</p>
<p>The student may be better, perhaps he is unchallanged and bored, so acts out, maybe he is a bit of a “nerd” so acts out to prove he is not, maybe he is a follower and is easily goaded into misbehaving, maybe he takes the lead and likes to show off, or maybe he is just an antsy 12-13 year old in an unstimulating envirnonment creating some excitement</p>
<p>So, your friend needs to look at son, and honestly see why son acts out a bit, and when looking at private schools, be sure if going to one, that it is a good match.</p>
<p>Applications come out in Aug-Sept usually, with open houses, tours, etc all fall with applications due starting usually in Oct- Nov, with a test to take in January or December (depends on school)</p>
<p>So it is good they are thinking about it know because the process is almost like college applications, if the schools are competitive and good schools. Its usually not just walk in and say here’s my money…these schools can pick and choose</p>
<p>Also- you will be required to get a recommendation from the English and Math teachers, as well as the school counselor. If discipline problems are indicated, it could easily ruin his chances of acceptance. We learned that schools are very unwilling to take a discipline problem…</p>
<p>I think you need to look for a school which is particularly willing to work with this specific student and his issues. I think there’s a place for him – it may take some legwork to identify the right fit.</p>
<p>it doesn’t sound like the dicsipline issues are major, just annoying, and many private schools get why parents move from public to private- whether its parochial, or otherwise, and if you are upfront, they won’t reject someone outright, you just need to understand the schools you are looking at, and work with them</p>
<p>So if he is just a bit uppity, that is one think, if he set things on fire, that is something else</p>
<p>The top private schools will never deal with behavior issues. they are like top colleges, they don’t need to. In my family all the kids got into good private schools except for one brother who had equal stats but a single one day suspension on his record. There are schools for sure that will deal, but they’ll be worse than a public in a good district in general.</p>
<p>My sons have always attended private schools. When we moved to CA before their 3rd/5th grade years, we moved them to an excellent top private day school here also. Younger S (TJFH, for those of you who have been observant on other Parent Cafe threads ) has always had behavioral challenges, mostly stemming from early deafness and ADHD impulsivity. The new school was willing to accept him, conditionally based on his stellar admission test scores and the notes from 2nd grade teachers lauding how creative and smart he was, pending successful completion of their “3rd Grade Readiness” summer school. As would be his trend over the rest of his school career, he did just exactly as much as was necessary to pass, and little more. He did, however, totally charm the 3rd grade teacher. :)</p>
<p>He’s now a rising senior at the same school, so they’ve seen him for nearly 10 years. In that time, he has gotten into some trouble (mostly for neglecting to attend detention, assigned for forgetting to hand in homework assignments: he had to come in for a “Saturday Five” which consisted of raking and bagging leaves on campus for 5 hours – he never missed detention after that), but the requirement that he stay within school behavior guidelines or be out on his behind has always been sufficient to keep him within the lines. And the administration has been surprisingly willing to work with him and us to find creative ways to enable him to succeed. I am way WAY convinced that, with his smarts and frustration with things that bore him and early impulsivity (now nearly gone), had he not been in a vibrant, attractive environment with high standards, he could very well have developed serious behavior problems, fallen in with a “bad crowd”, and had far less success than he’s had. (I’m also not sure how much creative support we would have gotten from our public school administrators along the lines of what we’ve gotten at his school, but I have no real experience by which to judge that.) The structure and behavioral expectations at his private school have been part of what has enabled him to become the functional teenager he is today, and the small class size (largest class = 16, more commonly 8 to 12) has been fabulous for him. It’s occasionally been a rough road, but he wanted to stay at the school, and has learned to do what it takes to function within the rules.</p>
<p>I tell you all this as an anecdote, wtih the thought that sometimes putting a bright, frustrated, acting-out child into a rich and attractive yet more structured environment with clear expectations and guidelines and consequences (e.g. here’s what it takes to be tossed) might be enough to help him grow and mature. I’m sure it isn’t right for everyone, and there’s that little problem of being admitted in the first place and paying the tuition, but if they find a school that seems to offer the academics and creative opportunities their S needs, which isn’t authoritarian about things, it might be a really good move for him. It has been for TJFH. ;)</p>
<p>If teachers, in recommendations, identify his behavioral problems as problematic, most private schools in Boston won’t touch him, at least the top notch ones. They have more applicants than spaces, like 10-1, so don’t bother with kids with any special or behavioral needs at all.</p>
<p>I agree with MOWC. High acheiving academic private schools are not well suited for behavior issues. They do not have the funds for trained staff. The social atmosphere tends to be super competitive. In general, they select their student body with an eye towards minimizing behavior problems. Thus, they limit children from broken homes, children with diagnosed learning difficulties etc etc. Private schools are also interested in accepting children with at least one other sibling. </p>
<p>Personally, with a few teachers as friends, I would hesitate to tell any baby boom parent that their little Johnnie’s behavior problem is due to boredom in the classroom. That is an easy excuse for who knows what behavior. Many parents are in denial about the severity of behavior problems. The child may be better served by a head on attempt to address the behavior issues.</p>
<p>I’d be wary about behavior issues and an academically rigorous private school - you really should look into this closely at the school under consideration. In general most private schools are much tougher than public schools when it comes to even relatively minor behavior issues. They want kids who fit their mold, and they don’t have to tolerate those who don’t fit the mold. The private school doesn’t have to offer you a contract for next year. Short of really extreme behavior, the public school has to deal with the kid.</p>
<p>Here’s another thought. The private schools with which I’m familiar are extremely challenging, as other posters have noted. If a student doesn’t take the workload seriously, and just fools around, it won’t be long before he is left behind. I think that one reason private schools don’t want to deal with behavior issues is that they are oftentimes moving full speed ahead academically. In order to maintain the school’s record for excellence – as measure by SAT’s, college acceptances etc – they need to select motivated, bright kids. Their fund raising and tuitions depend on this. It almost seems unfair to place a student who isn’t prepared for the work into such a situation.</p>
<p>There may not be that much difference between a child who has been incorrectly diagnosed as having a behavior disorder and one who has a different learning style from students who are good at sitting in desks.</p>
<p>My daughter attended very competitive rigourous schools where the biggest names around send their kids- but the schools are great schools that recognize taht students may have different challenges at times-
One student for example could not sit still and so was allowed to roam around the room.
My own daughter couldn’t not write, so she was allowed to draw- if they weren’t allowed paper, she came home with quite elaborate designs on her jeans.
As long as something wasn’t totally disruptive, it was considered, if it was a behavior that helped the student learn.
IF you are someone who needs to move around, it isn’t going to help if you are forced into a desk & you can also learn how to do it without disrupting the class.
I won’t argue that some schools prefer to have all students cut out of same mold, and wouldn’t accept students no matter what they could contribute if they had any indication that they might be a little unconventional or challenging- but thank goodness that there are still schools that are willing to consider students who could really benefit from a more rigourous environment than is often found in a large public classroom, even if they aren’t perfectly behaved.</p>
) has always had behavioral challenges, mostly stemming from early deafness and ADHD impulsivity. The new school was willing to accept him, conditionally based on his stellar admission test scores and the notes from 2nd grade teachers lauding how creative and smart he was, pending successful completion of their “3rd Grade Readiness” summer school. As would be his trend over the rest of his school career, he did just exactly as much as was necessary to pass, and little more. He did, however, totally charm the 3rd grade teacher. :)</p>