What are the best signs that a student is mature / responsible enough to move off campus? Obviously there will be a transition and adjustment. What makes a student ready to move off (other than not liking dining hall food and communal baths) and what are some signs that they should stay on campus another year? Thanks in advance.
Child pays bills on time.
I am not big on the rush to move off campus – at some schools they now need a car (another expense and responsibility) and often times the rent is year round. Then there is the damage that can happen, especially with boys. I have seen that with numerous of my friends kids-- one kid left the window open the entire winter break and they heated the outside.
My first apartment was after I graduated which I found, put down the deposit and paid for myself – I didn’t need one during college paid for by my parents. Studying, having a job and taking care of my laundry was enough no need to add shopping and cleaning and all of that.
It really depends on the college. At some its almost impossible to get a dorm after freshman or sophomore year and its “ready or not here they come” time. At others, its easy to stay in the dorm, so being ready to cook and manage expenses can be more easily evaluated.
Moving off campus is the time they grow up and learn how to do a lot of those things that they don’t know, but are ready to learn - for some kids there is a point they are just too grown up to be in a dorm. Put yourself in your kids shoes, would you really want to be in a “summer camp” living situation for a couple years, with random people in your bathroom? Some would, some would lose their mind. Not liking dorm food and communal living is enough of a reason to move on. But parents have to be prepared too, because with it comes you playing back up, particularly if you are paying bills (making sure no late fees, etc.)
From my experience the kids that move off campus and learn to manage themselves, the people they live with, and how to buy their own toilet paper etc., seem to grow the most after the four years and are ready to go to the real world much more prepared.
I wonder if there is a correlation between kids who move off campus v. stay on campus with what % move back home after college (of course given that they can live elsewhere financially). My guess is kids that live off campus would have a harder time moving back home, that ship has sailed as they say.
@blueskies2day I WAS in their shoes – lived in a dorm situation for 4 years and never felt like I was missing something. And the dorms today are way more like apartments in many campuses than we ever had the chance to experience. There are suites with several bedrooms, common areas and a bathroom.
My SD lives in one of these and still seems to think she just HAS to get an off campus apartment-- so it doesn’t matter what you give them, they still want more/different. And they want it with our wallets.
I had an apartment and that responsibility soon enough with MY wallet and nothing had me learning more quickly than THAT. Honestly not liking dorm food is a problem of the privileged IMO – and having to be back up as parent is EXACTLY my issue.
With a dorm you pay the fee and you know they are housed and fed-- no worry about not enough money for milk or toilet paper.
I learned how to manage myself and buy toilet paper really quickly - it wasn’t that big a learning curve. I moved out of my parents 3 months after graduating and adjusted fine.
When my kids wanted to move off campus…I asked why. Both were able to give me good reasons for doing so. Both had already researched costs, places that might be suitable, possible roommates, etc.
They were ready.
IMO the best sign that the kids are ready to move off campus is that they ask to move off campus.
Whether it is a good idea or not really depends on the school and the difference in the cost of housing/food between being on campus and off campus as well as the availability of suitable housing near campus. The vast majority of 19-20 year olds are perfectly capable of living in their own apartment, cooking their own food, cleaning up after themselves, and managing their own schools. In the absence of mental/physical issues I would say that college is the perfect time to move to independent living.
What thumper said - they should start planning and researching options, if you have to do it all for them, they aren’t ready. For us, the S that got apartment after first year grew up a lot more than the other that stayed in dorm longer. Maybe it is up to each kid, but I think the moving off campus kids learn responsibility better and earlier. Not saying it is the right thing to do for everyone, just different.
Our D down at UIUC moved off campus her second year there. She and her roommate joined a bunch of other students and rented a large two-story apartment building, remodeled with students in mind.
The building has a key code entry, is well lit, has a few reserved parking spaces. There is a large, furnished common living area and kitchen on each floor. The cabinets in the kitchen have locks which correspond with the room key.
Each bedroom, either single or double, has a private bath attached. The bedrooms are furnished as well. I think the utlilites are straight forward and might be included in the rent. I’d have to ask. But, it’s very “easy” and student friendly. Like a mini dorm, but swankier. There’s a pool table! And porch. It’s right on the bus line, and a short walk from a decent grocery store (also accessable by bus).
It’s NOTHING like the dumps college students tended to live in when I was in school back in the early 80s.
I think, in answer to your question, a lot depends on where they want to live, with whom, what the living space is like, what about transportation and safety issues, etc.
Our D is saving money this year living off campus vs. being in the dorms last year. We take care of tuition and fees, but room & board is on her, so she was motivated to find some savings.
Also, there’s the factor of whether they can even GET on campus housing. At many universities priority actually goes to Freshman. There is simply not enough room for most upperclassman to remain on campus and the school doesn’t make it easy for them to stay (e.g., UMich)
Yes, this will vary widely across schools. One of ours stayed on campus all 4 years, as did 95% of the students. One moved off campus her senior year, and planned it and moved herself there. Son came home for Thanksgiving his freshman year and said he had found an apartment with 3 other students for the following school year. It was very common there to move off and he was very close to the school, within walking distance and the college even ran a shuttle bus through the apartment complex to campus. It was actually cheaper for him to live off campus than in the dorm.
None of them had cars and they still don’t have cars even though 2 have graduated!
I agree with ProudPatriot. They asked, we said OK. We have rental property so I wasn’t worried about them being “bad tenants” or not paying their bills etc…they’ve been hearing about lousy tenants and tenants skipping out on utility bills all their life and cleaning apartments tenants had deserted dirty and full of junk. It saved us money and the kids ate healthier buying and making their own food (they all had restaurant backgrounds from high school and college jobs) than when they were freshman and eating food vendor food.
The most important conversation with them was simply to run down the list of potential fire hazards to be on the look-out for , a reminder not to pick a bedroom without great egress and a quick look at the heating system plus a reminder if it was baseboard heat not to leave any clothes etc. touching the baseboards.
What @momofthreeboys said. In some towns (Boston, for example), there are slumlords who prey on college students, renting shoddy apartments with multiple code violations at outrageous prices. Make sure your child knows the risks and more importantly, knows the rights and responsibilities of a tenant.
Asking to move and telling us up front who he wanted to live with and how much they wanted to spend. Their price point was reasonable, and well below the “Club Med” type complexes that had just sprung up. And the guys he was going to live with were known entities, good guys. So we felt like they’d done some basic legwork and had reasonable expectations. Then they visited complexes and we talked over pluses and minuses… avg utility cost, on a bus line, quiet vs party complex, etc. He kept us in the loop but didn’t overly involve us. This was junior year, they only guarantee freshman housing but he stayed another year in a frat dorm. So he was ready to get off on his own.
Big pluses we found were having a room to himself helped study habits (typically didn’t have to go off and find a place to study) and he’s generally been healthier not living in a small 2 person dorm room. Their dorms are old and while kept up OK, they’re not at all luxurious. Very small and basic, heating iffy at times and no a/c.
“Mom, Dad, I’ve got an apartment/house lined up to move into next year close to campus with my three good friends at X dollars. We’ve decided how to split rent and utilities. It’s already to go but needed to ask you first to make sure it’s okay with you and see what you think about it.”
That’s pretty much how it went.
At my sons school the kids do not have a choice. The dorms are filled with freshman and transfer students and everyone else has to get a apartment after one year on campus. There are thousands of apartments and they have a campus bus service that services all of them. For his school apartments are just extensions of the dorms. My niece goes to our state flagship university and it is the exact same way. I’m sure things are much different at smaller schools.
I went to college at age 16 and moved off campus at age 17.
Here is the “sign” my parents got: a phone call from me in the spring informing them that I was moving off campus the following year with 3 girl friends, that they had found an apartment only a block away from campus – and the good news was that my share of the rent was way less expensive than dorm fees
I didn’t ask their permission. (So kind of like what @gouf78 reported in post #15, except without the asking for permission part.)
It was a long time ago but if my parents had even known half of what went on routinely in the dorms I’d think they would have been much relieved to know that I was removing myself from that environment.
The issue didn’t really come up with my kids. My D wanted to move off campus after her first year but her college’s need-based financial aid system had a policy that they wouldn’t subsidize off campus housing. We couldn’t afford the loss of financial aid dollars.
Remember that the parents often have to sign the lease. If it is an expensive college town, be ready for a shock. My nephew lives on The Hill in Boulder and my sister asked me to look at the lease. The lease is for 11 months and 20 days. All leases are, and everyone needs somewhere to store stuff for 10 days. The lease is for the entire term, so like $50k. You can pay it all at once (right) or monthly for an extra fee. There is a cleaning fee, a re-keying fee, a utility fee, a snow removal fee, a trash fee. If the landlord doesn’t like something, he’ll fine you or the city will. There is a fee for everything but don’t worry, your security deposit is $7000 so those fees will just be deducted. That’s right, 7 grand and I figured if they were perfect they might get 1/2 of it back. I think there are 4 who split everything, but might be 5.
D#2 was required to live on campus through sophomore year (although a lot of kids get out of it) and I was glad she did. If it weren’t for the required meal plan (very expensive) I’d have liked her to live on campus all 4 years. She lives very close, in a house, and it’s a pretty good deal. One girl is graduating and there are 4-5 girls trying to take her spot. She doesn’t have a car but most of her friends, and her boyfriend, do. The girl who is leaving has been responsible for the rent, utilities, insurance and has dealt with the landlord (or really her mother does). I told my daughter I didn’t want to be the banker next year. The mother who does it lives about an hour away and it’s convenient for her.
Other daughter moved from the dorm to the sorority house. I love it. I pay one fee for room, board, and dues, and it is cheaper than the dorm was. Daughter took last spring off to do a Disney program and is about to go to study abroad, and she didn’t have to find a sublet or forfeit any deposit. Simple. I like simple. Many of her friends from the dorm lived in apartment style housing as sophomores. It’s owned by the University and I think each kid is only responsible for his own rent, not the entire apartment. Utilities included. No parents signing the lease.