<p>One thing’s for sure: parenting has changed.</p>
<p>My parents would be arrested for how little they knew about my sibs and me and our lives when we were in high school. Of course, the laws have changed, too.</p>
<p>I have a few friends from when my kids where small, but our interests just coincided around the arts and we found ourselves in the same place from time to time. One of their kids is a good friend of D’s, but otherwise, we ended up as friends anyway. I ddn’t always enjoy the soccer parents as much as I would have liked to, given the sheer volume of time we all spent out of town together, but it was what it was. </p>
<p>The minute my D stopped playing, I really never saw any of them. But, H made a couple of guy friends over the years and still they go for a beer from time to time.</p>
<p>I grew up in a real neighborhood, blue collar, all the parents knew all the kids and any mom or dad was just as likely to yell at you or get out of the car and take you home if they saw you doing something the didn’t like as your own mom or dad.</p>
<p>My own H has been an amazing father. he’s done a great “job.” He even changed jobs one time rather than miss out on the EC’s. fortunately he was good enough at what he did to write his own ticket. I have to admit that there were a couple of career moves I didn’t make, because of not wanting to leave the area while my kids were still in school. But I’m young and that is over and now that part of the job has ended.</p>
<p>I believe we can have everything but we can’t have everything at the same time. I’m actually kind of glad, now, that I still have a few things I want to accomplish. i tend to finish my lists and I don’t think I’d be nearly as excited about the second half of my life if I’d already gotten it all done.</p>
<p>bookworm – I’m glad you found friends through your child. When the hand of friendship was extended, you embraced it. For me and H, when it happened, when our child liked their child and we clicked with the parents, it was as if all nine planets lined up. </p>
<p>I think you are absolutely on target with your thoughtful observations. So sorry for your loss of both parents in one year. So many people who have had far less hardship don’t understand the concept of being grateful for what they have.</p>
<p>I have to be honest here - working full time and having a husband who worked full time, I just don’t think we had any time to invest in finding new friendships. We were just too tired to invite people over on Saturday night and stuff like that. More power to those who could, but I felt that focusing on my family and career was enough, and I deliberately didn’t focus on a lot else.</p>
<p>Class of 2015,
Thanks so much for your understanding. I am so grateful for many things. I am only close to one of those friends, but there was a trust. It may sound old-fashioned, but I liked to interview parents before son had play dates (when very young). Everyone knew alcohol wouldn’t be served, and drugs hidden when he got to HS. If I took a friend with us for a weekend, I would keep him as safe as if he were my own. I’d be sensitive to their food habits, as they would be with the worm, who was a vegetarian for years. Being a single mom, it was good for the worm to be around dads. </p>
<p>We all try our best. The more I care for others, the more I am cared for. Probably every parent has lived through major illnesses with their children. While I wouldn’t term that ‘torture’, I’d be silently hurting. We were always have fun rituals afterwards. I suspect every parent on CC has done the same.</p>
<p>Poetgrl, that is my exact belief. That we can have it all, just not at the same time and that we do have to prioritize and choose, but that for most of us life is long and the years of having small children are short.</p>
<p>One of my greatest regrets is that I spent so much time punishing myself for working that I never made friends.</p>
<p>Whether being a mom is a job or not, I decided to work at it. And work it was when my kids were little! I’m now eagerly awaiting the opportunity to give my daughters a hand when they have children, whether they consider motherhood a job, a relationship, or some other wonderful thing.</p>
<p>Ever since you said you wanted to go to college but never were able when you were younger, I’ve had a thought of you going now, or in a few years, and being one of those life long learners. </p>
<p>Post 125–Poetgirl–I can say the same thing about growing up in a real neighborhood where nobody hesitated to correct other’s kids (but insert white collar.) It was just a given.
My house has always been the one where the neighborhood kids landed for long periods and I’ve never once been hesitant to correct behavior or haul someone home to their rightful owners.</p>
<p>My fatherless daughter once wrote a paper in which she mentioned the “fatherly” things my BF does: Bakes pies, makes pancakes, washes the dishes. That says a bit about my deficits in the stereotypical “mom” department. And a bit about what a great BF I have!</p>
He even changed jobs one time rather than miss out on the EC’s. fortunately he was good enough at what he did to write his own ticket. I have to admit that there were a couple of career moves I didn’t make, because of not wanting to leave the area while my kids were still in school. But I’m young and that is over and now that part of the job has ended.</p>