<p>Unlike most Southerners, we did not take our parents into our home, and luckily, the funds were there to get them in home care or placement in a facility. But still, we felt the need to check in on them, not move away in case they needed us. I have never ever expected my son to take us in, and he knows that. But my husband’s brother lives on the other side of the country, and his involvement in parents’ care was minimal. He was able to travel extensively and live in wonderful cities. I can see why my son would want the life he had, rather than the one we did. However, son is an only child, so we know that we have to have care in place for ourselves when the time comes, which is why I want to relocate to a place that has good elder facilities, so I can transition there very easily when the time comes.</p>
<p>Why can’t you just tell your son “Dibs on MSP, if you want to live there, be aware that we intend to be there at some time.” You can’t be expected to wait until he’s settled 10 or more years from now and then pick a place close enough but not too close! He’s just a grad student - his location might change 10 or more times in the next 20 years. Do what’s best for you. </p>
<p>Montegut, I get what your son is saying . Taking care of elderly parents is a pain in the butt and life is short. We cant stop our parents from decaying away and that is the big issue. I can move my parents a few blocks away but it doesnt change the fact that they are growing weaker and weaker. </p>
<p>I have always wanted to settle in Pensacola, but never thought that was realistic. Having been through Katrina, I really do not want to settle in a hurricane area. I do want to settle some place that is near air travel, so that when grandchildren come, I can visit them easily, ie, not have to get in a car and drive for two days. There is much to explore in the world, and I hope I can stay healthy long enough to enjoy some of it before the sunset comes.</p>
<p>Montegut, I think your son may revisit this issue. I am the parent of an only child and I know it was hard for her watching me scramble to watch over my very old dad and stepmother. She’s only 18 and it sounds like your son is a little older, but he’s still just a kid in thinking about dealing with the demise of his parents. I believe that for myself, it took becoming a parent to be able to be responsible for my parent. Knock wood that this issue won’t come up for many years to come.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, there’s certainly nothing wrong with calling dibs on Minneapolis!</p>
<p>Seems like you’ve listed excellent reasons for wanting to relocate. A great quality of life can be had in MN. I’d go for it. Nothing saying your S will remain in MN anyway. Agree with oldmom that your S may reconsider as he matures. Nothing like having some kids of his own to realize the value of parents (and potential baby sitters 
) nearby</p>
<p>I think your son is being kind of a jerk about this. It’s one thing to tell you he doesn’t want responsibility for your care, another to tell you where you cannot live. I’d tell him tough luck kiddo, we’re living where we choose, and we will plan on spending your inheritance on long term care insurance. And vacations.</p>
<p>I’d tell him, “Tough sh*t. Your dad and I are moving where we want to move. You’ll be long gone by the time dad and I need help so don’t get yourself all worked up about nothing.” I might also add “I think you are ungrateful, spoiled and selfish child. I diapered your little booty and fed you and nursed you from ill health and this, this, THIS is how you repay me!!!..” A little guilt can be a good thing! LOL</p>
<p>You sound like a good Catholic mom, anxiousmom! Look, I don’t expect my kids to diaper and spoon feed me. I don’t want them to. But I do expect them to visit me every now and then, make sure I’m okay (I will not give them a hard time), and love me forever. And if they don’t like that I’m living too close to them, they can feel free to move away. Though I doubt they would consider that as a negative.</p>
<p>Montegut, that sounds so sad. I wonder if your son feels he would have to stay put if you moved near him? Isn’t he still single?</p>
<p>I moved to FL to have parents nearby, and my son benefitted from their love for years. The last years of their lives, we were definitely involved in their care. I suspect there is resentment there too. It will probably be many more years until son is settled, so I won’t broach the subject. Honestly, there has been no major hurricane in 9 years, so I am not leaving FL any time soon. If my son settles in a cold weather area, and/or an expensive place, I’ll be a frequent visitor. Perhaps because I am single, I cannot imagine relocating and looking for new jobs and friends and doctors.</p>
<p>At 77, my mom has finally decided to retire and is building a gorgeous new home in Hot Springs Village, Arkansas. Beautiful area, relatively affordable, decent health care available in Little Rock (about 45 minutes away). And, a plus for me since I live overseas, she has plenty of relatives near by to help her out, should she need it. And my brother and I are already planning to share the house as a vacation home after mom dies (which will probably be in her 90s, if family history repeats itself). </p>
<p>That being said, she never would have moved if the grandkids were still around. We loved having her and my dad around when the kids were little. And both of my kids still go to her home for university breaks. They are so close. So H and I know that we will end up near one or more of our kids so that we can be involved with our grandchildren. Of course, at this point, the closest we might get is raising gay son’s cats. :)</p>
<p>Often times adult children of Florida retirees will move to Florida to be near their retired parents. The problem with this is that many Florida retirement communities are removed from Florida metro areas because land and development costs for the retirement communities were cheaper, but good jobs opportunities out in the Florida sticks are limited for the relocating adult children.</p>
<p>Wow, lots of interesting posts here.</p>
<p>My dream is to retire out west. The Sierras are my idea of heaven (for backpacking and hiking), so being close to them would be terrific. However, I am sure there are other places that are comparable, that I don’t know about. Basically, I’d very much like to be by the mountains.</p>
<p>Other likely factors influencing my relocation include the cost of living and a preference for a university town. </p>
<p><a href=“http://www.outsideonline.com/adventure-travel/north-america/united-states/california/Outside-University--The-Top-40.html”>http://www.outsideonline.com/adventure-travel/north-america/united-states/california/Outside-University--The-Top-40.html</a></p>
<p>I lived quite far from my parents. As they aged, it became apparent that I needed to be around more often. I didn’t move near them, but it did move one of them near me (parents are divorced). </p>
<p>I agree with others…find a place where you wish to reside. The Twin Cities area is a huge metro area. The reality is that if you live on the opposite side of town, you might as well be in another state…it won’t be a quick drive to visit.</p>
<p>We have discussed the residences of our kids…and we do not plan to use them in our decision making process at all. They are like gnats. We don’t expect either of them to reside in one place forever.</p>
<p>LOL, Thumper. “Like gnats!”. One of mine is like that, and flies far afield for sure. However, we like our kids and the kids like us… not to mention, the loving 'em part. I would feel absolutely bereft if they indicated that they did not want us living near them! 
As it is now, we are all too far apart in terms of distance, but plenty close with the help of phone calls and Skype. </p>
<p>I don’t think you have to not retire to MSP if you want to go there. Jeez. It’s one thing if he doesn’t want to plan to stay around you or move you into his place, it’s insane for him to expect you to avoid places for his sake. I hope you didn’t go into ANY debt at all for him. It wouldn’t have been worth it.</p>
<p>dstark, thanks for the Outside Magazine link. Great stuff!</p>
<p>ShawWife and I are not of one mind on the kind of place we’d like to live in as we get older. Neither of us expects to retire, so being near a real airport is important for me and being near a community of productive high level artists is important to her. I’d love mountains. She loves water. [I say tomato …]. She’s Canadian and has been thinking about Vancouver Island. We’ve not yet visited, though I love Vancouver (which is definitely not for those on a budget).</p>
<p>If I were choosing just for me and focused on keeping costs low, I might think about Albuquerque or Las Cruces or someplace in NM where costs are low and there is lots of sun. Maybe Sandia. With less financial constraints, I think we might like Boulder. We have friends who are extremely happening in Oregon. We currently live in one expensive city for real estate (Boston) and one of our children is there and the other is the Bay Area (which is even more expensive). Both are in school but both will have degrees that are in high demand. If they choose to stay in those areas, we will try to find a way to spend winters in a nice place in California and the rest of the year in a downsized house in the town in which we live. But, Thumper is probably right that the kids will be mobile.</p>
<p>Nevermind----</p>