Branching off from the Being Very Tall thread. . .
My husband is pretty much bald. He had lovely hair in college and lost in through his 30s. He is fine with his appearance, I am fine with his appearance.
You would not believe HOW MANY people comment on him being bald. If they are old friends who maybe have not seen him, 99% of them will say something like, “Wow you lost your hair, man!” As if he didn’t know. And they mention it more than once, so it’s not like they are just blurting it out in surprise.
If he posts a funny photos on Facebook about the dog or something, 100% of the time people will comment something like “wow that dog must be a lot of work, you’ve lost all your hair!”
It amazes me. No one would ever say to an old friend “wow, you have put on a lot of weight” or “You are really gray!” It’s not like he has any control over it!
So for those of you who are follicularly challenged, or have close friends/family who are, have you heard similar things?
Super rude. In general, having worked for decades in a field dominated by males, I find men seem comfortable being very blunt with one another in a way women won’t/don’t. Guys, especially alpha males, seem to have no problem with telling each other they are bald, fat, etc. (like the individual is unaware of that??). It really surprised me in my 20s when I was exposed to that environment because I didn’t grow up with it. I often thought, “Did you just say what I think you said? or I can’t believe you just said that!”
I don’t know if it stems from locker room banter or what the origin is. I will tell you though that it does bother the recipient of the comments but the “boys club” types don’t notice or if they do, they give out even more crap. Not all guys are this way but there are certain types and I find it unfortunate.
I wonder if is more prominent in American culture or is prevalent in other countries/cultures as well. I do know after living in the Caribbean for a chunk of time that West Indian women will be very blunt in their commenting.
I will add, after working in very close quarters with mainly all males, men are EXTREMELY sensitive about their hair loss. It’s definitely a subject to leave alone.
I got thin on top, and got tired of “pretending I had hair” a few years ago and started buzzing it very very short - don’t quite have the courage to shave my head, but after a cut there is just stubble. The only person that I can recall ever commenting on my lack of hair (besides occasionally my wife) is my obese sister in law. I just smile and say nothing. I actually prefer having it very short (or not there at all). One less thing to take care of, no more hair combing, rarely bother with shampoo, I don’t mind the look at all.
My dad was bald as a billiard ball by his 30’s and wore it proudly. When my son started losing his hair at a young age-like 18-I reminded him how he looked like grandpa (and yes, I know you don’t get baldness from your mother’s side). I got him hats-again, reminding him of his grandfather’s large hat collection. And by his mid-20’s he started shaving the rest off. He’s fine with it. I would never think of commenting on it in a negative way. If anyone else has, he has never mentioned it.
I am the one with thinning hair. It bugs me. A lot. And I’m less than thrilled with the sister who feels compelled to point it out every single time she sees me. I found and happily use those hair fibers to cover up the thinning. My H doesn’t care-or he knows better than to say anything. Like the OP, I don’t know why anyone would comment on hair loss.
@sseamom, actually the first identified baldness gene is on the X chromosome, which men inherit from their mother, so there was a bit of folklore that males would have the hair of their maternal grandfathers. but it is now known there are other factors in play as well
Advantages of being “folically challenged”. Cheap haircuts. We purchased a set of inexpensive haircut shears and buzz buzz it’s done. There is no styling a mostly bald head. Wind…so what! Let it blow!
Disadvantages, sun. You must keep a hat around. I have at least one in every car and several at home.
DH started losing his hair at age 19 or so and only has a ring of hair around his head now. Luckily for him, he has very little gray. He seems OK with it, although he says he was definitely not OK with it at age 19.
S1, however, is only 31 and has significant “thinning” on top. We do not mention it. Ever.
Absolutely have heard these things about my own DH, who in his youth was described as a Jack Nicholson look-alike and is now told he’s a dead ringer either for Larry David – or the mad professor in Back to the Future :))
On a more serious note, he just had a hunk of skin cancer taken off the top of his bald head. Typical cancer of the older and follicularly challenged.
DS18 is only 16 and has a receding hairline. Based on his hairline and heavy facial hair, most people assume he is 25+ not 16! The doctors say it’s genetic and nothing to can be done.
S1 is follicularly challenged. We only talk about it with him if he mentions it first, otherwise we say nothing, and he’s only been willing to talk about recently.
My father had most of his hair when he died at 63, so I don’t think that’s where the genes came from. My maternal grandfather and uncles OTOH lost their hair much earlier. DH’s father also was balding in his 30’s, but not DH at that age.
I think a natural bald look can be quite sexy. Remember Telly Savalas and his lollipops? You can have your H remind people that the testosterone of bald men is higher than average. ;))
@katliamom my son works outside and usually wears a hat, but more than a few times he has gone out on his boat and comes back with a sunburned head. I need to get on him about the skin cancer!
@sseamom My son also works outside - and is very fair. But trying to get him to use sunscreen has been like pulling teeth. If you manage to convince your son to be careful, be sure to tell me how you did it.
It’s crazy how people do comment on it.
Yds seems to be losing his hair. My dh, his dad, is bald, started when he was 18, the classic male pattern baldness. Yds seems to be following the “losing it” pattern, way more subtle, yet it happening. I never, ever say a word. I know from my dh just how unappealing this is for men.
My H is not on Facebook but I am, and so I’ve friended a lot of his college friends who recognize my name and they say hello to him that way. Invariably, when I get a new friend of that age range (early 50’s), H wants to see their pictures and he does comment on who has lost their hair and who hasn’t. I suspect it matters to guys a lot more than it matters to women.