Best practices for dating after divorce or widowhood? Experiences?

<p>I thought I'd move the higher level issues of the other more contentious thread out here in the open. Has anyone here dealt with or read about or known someone who dealt with the issues well? Dating after divorce or widowhood - specifically with teens and college-age children, as those are the population of the kids of the parents posting here.</p>

<p>Well I'm not a parent, but I know of single parents who enjoy an active dating life. Now many of these parents have since remarried, and it's interesting, most of them were women and are now married to rich guys in mansions and are living in the lap of luxury. Their children, on the other hand, do seem to get into more trouble than children of two-parent homes. Oh well, I personally think it can work but it's a gamble</p>

<p>I have seen two 50+ friends find AMAZING love and happiness in the past few years. The divorcee found love through an executive dating service--really! The widow found love with a widower from her circle of friends.</p>

<p>The key to finding love for a woman at 50+ appears to be : financial and emotional independence--and physical vitality--active in sports of some sort. Both women found love 12 to 24 months after the loss of their first husbands. </p>

<p>Teenagers adjust. It's not the dating that hurts them--it's the loss of their original family unit.</p>

<p>From a teenager's perspective:</p>

<p>Don't introduce everybody to your kids. Your kids should not be involved in your dating life. Relationship life, sure (they should know your long-term parters), but dating? We just don't want to know about it. Wait until you've been dating someone for a while (at leeaast a couple of months, probably more) before letting them meet/hang out with your kids. </p>

<p>I'm really grateful to my parents for doing's just one less thing to put us through, you know?</p>

<p>Also if your kids hate your new girl/boyfriend...listen to them. There are other fish in the dating sea, but you only get so many kids. Oh, but if you aren't sure you and the g/bf are going to last more than a few months or something along those lines? Don't let your kids get attached. </p>

<p>Don't comment on your ex-spouse's new love interest negatively in front of your kids. You don't have to live with the other person, but they might, and your opinion does matter to them. If you show that you hate the other person, your kids will feel guilty if they like/get along with him/her, and not getting along with him/her will just make things harder for your kids (which you don't want). </p>

<p>I hope that helps...good luck.</p>

<p>Seole had great advice. My parents seperated a few days before i turned 16, and I know that i wanted my mom to date again. it was hard to see her lonely and sad, and I also wanted her to not be home alone on weekend nights.</p>

<p>I don't know about waiting a few months to introduce people though. You should be sure they will be around for more than a date, but after 3 or 4 dates, i would think an introduction would be fine. This is how my mom played the situation. Do wait a few months to include the new relationship in family events, these can be hard to see sometimes.</p>

<p>I agree the kids should be left out of it. Even if the relationship advances to a serious committment the kids should be left to move in their own direction, not be too much a player and kept at arm's distance by the new parent. There are so many issues which can develop and the teen/grown child has their own loyalties. Resentments can develop when the 'new' parent wants to get involved in the teen/grown child's life and/or assert control. This can all result inan absolute nightmare. Their opinion really never matters to the child/teen/grown adult. </p>

<p>I speak from experience.</p>

<p>My parents will be getting divorced in the not-too-distant future, and I'm worried about how my dad will react to being single again. In the 22 years that they've been together, my mom has put him through absolute hell (verbal, emotional, and physical abuse). I'm so proud of him for finally taking steps to get out of what is undeniably a destructive relationship, and I'd love for him to find a mutually fulfilling one instead, but I'm worried about him. He was only 19 when he got involved with my mom, which means he's basically spent most of his adult life being told that he's worthless/the spawn of Satan/a general life-ruiner. He's also very good at repressing emotions, and I think he copes with some of it by being a workaholic (he's very successful and respected in his profession), which worries me. I'm sure it's none of my business, and there's really nothing I could do about it even if it were, but he's been been through so much already and I just want to see him happy.</p>

<p>Sorry, that really didn't have much to do with the question, but it's something I've been thinking about since seeing the original "dating after divorce" thread a few days ago.</p>