<p>I am starting this because of the how far do you help a child thread.</p>
<p>What is the one piece of advice you could ever give or receive as an adult?</p>
<p>Mine came from my Mom. </p>
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<p>Not only did she say that, but she lived it and taught me early on in my marriage not to put her into our fight. I would call and complain as a newlywed about Bullet. She ALWAYS took his side. By our 1st anniversary I never beeacched about him, because I learned she would defend him and I gained nothing. That action of taking his side made him feel loved as a child and not a spouse, and it taught me that if I wanted to be an adult, I couldn’t run to Mommy.</p>
<p>hm My mother didn’t give me that advice per se, but because she always favored males over females the result was the same.
At the same time to my H’s parents he could do no wrong- even when he was arrested for domestic violence it was actually my fault, so my mother and my inlaws had a lot in common.
But that isn’t really * good advice* is it? </p>
<p>Better advice.
Sleep when the baby sleeps.
Watch the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves.
Do it yourself.</p>
<p>“The trick to giving good advice is not to be invested in whether or not people actually take it.”</p>
<p>If you run into more than two jerks in a day, you’d better look in the mirror. In our house, this was expressed as, “One that’s you, two that’s you, three, that’s me.” ;)</p>
<p>I hope you don’t believe my Mom ever placed men over women, because she didn’t. Actually I was always her baby, and in honesty, the only time my Mom did get involved it was with my sister when she said enough, I can’t take you being this upset anymore. She took my sister out of her home that minute, while her fiance was walking the dog and left me behind to tell him it was over, and I am only still here because I need to collect the dog.</p>
<p>I do agree on your better advice
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<p>I do that every week when I go grocery shopping. In our younger days before you could pay for groceries with an ATM. I would deduct from my register what the total bill was before using coupons. It paid for our family vacations every year, and it motivated me to spend Sunday clipping coupons while watching 60 Minutes, because the more I saved the better our vacation would be. Those pennies added up.</p>
<p>On that theme here is the piece of advice we received
</p>
<p>In other words, put money away in an acct that is very hard to touch that will help you in the future as far as savings. It doesn’t mean go buy Manolo shoes and then pay your bills.</p>
<p>Take care of yourself so you can take care of others; when you let yourself run down, you’re no good to anyone.</p>
<p>Follow your passion and good things will happen.</p>
<p>Move forward with your best approximation instead of studying the issue to death, especially all the reasons your plan can’t & won’t work. You can adjust as needed.</p>
<p>Bullet&pima, I realize that your mom didn’t stay out of your arguments because she thought men should be listened to even when they were wrong as my mom did- she would even tell me about my brother’s fights with his wife ( he would tell her, plus she moved in with him off and on for years even though she had her own place in Seattle, because he wanted the free childcare). some were way too much information.
:o
Relatives/friends shouldn’t get in the middle of arguments ( unless in the case of safety issues), cause when they are mended- then there can be hard feelings elsewhere.</p>
<p>I think taking care of yourself first is excellent advice, but it can be very hard to do when you have young children- but so important.
The analogy often given to me was a parent on an airplane needing to breathe out of the oxygen mask first, because if they were unconscious they wouldn’t be able to help their child.</p>
<p>The main piece of advice I have tried to emulate and pass on to my kids, I think would be " do what you know is right".
I think we usually do know the right thing to do, but our egos, or comfort or laziness gets in the way & then afterwards we have to work hard at shutting up our little voice!</p>
<p>IMHO it allows them to shot for the Moon, but grounds them to Earth at the same time. I have found that if their dream of the best doesn’t happen they are no less motivated, and not broken in a million pieces, whereas, those that live in pipe dreams are devastated.</p>
<p>Yes, “do what you know is right,” is good advice.</p>
<p>I was also taught that with the exception of really big criminal mistakes, we always get another chance to do the right thing, and not to spend too much time dwelling on the mess-ups. :)</p>
<p>Yes, it is so easy for us (especially we women are trained to be self-sacrificing), to put everyone before us. It really doesn’t work too well when we compromise our health because we keep doing for everyone and neglect ourselves. As we get older & sometimes have needy parents as well as our kids/young adults, the balancing act can be more challenging.</p>
<p>My MIL is like your Mom, but because my Mom refused to get involved by making herself and outlaw, none of us (siblings) know squat about the others’ marriage unless we personally inform them. It makes family affairs fun, none of us have issues about our BIL or SIL since we don’t know that kind of info. Our relationships are based more on our own opinion of the mate, and not on how one sibling called in tears over a stupid fight.</p>
<p>A yr or so ago my SIL (Bullet’s sister) separated from her husband, and she bad mouthed him to the family. I stopped her when she tried to do this with me. I told her over the phone, I love you, I am here for you, but asked what happens if you reconcile? Do you want me to accept him back with open arms like you? If your answer is yes, than don’t dog him to me until it is final. I am not in love with him, he is my in-law, you are my family, I might not be as easy as you to win over again.</p>
<p>I was gonna say “pay yourself first,” but B&P beat me to it. My wonderful grandfather gave me that advice. </p>
<p>One of my other favorite tidbits is “you have to know what you want in order to get it.” I have to confess that one of my biggest pet peeves is people who B&M all the time about how miserable they are. When asked what would make them happy they say they don’t know. Well, no wonder your stuck.</p>
<p>*Yes, it is so easy for us (especially we women are trained to be self-sacrificing), to put everyone before us. It really doesn’t work too well when we compromise our health because we keep doing for everyone and neglect ourselves. As we get older & sometimes have needy parents as well as our kids/young adults, the balancing act can be more challenging.
*</p>
<p>I think this current generation, is much different- possibly why I like having the perspective of friends in their late 30’s, and I attribute that to their parents which are our age.
I was raised with women who never sat down during a meal because they were waiting on the men & so was my H. ( I married him when I was too young to realize not everyone was that way)
I always thought that was awful, but sometimes I when I was really mad, I would be just sickeningly obsequious, but my H didn’t even notice-
:rolleyes:</p>
