Practical fears/worries assuming that a non-traditional family gets past the foreign ideas of “sending” a kid to school or other such misplaced stigmas.
And I’m not talking the kids who get the rare scholarship+ type things because that’s not the typical experience. I’m talking in the early phases of consideration.
Experience? Opinions?
I’ve found that many families worry about the distance/logistics and the money involved getting there and back and there and back many times if the kid goes to boarding school. When considering whether to apply and where to apply, they make lots of secondary excuses about the inconvenience, the schedule, the drive, or the cost of tickets. The implication of visiting does sometimes enter into this, as well. That sort of concern gnaws away and leaves them with either a lower-probability local option and/or a less “prestigious” local option where they focus their efforts when the kid may have been a real candidate for another school.
(Though not often stated, the potential of social isolation of the parents might be a real thing for some folks, especially in only child and/or single-parent families. With the kid gone, what do you do if you’re not with other parents doing kid stuff 24/7?)
Assuming that the kid is the A+ middle-class striver/high-achiever from the non-traditional family who wants to go and is unfamiliar with boarding school but eager for something a heck of alot more interesting than what they know. So, we’re past the most theoretical woolgathering and now deciding whether to consider “going away” or “settling” for the local options only. After the magilla of tuition and FA. What’s the concern that stops the process? I’ve heard lots of mutterings of distance/logistics/expense. And?
(I get that understanding boarding school FA policies vs “scholarships” is a bridge too far for many folks. They don’t get it, won’t get it, or don’t care. That stops the process for them before it gets started. But once past that…)
You can lead a hearse to water but you can’t make a drink.
In for a penny, in for a sawbuck.
In case there’s anybody here who wants to share the things that almost made them not bother. Barriers can be circumvented; it happens every day, but the process is hard for the average significant-FA families, and it often looks and feels hardest at first.
(And some kids/families can’t get the applications completed/just stop partway through, but that’s a pretty strong indication the kids were not good candidates in the first place. And there are legit concerns even if you get in with the needed aid somewhere/after it’s reality and you need to be double-secret-probation sure what you’re getting into . But that’s a different discussion.)
Distance/logistics. Fear of running out of $ for retirement… Worries about short-changing needs of other kids in family… Concern re: college expenses. Will kids be less close if they lose daily contact?
Someone mentioned these two major objections to BS to me
“The other kids are there because they were too much for their families to handle – bad kids - or from families which were not loving and functional – damaged kids.”
And related to that, “I don’t want my kid’s values formed by a bunch of other kids”.
As wacky as that sounds to all of us, I think there are a lot of people who have some variant of this sentiment.
I know people who feel their kids are not mature or independent enough, and I suspect this is often true. I also think that for kids who are involved in certain activities at a very high level, especially to the exclusion of others, BS is simply not an option. I’m thinking high level gymnasts, equestrians, ballet dancers, etc.
BS was a great option for my kid, but it really isn’t for everyone.
Risk of grades/scores being lower if away from home than they are in public school or a local day school, therefore possibly negatively impacting college search.
Not being able to do a year-around club sport that the student has trained in for years (but it’s only one season at BS).
Parents can’t help their kid with schoolwork if not at home (I say that after just hearing about parents of PS kids typing papers for their kids, tutoring them in math, etc).
We’ve heard from fellow parents in DS’s 8th grade class and other parents at the school that they are just “not ready” for their kids to go away. I suspect there are varying degrees of pure emotional attachment and giving up the ability to micromanage, help with school work, and generally helicopter parent, and just worrying that kids will fall apart and not succeed without a parent looking over their shoulder.
I’m finding renewed opportunities for hovering and micromanaging in the college application process. Ah, the sweet pleasures I thought had been lost forever…
I enjoyed watching my kids play high school sports and be in the musicals and plays. I really miss it now that they are in college. Yep, I guess I was in the ‘I wasn’t ready’ group.
Anyone in the ‘not ready’, I get, but that’s not really a barrier in the admission or pre-admission process.
Sports can be a concern. Gone are the days of preppy sports like lacrosse only available at NE boarding schools, on Long Island, and in suburban Maryland. No every prole has access to lacrosse!
But a truly elite athlete might be giving up too much at a boarding or prep school. There might only be one or two schools that might even be considered an upgrade for them in their particular sport. Most top high school-age athletes are not in that position, though. And some want access to a sport that they can only get at a boarding or prep school for whatever reason.
Sports can be an issue. My son plays baseball. Not a big/ supported sport at many of most NE boarding schools. It’s mainly a summer sport with a short 5 weeks school session in NE (if you’re lucky and the snow melts). The problem is most competitive (non-school) teams are formed in the fall, start initial indoor workouts in the winter and start their seasons in April with spin-off competition/showcase teams in the summer. My son will miss the whole process being away. Hopefully, there will be a team that wants him enough that they will work around his school schedule.
But it’s true: at one time lacrosse was the most hilariously, embarrassingly preppy sport, moreso even than squash for goodness sake. New England or at least northeast boarding schools, Long Island, and suburban DC, mostly Maryland, and on into elite colleges and universities. Lacrosse was the unironic salmon-colord chinos before salmon knew how to wear pants. Middle class high schools and middle-class towns had no idea what lacrosse was. It did not exist. Now lacrosse is everywhere, so someone had to go invent $150 pink pants and convince the kids of the exclusive lacrosse players that they were a good idea. The pants and the kids.