In terms of how human beings are designed, physically, women in their late teens, on average, have the fewest complicated deliveries and the most healthy babies.
I strongly agree with @DadTwoGirls that the single most important factor is having a stable relationship that can sustain the pressures of childrearing.
I think all the science says your 20’s are better. Less likelihood of birth defects, autism etc. I think you can make an argument that career-wise it could (or at least should) be better to just start full swing after you are done with babies. But in real life I think the early 30’s work better for most people. I had my first at age 32.5 and my second at almost 36. I was more than ready for kids at that point and it came at a natural break in my working career. (I had my first in Germany about six months before we left, so I got all the German goodies - paid maternity leave etc.) My kids seem to be on the same schedule as we were (or maybe even later) so I’m kinda wishing we weren’t going to be so old before we have grandkids if we ever do, but that’s the way it goes.
OP, please be mindful that a woman’s fertility gradually declines in the 30s, particularly after age 35.
Wait until after marriage, was the socially preferred advice we were given.
I think 30!
Had ours at 24, 26, and 28 for me, 26, 28, and 30 for H. Perfect timing in our eyes. We were young enough to enjoy them (and keep up with them!), but old enough to have a stable marriage (had been married 4 years before our first was born). We’re still young enough now to enjoy them as young adults past their college age too. My mom also had me (her second) when she was 23 and was young enough as a grandma to do many things with our kids prior to getting cancer at 74. H’s parents had him when they were 34/36 and never had the “get up and go” to do active things with our lads, though there are other things one can do, of course, and how long one has “get up and go” is quite an individual trait.
We have kids in our high school who have one or two babies… way too young IMO. I consider mid 20s to be perfect if one has found the right significant other by then, of course. If not, nothing wrong with a few more years.
We had ours in our mid 30’s and it wasn’t too bad, financially secure, not too young, not too old. We’re in our 50’s now with one finishing high school and one out of college. We both are in good health save for high cholesterol, but other then that we’re perfect! Yes, we might be older grandparents, but who cares? As long as we get to see our grandkids that’s fine with us! Our kids are under no pressure to give us grandkids though…we have fulfilling lives already
We waited until my husband was finished with his degrees and we were financially stable so I could stay home with the kids. We had three kids in our thirties. We had been married for 8 years and had a lot of fun before having kids. We were fertile, and had no problems conceiving. We have felt our timing was terrific for us.
On the other hand one of my husband’s brothers got married later in life, and he and his wife had fertility issues. He just turned 50, has a very active kindergartener and preschooler, and will be 68 when his youngest graduates college, assuming he goes straight through with no problems. He looks exhausted all the time. His wife is a few years younger younger and is very happy.
So not too young and not too old.
We didn’t get married until I was in late 20s and H in his early 40s! We had our kids soon after we married. We have no regrets as the timing worked for us.
I agree that the timing differs, depending on what you’re looking at. Having a stable marriage or relationship is essential. Financial stability is also certainly a good thing. Physical fitness of the couple is important too. As the couple ages, fertility declines and risk of birth defects and stamina to keep up with young kids rise.
When the mother is over 35 complication rates go up significantly.
Mine were born when I was 29 (dtr) and 32 (son). My first grandchild (son & DIL) is due next month, just two weeks before my son turns 29. This worked well for me, but now I realize that I will be nearly 80 when my first grand graduates from high school. Sometimes I wish I had started in my early 20s.
Is it important to be there for a grandchild’s every milestone? I don’t have any yet, but while I certainly want to see them born and get to know them, I’m not sure that I need to see them all married either.
Having children before 25 made sense when the average lifespan was under 70, but it doesn’t make sense to me now. Most 25 year olds are not mature or financially stable enough to raise children, and very few can do it without considerable stress. I’d rather see my children spend their 20s getting settled and figuring out what they want from life without the responsibility of raising a child.
If we can expect to live into our 90s, why do we need to be finished with child rearing by our 40s? What’s the rush?
No need to rush, but there are no guarantees that you will live to be in your 90s - unexpected things do happen.
I was mid 40s - I’d say the idealtime is mid-30s A few years of work experience under the belt, possibly home ownership, some savings & travel accomplished, and enough ‘youth’ left to keep up with small children!
25 and was the best decision ever!!! D is turning 18 next month and I feel so lucky to be at this stage in my life right now.
24 and 27 worked for me. We had no money, but a good relationship, and yes, I was glad to have everyone out of college while I was still in my fifties. Thought I’d be a grandmother younger, but my D ran into some hardships, though now she’s a deliriously happy mom at 36. So that’s the right age, too!
When you find out your are blessed with one.
I became a mom a few days before my 44th birthday. Not via the traditional way. I adopted. I have to admit that I was often very tired during the first few years. But I wanted to wait until after I had done all the travel and all the 80 hour work weeks I wanted. When I was younger, I really didn’t like kids all that much, at least not enough to actually want one living in my house. When I brought that tiny human home, I had acquired lots of patience and was so happy to be a mom.
My mom got pregnant with me at 39, when my siblings had already graduated high school. It was a big surprise to my parents … and back in those days, a woman giving birth at 40 was somewhat shocking,
I was almost 25, 27, and 33. I was ready and mature enough. Sometimes I wish I had established my career a bit more before marriage and kids, but it certainly wasn’t what I wanted at the time. At 55, my grandkids exhaust me.
The flip side of this question is that I’m often super happy my parents had me at 20. They are very healthy and active and have been able to be a huge part of their grandchildrens’ lives.
I struggled with infertility and it does make me sad how many people suffer so much stress over having children–too soon, too late, poor spouse, money troubles, health troubles…there’s not always a perfect combination for timing for lots of people.