<p>“My reason for asking was not to offend but to try and understand why a few sorority sisters did not reach out to their littles with the intention of what a “little” has in mind a “big” should be for them.”</p>
<p>Because people are people. It’s like asking why your neighbors to the right aren’t as friendly as your neighbors to the left.</p>
<p>Girls see the role of big sister differently. I took my role very seriously, especially since I wasn’t able to spend a lot of time with my big. However, some girls chose presents as a way to show love. I prefer to spend time making letters together or getting dinner. There may be other girls (none in my sisterhood) who see it more as a rite of passage than the gaining of a deep friendship.</p>
<p>It’s merely human difference, paraphrasing Pizzagirl.</p>
<p>The big/little relationship was one of the best aspects of Greek life for the two of my ds who joined sororities. For at least one of their schools, the chapter specified a budget ceiling for how much each big sister could spend on gifts for little sisters during clue weeks and other sorority-affiliated activities, and it was a modest amount. Sisters could spend less; each sister could choose how much to spend on birthday and holiday gifts. Taking on a little sister was elective, so that members who were on strict budgets or had very little time weren’t obligated to do so (perhaps this policy applies in all chapters - it makes sense). And as with any other relationship, the individuals work it out as they go along. </p>
<p>The special gift my d will always remember was a surprise individual mini-concert by one of the male a capella groups on campus. Her big sister was a friend of the group president, and she arranged for the guys to find my d on campus and sing a couple of songs. It was a big thrill for a new freshman.</p>
<p>OP,</p>
<p>is your daughter complaining about the fact that other girls seem to have “better” Bigs? Does your daughter seem to have a good relationship with her big sister over all?</p>
<p>To the OP… maybe if your D is not getting enough time with her big sis she could ask the big sis to meet for lunch or dinner. Sometimes a big might be kind of shy or not want to seem pushy. Have your D text her and ask her to meet up and study or get lunch etc.
I had a friend that was not a warm fuzzy big at first, her little was just so sweet and bubbly… She kept after her big and they became very close. My friend actually opened up more and became a great big.</p>
<p>I am surprised reading this thread that nobody has commented that the “big/little” expenditure can get quite out of hand. I find it crazy how much money so many college students are spending on big/little week! (my D included) She received so much when she was a little that she felt she wanted to do the same when she begame a big. This seems to be normal at UD, and I think it’s crazy! </p>
<p>As far as how much time is spent between the big and little, I have to say, like any other relationship, some sets become close friends immediately, some over a longer period of time, and some get to know one another, and realize they do not have enough in common to become close friends. You can not “force” a friendship. Sometimes the two “chose” one another, so it is likely the friendship will work out. Sometimes, based on the “matching” system, other sisters ranked the big or little higher, therefore two sisters end up matched as big/little who did not necessarily want to be together.</p>
<p>I know nothing at all about sororities or fraternities but reading this thread has been interesting. I’m kind of hoping my youngest will not be interested in joining-seems like a whole lot of trouble and expense for only potential friends who may or may not share much of anything in common with you. Some of the schools on her list have a big Greek presence, others hardly any. I’m going to need to pay more attention to it all.</p>
<p>sseamom, that is your (or rather, her) choice. For those who are not understanding this relationship, maybe an explanation is in order. During a very small window of time, generally 6 weeks, new members undergo lessons and activities that are meant to welcome them into the sorority. They learn the history, values and significance of the chapter and the groups as a whole. Big sisters (used to be called pledge moms in some cases) are there to help welcome the new member into the fold. They are chosen fairly early in the process, before the new members know all the actives on a personal level. They give gifts, can act as a mentor and can be that person a new member turns to in times of doubt. This is not the only active that the new members know. It is jut one relationship among many in the house and is not really significant after initiation unless the members wish it to be. Some feel a much closer bond to their pledge educator, or with the women they bond with at chapter activities. Most of us can attest that the relationships formed within the pledge class are more significant than the big/little one.</p>
<p>While I realize the frustration your daughter must feel at not getting the same amount of attention as the other girls, she is an adult and she has to learn sooner or later that life isn’t fair. Better learn that in college than in “the real world”.</p>
<p>MizzBee-one of my nieces was in a sorority and still, 10 years later, speaks fondly of her days there and tries to catch up with her “sisters” in person once or twice a year. I remember she loved being a big sister. What I also remember is that she got pneumonia during pledge week when she was “required” to sleep in the basement on nothing but cardboard for several nights. Why she feels the affinity she does escapes me. </p>
<p>But I’m not here to rain on anyone’s parade-I just need to educate myself some more about this whole thing. My older D never gave a second’s thought to joining, but my youngest thinks sororities sound kind of cool.</p>
<p>sseamom–Those types of things no longer go on, nor should they have gone on 10 years ago. Don’t let one bad apple spoil the bunch for your daughter if she wishes to go through recruitment</p>
<p>sseamom – was your niece part of a local sorority? Certainly not all local sororities haze, and there are some chapters of national groups that do, but it makes a difference. I would be much less worried about hazing in a nationwide group, because you have the national alumnae organization cracking down, not just the university.</p>
<p>Sseamom - i have a group of 6 of us from my sorority, who are still close after having met one another nearly 30 (gasp) years ago as pledges. I’m sorry to say there are now 5 of us, as we buried one a few weeks ago. We were all with her to the end.</p>
<p>As for pledge mom relationships, most of us have no contact with them at all. It’s just not a big deal unless the two hit it off. It’s like having someone show you around a campus as a freshman. Helpful resource to make you feel welcome, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be BFFs.</p>
<p>And as for hazing, we didn’t have anything like that. Mild hijinks at most. (what an old fashioned word, but I can’t think of a better one)</p>
<p>I feel sorry for my D’s little. She got a boatload of stuff - I’m not kidding, the pile of stuff she got wouldn’t have fit in a steamer trunk. Where is she supposed to put it all? In D’s sorority “family,” they save all their t-shirts and pass many of them down from year to year. Her sorority buys t-shirts for every event imaginable, and the girls only keep a small portion of them. They pass the rest down to their Little. D had t-shirts going back nearly 10 years - I think it was over 50 t-shirts. Plus picture frames, cups, vases… she made her little a Build-a-Bear and a picture frame, but the rest of the pile she gave her was stuff she herself had gotten from her Big. Of course, she arranged it all beautifully, but frankly, I think weeding this pile down by 2/3 would be a kindness!</p>
<p>D1’s finale gift from her big was having 3 frat guys wait for D1 in her room wearing speedos sitting in a blow up pool. The guys couldn’t leave until they got a picture with D1. It was a well orchestrated “hijink.” They got D1’s best friend to let them in the room, and had D1’s schedule for that day. Unfortunately D1 decided to stop off to visit a friend for an hour before she returned to her room. D1 said the only casualty to her room was her well stocked fridge - they ate and drank everything. The blow up pool continues to be passed down from one generation to another.</p>
<p>Hijinks of that nature would not be acceptable by any NPC sorority’s standards. I’m in a sorority and have volunteered my services as an advisor at the local and regional levels for the past 24 years. I had three little sisters while a collegian and had very different relationships with each of them because they were different people. I bonded with one of them immediately and we were almost inseparable for a semester. Then she got into some heavy duty partying, which I wasn’t into, and we drifted. We’ve reconnected recently and it’s great to see her now 
I had a really hard time connecting with the second one until we ended up sharing an apartment. We became very close. She was my maid of honor (twice) and is still one of my closest friends. The third one was kind of shy and quiet and kept to herself although I tried to draw her out. I don’t know where she is these days. </p>
<p>As far as money spent, a lot of chapters now put spending limits down to equalize things and make it affordable for anybody to be a big sister. Smart ones, anyway Or, they budget those gifts right into their budget and buy identical gifts for the new members. </p>
<p>I can say that sorority membership has taught me leadership skills, improved my public speaking ability, and provided me with an instant support system no matter where I go in the country. They also assisted me financially with a grant during a medical emergency. It has been an incredible experience for me … one of the best things I ever did!</p>
<p>What oldfort describes falls under harmless hijinks to me. You have to have a sense of humor in life.</p>
<p>We could use a lot more good clean fun like that, frankly, and a lot less emotional turmoil and angst, imho.</p>