<p>My concern was that we would be paying legal bills and maybe assisted living for the inlaw. Anyway, I am not a horrid person, but my husband and I did decide that if the person in question needs assisted living, we will not be the ones to pay for it. It will be cut and dry. And as of now, we cannot find any damage other than what we were told verbally. And that person laid off once they were put on notice that we were speaking to a lawyer. I am sure this issue will pop up later. I am betting that when the elder person passes away, this guy will suddenly show documents where she supposedly signed everything over to him. But, according to the lawyer, not much we can do until we see actual papers. We checked with two lawyers. </p>
<p>We could not even get the elderly person involved to tell us any further what kinds of papers this man has been having her sign, or what she has given him, or otherwise.</p>
<p>They need more laws to help family step in when this sort of thing happens. Maybe it is because we are in the south, but it seems there is very little we can do right now.</p>
<p>LMKH- there are already many laws on the books to protect your elderly relative. You can have a judge declare her unable to manage her own finances; she can appoint a Power of Attorney as Emerald has suggested. She can revise her will (if she is still competent) to make sure that she designates how she wishes her assets to be divided, and can appoint whomever she wishes to act as her executor. It can be a lawyer if there are complicated issues or sibling matters which may complicate things. A judge may appoint a Guardian for her if he/she determines that her designated representative (perhaps the individual who contacted you?) may not be acting in good faith to protect her interests or physical/medical needs. This Guardian can override financial decisions which this shady person may be making.</p>
<p>I don’t know why being in the South would make a difference.</p>
<p>She won’t discuss anything with us, and we suspect, she may have appointed this man to do this, or whatever else. Since she is staying quiet, we cannot do anything. We have no papers in hand to show anything has happened. All we have is what she said to us, and now she has stopped talking. We did alert other relatives to the situation.</p>
<p>Being in the state we are in makes a difference because each state has its own laws. I am unsure what the laws are elsewhere. I have only checked in our area.</p>
<p>And my husband told her he was concerned and suggested he take her to the doctor. She refuses to go. She is still up and around and involved in things like church. So this is not a case where she has become a shut in or requires physical care. If she required physical care that she is not getting, adult protective services could step in.</p>
<p>I want to repeat my initial comment. You appear to have evidence that your MIL has been scammed. That being the case, contact the police with the information you have regarding the scammer. Folks scam the elderly and if you even suspect this, report it to the police. Let them determine if this is valid. You could be saving others from the same scam…and if you act quickly enough might actually be able to recover any assets taken from your MIL.</p>
<p>Yes i agree this shouldn’t impact ability to pay for college - unless- this guy takes MILs money and OP then has to support her.
I realize not legally obligated but how many of us can sit back and watch our parents being taken advantage of?</p>
<p>This is one of the most surreal discussions I’ve seen on cc. OP is maybe going to tell her son he can’t go away to college because she refuses to involve the police in an elderly scam and they might have to let the scammer complete the job. Because the South.</p>
<p>I am guessing that all posters here have parents in the range of the OP. I am also guessing that MIL’s finances may be tied to OP - e.g. if she doesn’t have the money to go to assisted living, they may be forced to “chip in.” I have unfortunately been dealing with scam artists for years with both my mom and my next door neighbor. For the benefit of the OP and the rest of you, here’s a 60 second synopsis of how and why scam artists are so blindingly successful with elderly people.<br>
Elderly people often live (as my mother does) in a retirement home. In order to get into my Mom’s home, you have to have substantial enough assets to pay for it. Many are still in charge of their own finances. Score one for scamming opportunity.<br>
Because they are watched over by the staff, we busy sandwich generation kids are not as concerned with their day to day lives as if they lived alone. We may not notice or monitor their checking and savings accounts. Pride or other emotions may make them stubborn about sharing financial information with us. Even if a teller or mail box person suspects fraud, they are not allowed to point out the issue or contact a relative. Score two.<br>
They may be lonely. The phone rings. How exciting - maybe it’s my grandson!! A person claims to have been friends with their son Bill at Stanford. They are nervous now - they should remember this person! They play along as the person works in details about where he works etc. Since they don’t know this information is available easily on the internet, they think it is really Bills friend. Score 3.<br>
Even if they don’t want to buy what he is selling, they are just so friendly, and it would be rude to hang up first on such a nice man. So they don’t hang up as the person gets progressively more agressive and rude. Score 4.<br>
Even if they are financially stable, they don’t know how long they will live, and they were raised in the depression. Faced with an unexpected opportunity to make extra interest, invest in a sure thing, or the amazing chance winning of their supermarket’s sweepstakes, they are very excited!!! Score 5
Finally, they are bored. When surveys come in the mail and ask for their opinion, they take a moment to give it. When people ask for a little bit for the starving animals who have no ears and live in coal shoots, it seems like a good cause. It’s just $10.<br>
Soon those lists are sold, and they are getting more calls and more sweepstakes. Score 6. </p>
<p>My mom was lucky - TWICE the lovely mail lady at her retirement home caught her trying to mail $5000 checks to scam artists and contacted us. She continues to get calls and mail, although now it comes to my house. They are getting so desperate now that they now send her…porn. YUK! Be aware - train your parents about the internet - help them understand. I’m begging you! Don’t be like my neighbor, whose house was paid off. When she died, her children discovered that she had basically handed over all the equity to people who said they were “fixing it up” for her.</p>
<p>Shoot4moon,
Thanks so much for your detailed cautionary tale. It’s pretty upsetting to know that our beloved elderly are preyed upon so much and with such awful results for the elderly and their loved ones. Distance does make it tougher to keep in touch and know what’s going on with our folks–sometimes they are cranky and often pretty secretive about their assets and finances. </p>
<p>We know of several folks who are duped out of small amounts, which can add up over time and are a constant drain. Young people are also easily parted from their resources, but they tend to have less and are accordingly not as attractive targets as wealthier SRs.</p>
<p>Hope that OP is able to bring herself to report the suspected fraud ASAP, before more damage is done and OP’s family ends up shouldering a much larger financial burden than they intend. Conservatorships are not what anyone would wish, but sometimes that is what it takes.</p>
<p>I agree with everyone that conservatorship is a good idea for many of the elderly. The old are the most preyed-upon demographic everywhere in the world. It is sickening that this happens especially to middle class retirees who worked all their lives to build a nest egg. </p>
<p>The rich have their financial advisors and the poor have their welfare checks, but the middle class has little protection against scammers and predatory sellers, making them betrodden even after retiring.</p>
<p>Point is still… this really should not be a factor in the decision regarding son’s attendance at college. The OP has another thread saying she wants her son close to home, and he wants to go away (which she initially encouraged). This is not a legitimate reason to ask him to stay close to home, and it would be dishonest to present this to him as a reason for doing so.</p>