Yeah, this myth that classes are mostly curved, particularly bell curved, is wrong. My CS program doesn’t curve the first year introductory sequence at all. Once you get to upper-level classes (Algorithms, Theory of Computation, OOD), then you start seeing those significant curves.
Again, most CS departments should be project based homework - none of those programs are incredibly special in that regard.
In terms of a “cutthroat” environment, UCB has some good suggestions there.
As others have said, there really isn’t going to be a CS program that’s “better for women” in terms of academics - a balanced or more balanced gender ratio and/or a good support network is what you would want to look for. My school has a lot of good clubs and organizations centered around women in technology, and we have a pretty decent and rising gender ratio in the program.
Main Point: figure out exactly the features of the program you are looking for are, and narrow by those. However, in general, nearly all CS programs will assume no prior programming knowledge.