I’m more disturbed by the power imbalance - the “upper staff” hazing the newbie staff than the actual activity of a boy dressing in a bikini top and skirt. If a dozen male counselors wanted to dress up in a bikini top, skirt and wear make-up - that’s fine. If he was talked into this by a couple of his peers - that’s getting close to the line but I would be okay with that as well (but have a discussion about saying no and standing firm on the refusal). But it’s the power structure in this situation that bothers me.
I don’t think this one particular incident will “ruin” your son in HS. Even if a picture came to light. Cross dressing is pretty mild and I doubt HS kids even care.
The upper staff probably use the “randomness” of who is chosen for this as a shield for their own misdoings. “It just happened that Jim and Joey got the short straws. It could have been anyone”. So? That means we can make fun of them, throw water balloons at them, beat them with sticks, whatever?
Also, it could NOT have been anyone. The upper staff were not in any danger from the bad lottery.
It reminds me too much of fraternity hazing, or old English boarding school hazing, where the young ones are supposed to man up and take it and then they get to gleefully dish it out a few years later when they graduate to being abuser instead of abused. A BS system.
As a parent, I honestly would not get involved. If he had been assaulted or forced to drink or something, then I probably would. I think you are overthinking the impact of a photo getting out, too. So what? My guess is that it clearly appears to be a prank if a photo does surface. I don’t like hazing, but my opinion on this is that you are over reacting. He doesn’t have to go back next summer if he doesn’t like it.
He’s moved on–good for your son. I’d like to know the context–sounds like some sort of silly team building exercise “dress up” game/day. Maybe it is an annual tradition? At the most insensitive/poor judgment on the part of the people who chose the activity. But they are probably kids, too, so I’d shrug it off. Just camp silliness that wasn’t funny for some people. Momentary embarrassment. No big deal.
Pure and simple: A new hire is being reluctantly coerced – the subtleties/ramifications of not “being a team player” can be wide, varied and disingenuous. We need to prepare our kids with words to respectfully and confidently decline without incurring baggage and adding to the “lessons learned” file prior to encountering these situations.
I know a young woman who many years ago was “volunteered” by her fellow male coworkers to dress up as the Statue of Liberty and parade down a runway at an after dinner show; you know, all in good fun, for the Fourth of July, etc. Newly hired, her efforts to carve out an initial modicum of respect were virtually erased while being festooned in robe and crown and exhorted to sashay down the runway on her first out-of-town business trip and real job. My friend shared with me that mental picture dogged her for many years-- not only of how she capitulated, but also of how much her coworkers enjoyed the subtle hierarchy being played out.
Glad your son has moved on. Just as important, I’m glad that he came to you with his concerns.
I’m with pilot2012. This IS hazing pure and simple. Humiliation can be worse than physical intimidation. It’s also misogynistic on the part of the ones in charge because the implication they are meaning to convey is that it’s embarrassing to dress like a girl. To compare that to being forced to dress like a pirate is tone deaf. No one would take that as an intimidation.
The power differential is clear, and he apparently felt he had no choice. Yes, in an ideal world, he should be secure in who he is and laugh off the gibes if pictures circulate (and there will be gibes), but that’s asking a lot of a kid.
It’s definitely not okay, and potentially harmful.