<p>Not infrequently, a student will state on one of these forums that it is those kids who didn’t drink in high school who go wild with alcohol once they are in college. This study refutes that claim and shows the influence of parents:</p>
<p>[Keep</a> tabs on teens to prevent college drinking | Health | Reuters](<a href=“http://www.reuters.com/article/healthNews/idUSCOL26515020080312]Keep”>http://www.reuters.com/article/healthNews/idUSCOL26515020080312)</p>
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<p>It was my experience in college that those who had already introduced alcohol into their life and especially into their social life/partying in HS (1) continued that choice in college and (2) were more likely to over-indulge than those who didn’t party in HS with alcohol.</p>
<p>I’ve always thought this was true. Seems to me it’s the partiers trying to justify their ways who claim otherwise.</p>
<p>Kids who drink will continue to drink. Most kids who find fun other ways will continue to find fun other ways. Some will try drinking a few times, then go back to their mostly-sober ways. And a few will migrate over to the drinking side… but NOT most, just a few.</p>
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<p>That is born out in the statistics relating to alcoholism. </p>
<p>Those who first drink after age 18 have a much smaller incidence of alcoholism than those who started drinking before age 18. And, those who wait until age 21, have even a smaller incidence. </p>
<p>It makes sense to me that if you have been in college since, say, age 18 and have not started to drink, alcohol isn’t a necessary part of your life/social experience. Hence, getting wasted and drinking consistantly probably isn’t something that person will choose to start at 21.</p>
<p>I am the first one to admit to parenting mistakes, so I’m not making excuses for myself or my kid, but you are very naive if you don’t think there are huge numbers of high school (and younger) kids drinking up a storm, despite “close parental supervision”. Entire cheerleader squads are busted with vodka in their water bottles! Prep school dorms have cases of Propel “water” which is actually vodka. If a kid wants to drink in high school, there are plenty of opportunities, no matter how close the parents hover. And the majority of high school kids experiment with alcohol. In college plenty of these same kids continue on the same path, and some non-drinkers in high school get carried away with their new freedom and go off the deep end. If you want to pat yourselves on the back and believe that good parenting can prevent alcohol abuse in college OR high school, can I sell you some land?</p>
<p>Mom- I believe that parental denial is rampant and therefore agree with some of your argument. However, my community has had several instances of parents either procuring alcohol for their teenagers, making an empty house available for a long weekend for their teenagers, or otherwise making questionable parenting decisions (allowing a group of 16 year olds to spend a w/end at someone’s empty beach house with the host’s 19 year old son and GF as chaperones.) Some of these have ended in tragedy (one kid brain dead after a fight; two near fatal accidents; the date rapes tend to get covered up by the girls parents for obvious reasons.) Some of these I’m sure end up fine although it still seems irresponsible to me and the law agrees… the parents reason that kids drinking in my kitchen is preferred to kids drinking in some skanky bar. ??? What’s up with that?</p>
<p>I don’t think that good parenting prevents alcohol or drug abuse. I do know that narcissistic parenting, inability to set appropriate limits, laziness, need to be “cool” to a group of teenagers, etc. can and does lead to tragedy. The solution is not more hovering-- but perhaps less of the downright incompetent parenting would be a start.</p>
<p>MOWC, sad but true. In my crew there are more than a few “stunned” parents who are just now “hearing” anecdotally what their little darlings were doing in high school now that everyone is packed off to college and we’re all being more open about some things. I was even stunned when my Son #1 told me last year that he was offered his first beer at age 15. Although my husband told me over and over again that the sneakiest kids are the smart ones that get good grades. The dumb ones get caught.</p>
<p>D was making the case in a paper she was writing, that the legal drinking age in the US should be lower, as it is in Europe. She felt that the European approach to alcohol consumption would teach kids to drink moderately and responsibly-rather than binging-and would reduce the temptation to over-indulge when parental and legal restrictions were removed. When she began looking for supporting data comparing rates of alcoholism and alcohol abuse amongst teenagers in the US and Europe, and comparing the death and injury rates associated with alcohol consumption among teens, etc…she discovered that the data did not support her hypothesis. The picture was much more complicated that she realized-access to public transportation vs. driving, for example, played a role in the accident and injury rates. She also discovered studies that show kids who drink, think that other kids drink more heavily and more frequently than they actually do. It’s a form of self-justification for their own behavior, in fact. D had to rethink her views. So, my point (at last) is that when you kid makes arguments about drinking behaviors-ask them to prove it. The results may surprise them.</p>
<p>i am a high school senior. i got drunk for the first time over the summer before junior year. i don’t don’t drink that much, and i’m certainly not a crazy party animal when i do. </p>
<p>i have to say, that i’m VERY glad that i will enter college with this experience. i konw my limit, i know what tp expect, etc. i think this is the fault with this data. </p>
<p>the first time i drank, i was with friends who looked out for me who were sover. i think that it is important for kids that know they will drink in college, to drink before college too. </p>
<p>kids that know they aren’t going to drink until 21, or ever, in highschool don’t party in college either. it’s the kids that don’t drink in highschool for whatever reason, and can’t wait to get to college to have “fun” that go crazy in college. of course i don’t have any numbers to back this up, but i have seen this scenario played out several times with past graduates from my school. </p>
<p>it is important to have experience drinking before you go to college if you are going to drink in college.</p>
<p>I am not happy with the drinking that goes on in high school and college. I think there is tremendous alcohol abuse. I also agree that it is negligent for a parent to permit high school drinking parties at their homes or be negligent in leaving their homes unattended for parties to be held.</p>
<p>I am simply stating the reality. The reality is that kids drink. Lots of kids drink and they drink a lot. I drank in high school- quite a bit on occasion. I’m glad nothing bad happened to me or my friends. It certainly could have. My parents didn’t have a clue how much we were drinking. They were busy drinking themselves (it was the martini generation). I was a top student and in the high school band. So were all my drinking friends! I think things have gotten worse. There is more traffic, there are cell phones, there are drinking games and more weeknight drinking. I actually was pretty prepared for the freedoms of college and didn’t go nearly as overboard as some of my college friends did. I still drank and went to parties, but I also went to class and got good grades. Not everyone I knew was able to manage that!</p>
<p>MOWC, you may be right, but that doesn’t mean we throw up our hands and give up. “Oh well, teens are gonna drink, what are you going to do?” and look the other way, which is the reaction of too many parents. I know my kids aren’t perfect, but I’m going to make it pretty darn hard for them to drink, and be sure they know what the consequences will be if they do.</p>
<p>Last month, a few neighborhoods over from ours, two sets of parents went away for the weekend skiing together. Between them they left 3 girls, age 17, 16 and 15 home alone for the weekend. Well it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened. The small gathering of 10 friends turned into 50 kids, the cops, and now their daughters are going to court for being minors in possession. These are “good” girls with good grades and previously clean records. My kids are great kids who have never (to my knowledge) given me reason to doubt them. But my husband and I would NEVER leave them for the weekend without parental supervision. Either the grandparents would move in for the weekend, or the kids will spend the weekend AT a friend’s house. The temptation is just too great.</p>
<p>I heard an adolescent psychologist recently who talked about teen-proofing your house. When our kids were curious toddlers who wanted to explore their surroundings, we “baby-proofed” the house by putting the cleaning products on a high shelf, gates on the stairs, etc. Well, teens are curious, want to explore their world, and are working on separating from their parents - very much like toddlers - and she said we need to teen-proof our houses. Step # 1 - lock up the alcohol. She gave the example of a 15 year old boy who had a few friends sleep over in the basement. Next day, the mom finds the empty beer cans in the garbage can. The son’s response? “Why didn’t you lock the basement fridge? You really expect me to say no to my friends?”</p>
<p>I know kids drink. But I firmly believe that fewer kids would drink, and they would do it less often, if parents made more of a conscious effort to stop it, instead of lip service and looking the other way.</p>
<p>In high school, my parents always told me, “If you want to get drunk, let us know, and we will give you a few beers and sit here with you while you get drunk”. I laughed and never took them up on this; I should have though, because it was a rude awakening when I started drinking in college and had no idea what it felt like to be tipsy or drunk. I do agree that some experience with drinking is good, but it’s so easy for high school students to be unsafe about it (e.g. not calling for help if someone has too much, or driving home after drinking) because they’re trying so hard to hide their actions.</p>
<p>Lafalum, I’m with you 100%. Do I believe my d didn’t drink in HS? No. But I do believe that she may have been more careful about it because she knew there’d be hell to pay when she got home otherwise. I also spoke with her, almost in soundbites, but frequently, about drinking and the differeing effects of alcohol on the developing brain. And the differences between the 16, 18 and 21 year old brains.</p>
<p>Do I believe she doesn’t drink in college? No. So far, though, she seems to have been responsible about it.</p>
<p>My husband and I and the other parents we knew were responsible and vigilant. I snooped, enforced consequences and tried to be one step ahead of things. The kids still drank and went to college and continued to do so. No one “threw up their hands”. Like I said- I’m just stating the reality.
I doubt the parents of the cheerleaders foresaw vodka in the water bottles.</p>
<p>The difficulty for me here is when I try to enforce the “no drinking” rule and other parents don’t have the same mindset. It is even worse b/c I am the “evil” stepmother who actually knows how to parent. Do kids drink? Yes, of course. Is it ok? No, it’s not. I don’t understand why some parents take the position that since the kids are going to do it any way we might as well give our approval (either explicitly or tacitly by not punishing for the behavior).</p>
<p>Tiguena, I think there are very few parents who take the position that kids are going to do it anyway and turn the other way. I think what some of the parents are saying is that no matter how short the leash, the kids find a way IF THEY WANT TO. They did in my martini-drinking parent days and they do now. There are a million bazillion ways for kids to get into the alcohol and many do. When I started reading this forum I was tempted to use the moniker “momoftheotherwildchild” but decided I didn’t want to relive the years. My son worked in a local establishment where the school police officer loved to put a few down so to speak and get in his car and drive home. Kids see hypocrisy even if they don’t hear it or see it in their home. Blame our society, blame someone else’s parent, blame whatever, but the worst is to turn a blind eye or believe that it isn’t really happening with the scope that some parents are trying to explain.</p>
<p>As I understand it, an early “age of first drink” is symptomatic of rather broad behavioral and emotional issues. Also, a child with an early AFD usually has one or more parents with an early AFD.</p>
<p>For late teens, the correlation is between the “misuse” of alcohol and dating and un-supervised partying. The reports I read indicated that parental monitoring and efforts to counteract the media image of partying with alcohol as “cool” had a positive effect on the misuse of alcohol at that age.</p>
<p>MOWC, I didn’t mean to imply that you were among the “throw-up-your-hands” crowd, sorry if I worded it poorly.</p>
<p>Triguena: “The difficulty for me here is when I try to enforce the “no drinking” rule and other parents don’t have the same mindset.”
EXACTLY. Although sometimes I’m not sure if other parents are really as laissez-faire as my kids would have me believe. Someone, somewhere is NOT paying attention to their alcohol supply, otherwise 15 year olds wouldn’t have vodka and rum easily available. There aren’t that many 22 year olds around who are willing to buy alcohol for a high school sophomore.</p>
<p>The drinking culture has gotten to the point (or so I’ve heard from some local teens) that kids who don’t really want to drink go ahead and drink just a little bit, then pretend that they’re drunk so that they can be “cool.” Or maybe it’s just that the girls want to hook up with a guy, and if it doesn’t end up well they can say, “Oh, I didn’t really like him, I just did it because I was drunk, ha ha.” </p>
<p>(I love the show Friday Night Lights, but seriously, what’s with all the high school students drinking like fish? And the stores that sell it to them? Maybe its because all the actors are 25, so the writers forget they’re writing about 17 year olds and the drinking age is 21?)</p>
<p>My daughter did go to parties in HS where I knew drinks were going to be served, and I knew when parents allowed it. She didn’t have anything to drink whenever she was driving home. To ensure she never drank or did drugs, I stayed up to wait for her whenever she went out. We usually had our .5 hour chat before she went to bed (I knew who hooked up with whom and who got totally smashed). I think because she knew I was waiting up for her, she rarely came back after 12am. A few times when I knew she was going to drink, she slept over and I knew paretns were going to be there (I checked by having her call me from the land line), and there were very few houses that she was allowed to sleep over. </p>
<p>At home, she’s welcomed to have wines with dinner since she was 16. She knew it was not acceptable to over indulge, and she always refused drinks at our friends’ parties when she didn’t know them too well.</p>
<p>Now that she is in college, I know she goes out quite a bit because she is in a sorority. I can’t swear that she doesn’t get drunk, but on most weekend mornings she is up at 9am doing her homework (I talk to her in her room via land line). I have to trust that we have raised her properly to act responsibly.</p>
<p>I am not implying the way we have raised our daughter is the right way or it’s better, but it worked for us. We are not one of those parents that are enablers, but we are also not the one with eyes closed and pretend our kids do not drink.</p>
<p>Re: Friday Night Lights- that’s the way high school kids drink. Not all, but many.</p>