Best way to do this?

College Essays
1

<p>I have this in my essay right now:
My exposure to mental health issues through personal experience of depression has inspired me to study neuroscience.</p>

<p>My school’s head GC said to leave it vague and just say:
My exposure to mental health issues has inspired me to study neuroscience. </p>

<p>Other people who don’t know me as well have said to leave the sentence out and just say:
I am also interested in neuroscience. </p>

<p>I was also advised to say “refer to additional information section” in parentheses after mental health issues. </p>

<p>I have talked about my recovery/treatment of depression in the additional information section… </p>

<p>What is the best way?</p>

2

<p>My school’s head GC said to leave it vague and just say:
My exposure to mental health issues has inspired me to study neuroscience. </p>

<p>best</p>

3

<p>I agree with boomr.</p>

4

<p>Okay, thanks. But isn’t it evasive? That was the main point that I was worried about.</p>

5

<p>I understand the argument of not advertising your own depression. At the same time, the best essays tell a lot about who you really are. I think being vague is a compromise that won’t lead to a strong essay. Being specific is risky. Either write a great essay that overcomes the risk or choose a different topic.</p>

6

<p>The sentence is the only mention of anything of the kind, and it’s only to say I’m interested in neuroscience… It’s actually for a “Why this school?” type of essay in which the main focus is talking about how the neuroscience matches what I want.</p>

7

<p>Just saying I am interested in neuroscience doesn’t tell the reader why. </p>

<p>“My exposure to mental health issues through personal experience of depression has inspired me to study neuroscience.”</p>

<p>has too many words and sounds try-hard. </p>

<p>"My exposure to mental health issues has inspired me to study neuroscience. "</p>

<p>Is just the right balance.</p>

8

<p>If you’ve got a good essay that answers the question well and is complete without mention of your depression, just leave it out. I doubt readers will think you’re being evasive, now that I see you have mentioned the elsewhere in the app - there’s no reason to mention it twice. On the other hand, if the match is because of your own situation then it is probably being evasive.</p>

9

<p>Okay, thanks so much for the advice!</p>

10

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</p>

<p>I like this best. Or you could make it more positive and talk about how thinking about your own brain and why you think the way you do has made you want to study neuroscience. Without context I would have no clue as to what “my exposure to mental health issues” means. It’s so vague it doesn’t say anything, and it’s sort of distracting. It gives me the impression that you’re trying to hide something.</p>