<p>We are thinking about becoming Foster Parents. Any CC people doing this? Not sure we will qualify because of eldest son (you know!)</p>
<p>I have not but have a friend who did. She and her husband took in babies mostly as a transition/short term emergency situations when the kids parents were arrested etc. Eventually she took in two sibs and has adopted them and the kids are excelling. There is certainly a need.</p>
<p>I have seriously thought about it - am still thinking about it - because I have worked as a Guardian ad Litem for the past 2 years, advocating for children that are in foster care. If and when I become a foster parent I think we will start out offering respite care, which is short term when a regular foster parent needs a break. From what I have seen, one of the worst things for a child is to be moved around a lot. I try to prevent that as much as possible. I am not ready to commit to being a foster parent that would keep a child for several years.</p>
<p>God bless you. A good friend has been a foster parent for a few years now. Her only daughter is in her twenties, and she took in two precious boys whose mom is a drug addict. One was a toddler, with vision problems, and it has been wonderful to see him start school this year. The older one is almost ready for high school. Such a handsome young gentleman. I cannot be prouder of my friend. I know she has had many times where she’s asked for prayers when the druggie mom has tried to get the kids back over the years and seen her agony when she’s lost them to the mother. But I am so proud of her for sticking with it, because she has made such a difference in these two little boys’ lives.</p>
<p>The respite care sounds like a good thing-providing short term care for parents who need a break. How accepting are kids in the neighborhood in inviting foster children for playdates? Or is that not allowed because a playdate family hasn’t been screened by the agency? Do most foster kids end up playing with other foster kids in our area for that reason? I was unsuccessful in getting to talk with someone at the agency.</p>
<p>If you want to be a foster parent, I suggest going through Casey Family Services if it exists in your area.</p>
<p>Casey Family Services closed at the end of 2012. 
[Casey</a> Family Services](<a href=“http://www.aecf.org/OurWork/ChildWelfarePermanence/CaseyFamilyServices.aspx]Casey”>http://www.aecf.org/OurWork/ChildWelfarePermanence/CaseyFamilyServices.aspx)</p>
<p>Good advise here. When we were first married we had friends whose parents took in newborns, often premies, born addicted to crack. They were high need, round the clock care infants, and the fit with an older empty nest couple with a stay at home mom was ideal. They usually had them 6-8mos and as you can imagine letting go was agonizing. All were being adopted so knowing they weren’t going to be passed around in foster care made it easier. I admired them so much.</p>
<p>My parents were foster parents and it is so hard emotionally, its a lot more work but all worth it in the end. It is a long process to get certified as well and it also depends on the state.</p>
<p>My sister & BIL are long term foster parents…who ended up adopting seven of their foster kids–all special needs, physically and mentally. All had at least one parent with drug issues. Only one was an infant. She now has 6 teenagers at home :eek:</p>
<p>Fostering is not for the faint of heart. It can be emotionally and physically draining. Heartbreaking and rewarding. 24/7/365. There is such a need, but one has to jump thru MANY hoops to get certified. While I can understand the need to vett the good vs. bad foster parents, most of these kids come from some fairly horrible situations, so I think the system needs to be streamlined.</p>
<p>I agree that respite care may be a way to begin. My sister still does this (yes, in addition to her 7 adopted kids!) and she also has used respite for her and her H.
She does not get away often, as it takes a lot of effort to get 7 special needs kids set up with qualified care givers. She barely gets all settled and then has to turn around and gather everyone up again!</p>
<p>They have no regrets.<br>
Would I do this? Nope. It’s been said that God gives you only what you can handle…
that’s why I have two and she has ten. She got much more of the mothering gene than I did…and married a guy who has equally as much patience and nurturing nature.</p>
<p>Too bad about Casey. In my area, they seemed to do a much better job of supporting the kids and families than the state.</p>
<p>We were Foster Parents many years ago. It was an incredibly rewarding and heart breaking experience. The best advice I can give is to do lots of research into all the agencies in your area. Compare all the requirements, trainings, support services, therapy offered etc. While your most important job is helping the child, the agency can assist you or make things more difficult.</p>
<p>We were therapeutic foster parents and took kiddos that would normally go to a group home. They ranged from 3 to 9 year old and had been abused and molested for years. It was really important to provide a very consistent, calm routine and to rejoice in everyday moments. They didn’t do well with changes or wow events like holidays or going to the fair. </p>
<p>You asked about play dates. I hosted all the play events because we were required to have an adult supervising them at all times. No babysitters under age or playing in the front yard without adult watching. They played fabulous with the neighborhood kids when we were supervising. As you can imagine, this was very time consuming.</p>
<p>My biggest complaint was that I had to sign a contract that did not allow me to share any information with their teachers besides they are my foster child , need close supervision and cannot be left alone. I can still remember the teacher calling me. “Suzy Q age 9” told the girls on the playground that she had sex with her father and brother… I had to tell the teacher that “Suzy Q” was telling the truth. I did break the rules after that and privately met with teachers to give them more insight.</p>
<p>We rejoiced when one child was placed with relatives, 2 children placed with new adoptive homes. Our most heartbreaking experience was asking that they find a new foster home for a 5 year old who needed more help that we could give.</p>
<p>I am not interested in theraputic care, but in being a home for regular foster kids. Ideally, I would take 1 or a pair of siblings, between 4-10 or so. Thanks for sharing, but in NJ it seems we go through 1 cental organization.</p>
<p>Good luck, fauxmaven. It’s not something I could do.</p>
<p>“regular” foster kids. Where I am most foster children come from very difficult situations. They benefit from TLC but also structure. Many have educational and/or social issues. Some have health issues. All have emotional issues.</p>
<p>Families I know who have done foster care have had varying experiences. Some have found the support for their kids to be terrific. Others have begged for things like counseling with no results.</p>
<p>Most states have a training for potential foster families. I would strongly suggest you do this. </p>
<p>This is such a need…but I’m also one who would not be able to do this.</p>
<p>I am all signed up for the classes.</p>
<p>Child Protective Services won’t remove a child unless there are extreme or reoccurring incidences. A normal foster child really doesn’t exist.</p>
<p>We chose to help the emotionally needy because they qualified for extra counseling and support. My profession is working with young children so I already knew how to provide the structure mixed with love.</p>
<p>In our state and I assume others, there are non-profit or religious organizations that have Foster Parenting. They provide a bridge- a parent realizes they can’t take care of their kiddo so they put them in Foster Care. They attend parenting classes and get their life together. Some of this is voluntary and some is court mandated. My parents fostered several children this way. It was nice that there wasn’t significant abuse. It did mean that they handed the child or baby over to biological parent for a weekend and didn’t know what would happen. </p>
<p>I’m not trying to be pessimistic just realistic. Being a Foster Parent is incredibly hard work. You have to have a passion for loving these kiddos no matter what. You also have to build a wall around your heart so you can let them go.</p>
<p>Bless. (10 char)</p>
<p>My sister’s friend was a single teacher who lived with her mother. She took in the 11 year old girl. A single male teacher at our high school took in the brother, who was close to the same age. The mother was a drug addict who had a few other children that were either with her, the babies, or in other homes. The children were allowed or had to go home to the mother periodically, sometimes with the excuse that they had to have contact with their siblings who were still with her. The girl wound up getting pregnant at 16 and is now on her third child, on welfare, with a drug problem. The boy went back to the mother as the male teacher couldn’t handle him anymore, but they remain close, and the young man is now married and has children, and his former foster father is a proud “grandpa”. </p>
<p>I have seen my friend who has foster children now go through so much heartbreak when the courts give the kids back to the drug addict parents, and often, the parents relapse and the kid is back in the horrible situation. But the parents have rights and when they have periods of lucency, they want their kids back.</p>
<p>I can imagine this is common in foster parenting, and my heart goes out to people who have the courage to take this on. God bless you and my prayers are with you.</p>
<p>I can’t be a foster parent until my felon son is 5 years past his parole! So the Gods in Trenton have spoken. We could not get an answer until today.</p>