Physically - 19
Emotionally/Psychologically - 35
Financially - 60
I know many people who have gone through so much, who have struggled with infertility, multiple miscarriages, and unsuccessful rounds of IVF⊠How one chooses to create a family is, and should be, a VERY personal choice.
Having said that, I also dearly wish that more people who want to become parents would consider adoption, rather than viewing it as a âlast resortâ or consolation prize. Itâs a wonderful way to build a family.
Original OP , with her/his first post hasnât responded.
We cant use that name for theses postersâŠ
I see a lot of comments regarding fertility and difficulties at later ages. In fact there are many many women who have kids and conceive very easily in their 30s and even later and many who have difficulties in their twenties. Until someone tries they just wonât know. Statistically maybe. But I honestly think itâs over rated and also depends on the health of the women in question. We have many friends who relied on science to create their families and I know women who have as many kids as they want when they want. I think more studies are needed.
For people who are ready in their 20âs, 30, or 40âs great. I wouldnât suggest teens nor past 40âs. Some people arenât ready to settle down in their 20s or even 30âs. Some want kids right away. Pros and cons to each. But I know people who were born to teen moms and a friend whose husband has kids from 8-48 and it works for them.
I think it would depend on the person. Some people might have to wait longer to be truly ready ( i.e. have a stable financial situation, be ready for the challenges of parenthood, and be ready to no longer be the main focus of their lives) and some people might be ready much earlier in life. Iâm also not saying that if you donât have these things you canât be a successful parent but they do help.
I just have to say, that I am turning 60 this year didnât have my first until I was 29 and I am STILL plenty young enough and energetic enough to enjoy my own kids without any limitations (I can outrun a couple of them too!) and though no grandchildren yet, if I had them I am would not be too decrepit to play with them just as we did our own.
No one knows what life deals them at any age. But starting your family after 30 does not make you âtoo oldâ to enjoy your kids as they grow and as they are young adults!!
The advice my mom gave my sister to.this very question (which was NOT the answer sis was looking for) was " When you canât stand not to." Which made perfect sense to me. YMMV
My oldest came on my 30th birthday. That was the perfect age for me! 
My mom was 32 when she had me and no, she was nowhere near old. Sheâs turning 60 in a few days and she goes to the gym every day. Sheâs going to outlive me by decades lol. My parents had also both just gotten out of really bad marriages and were dead broke. Both had solid careers though so figured theyâd make it work. (And they did until my dadâs accident but thatâs another story.)
On the flip side, all of my grandparents were young when they had my parents. My momâs parents still died when I was 3 (of health issues) and my dadâs parents have never really had a relationship with me. I just met my grandmother for the first time last year though we have grown closer now that Iâm nearly 30 and sheâs⊠much older than that.
And like I said before, weâre both 28 and struggling with infertility. And no, it has nothing to do with my illness. Nothing that I have impacts fertility. So keep that in mind when you are deciding when is the ârightâ time.
FWIW, my 28 isnât the same as other peopleâs 28. Our 28 is my partner and I have been together 8 years, married almost 4 of them, have had a house for a couple of years, and both have relatively steady jobs. My SIL who is 28 and her husband who is 31 live in our in-lawsâ basement and donât have a steady source of income.
At 28, my sister was adamant that she would NEVER have a kid and wasnât sure she ever wanted to get married. She was financially stable but never wanted to give up partying and traveling. Sheâs 32 now and just had my nephew a few months ago with her husband who is in his 40s.
I,OTOH, disagree completely with âwhenever it happensâ being a blanket answer. Not every pregnancy is a blessing. Not every child is perfectly timed. And thatâs OK, itâs OK to decide that a pregnancy isnât the right time to have a child.
We had ours at 25, 28 and 44 (full siblings and yes, youngest was a big shocker 2 years from empty nest.) At least for us, the pros and cons with age balance out the overall experience. Each strength is accompanied by a weakness. I often hear older moms ripping on younger ones and vice versa but honestly, I see little difference between them. New parents, young or old or right in the middle all have to travel the same path and few experiences prior to parenthood really prepare you for it.
Financial stability comes up a lot but there is more to that too. Young parents often have to MAKE the opportunities they canât hire out and thatâs a pretty great lesson to model. I actually worry about our littlest having too much/too easy and we find ourselves purposefully holding back because we want this kid to work, and give and appreciate and think twice about how they spend their money like our older two do. Itâs nice not to worry about a roof over your head but itâs also nice when your kids consider what part piano lessons play in a tight budget and to appreciate the opportunity.
First baby before 30 for women is the guidance I followed, narrowly missing the deadline at 29 for my first. We werenât rich but we had careers and a bit of property. Iâm glad I didnât wait longer.
Men should have babies before 50, when the quality of sperm begins to decline.
Nonetheless, a loved child is a gift and I donât begrudge others for their choices. There is no perfect life, no right answer. I wish all those trying the best of luck!
This reminds me of the phrase, âif youth only knew, if age only couldâ. The ideal time physically is probably in your early-ish 20s. But do you want to settle down with a child while youâre that young?
OTOH, when youâre more mature and financially stable you might be 38 or so. Do you really want to be chasing a toddler in your 40s?
@greenwitch Great points. I have a 3-yr old niece and a 4-month old nephew, and Iâm in my early 40s thinking, âOh, boy, so glad they are not mine and chasing them is just funâ! It sure felt different in my 20s with D. But everyone finds their own best age. 
I had a lot more energy to do more with our kids when they were younger. Theyâre 29/31 now and we atill enjoy them but are glad they are enjoying their lives (traveling, dining out, being adventurous). When/if they decide to start their families weâd like to help as much as we can but no promisss on how much energy we will have.
Yes, as mentioned above, I have come to realize that one downside of delaying a family is that we are likely, later on, to be older grandparents. I had my âtwo only childrenâ almost six years apart, when I was 33 and almost 39. I liked the spacing, as each child had a lot of attention and I was not overwhelmed with two little ones at one time. But that had me becoming a grandparent for the first time at 65, and my eventual second set of grandchildren (courtesy of second-child son and his wife) may not come into the picture until I am 70-ish. I envy my younger grandparent friends.
Your body needing to handle a pregnancy is a 9 month job. (overall). Your life needing to handle a pregnancy-baby is a 20ish year job. You can get through 9 months of inconvenience, difficulty, roadblocks easier than 20 years!! Put more focus on being socially, emotionally, fiscally ready!
had my four 28 - 38. I felt 38 was a little harder than 28. (35+ = advanced maternal age).
My friend (small town) saw several friends who were grandmas at age 38 at her 20th HS reunion.
So that was our conversation: rather be a new mom at 38 or a grandma?! (i say new mom!)
I had my first at 35, literally got pregnant the month I went off the pill and we started trying. I had friends who tried for years starting in their 20s. You really canât predict fertility issues. I was not an athletic child, and quite honestly, I was more active and fit at 35 than at any point before that. Emotionally and financially we were also ready as we were past our selfish stages and ready to devote time and energy (and money) to a child. As far as the grandparent issue, you really never know when youâll die. tutukids started life with only three grandparents because my father died when I was a child. All remaining grandparents are still alive and actively involved in the grandkidsâ lives.
Because of a late marriage and fertility issues I was 41 with three kids under 3 1/2. But because I had those three toddlers running around me all the time people assumed I was ten years younger than I really was! Thank goodness for hair dye.
I had kids in my 20s, 30s, and 40s-- I would say 20s, no question. Even though we were poor and still in grad school, we had better health, more energy. Younger grandparents can be a blessing, too, (not so much in our case living awayâŠ) and you then have a chance at younger grandparenthood yourself.
In general, pregnancy risks/complications do increase after 35. Although many older moms have no problems, that was not my experience. From age 25-36, I had 5 pregnancies, 5 uncomplicated deliveries/healthy babies. From age 38-45 I had 5 more pregnancies, resulting in only 2 live births. With one of those, I had pregnancy complications/low birthweight baby. With the other I had massive bleeding after the delivery. (The others were 2 miscarriages, and a stillbirth caused by a bad placenta.)
My oldest son and his wife just had their first baby, our first grandchild. Only 10 mo before that, Hâs brother and his wife had their 2nd kid at 52(him)/44(her). Seems weird that B-i-l will be 70 when the kid graduates from high school. They did have lots of âmeâ time earlier because they married late in life. With our big family it is a 40-year haul. My 14 and 17yo are wearing me out, but maybe thatâs not because Iâm older, but because Iâve already done this so many times.