<p>It is such a sweet sentiment when “Big” sisters spoil their “Little” sisters in their sorority! One problem is that not all “Bigs” do this. Shouldn’t it be an obligation as a “Big” to help their “Little” feel welcome, show them they are special, and let them know they have a friend and are happy they are sisters? In my opinion, the “Big” is setting the standard for their “Little” in how they will eventually treat the “little” they will receive the following year. There are girls on one end of the spectrum who are not receiving any special goodies or affections of the greek sisterhood, while others receive the motherload of gifts. Why isn’t every sister in the sorority held up to the same standards once being a member of the greek society? With sorority membership being such a highly cherished part of a college girl’s life, it should include all the perks possible!</p>
<p>I guess it depends on school…at D1 big/little week involves giving gifts and while there is some individual discretion, there are also certain items that are paid for by sorority so that everyone gets at least that stuff alike. A lot of extra stuff my D gave was littles “favorite things” like candy and snacks and then crafty stuff like picture frames, no huge cost involved.</p>
<p>Sometimes girls want to take a little, but they don’t have oodles of spare cash. I’m not saying that a big sister should take a little with no intention of gifts in shirts or whatever the chapter tradition is, but it seems a bit unfair to expect every big to shower her littles with gifts just because of “fairness”.</p>
<p>I made nice shirts and bought lovely things for my little, but she appreciated them more because I took the time to make them for her. It’s not about getting “the motherload”; it’s about honoring a mentor/mentee relationship.</p>
<p>I completely agree about the relationship that is built between the Big/Little. Not having a lot of cash is certainly something I can understand, however, there are small things a Big could do, such as writing a positive note, making something crafty (not expensive), etc. If a Big is not mentoring their Little, then how can the Little become a better Big when it is their turn?</p>
<p>Shouldn’t it be an obligation as a “Big” to help their “Little” feel welcome, show them they are special, and let them know they have a friend and are happy they are sisters?
Yes.</p>
<p>Why isn’t every sister in the sorority held up to the same standards once being a member of the greek society?
The reason is that in every society, whether it’s greek, the business world, or human, no one is held up to the same standards. It’s just human nature.</p>
<p>With sorority membership being such a highly cherished part of a college girl’s life, it should include all the perks possible!
I disagree. Being a member of a sorority doesn’t entitle anyone to perks. It only entitles members to be in proximity with others who share facets of their personalities.</p>
<p>greekmom, the important part of being a big is teaching her little the ins and outs of the sisterhood, the stuff not covered in pledge education. Making her feel special doesn’t require gifts necessarily, but a 2 hour conversation might. Doing a study night if she’s struggling with a class would make her feel special. Watching TV with her would make her feel special. It’s about spending time with her, not necessarily tangible gifts.</p>
<p>You are right about that, also clarinette52. However, some of the stories and situations I have come across have shown me that this is not taking place either. I did not bring it up in the first post, but some Big sisters are not spending that quality time with their Little sisters, which is very important in helping a new member feel accepted and appreciated. As nice as the tangible gifts can be, it is the intrinsic reward of knowing someone takes the time to treat you as a special new member the sorority and help you learn the do’s and don’ts and other areas of college and greek life. Every new member wants the attention from their Big, but there are some who are not receiving the mentoring in any form. My hope is that they will learn from observation and experience of what a true Big can be, and strive to become the future Big sister who will go all out for their little so they will truly feel welcomed into the sisterhood.</p>
<p>Like everywhere in life, sororities have a spectrum in personalities…not everyone is a “warm fuzzy.” And even warm, fuzzy young women have things on their minds bigger than spoiling a new friend…like academics, jobs/internships, family concerns…</p>
<p>If your daughter is disappointed in her sorority big sister, I hope she finds the support and friendships she is seeking in her own pledge class.</p>
<p>It’s a good life lesson - not everyone you come in contact with is going to live up to your expectations. Not every boss is going to be a mentor - some of them can be quite infuriating, actually. You can’t let the actions of other people get to you, or you’re in for a lot of heartache.</p>
<p>I think you’re taking this too seriously. I wasn’t super close to my pledge mom; she wasn’t the warm fuzzy type. We would up not having a lot to do with one another. Other pledge moms/daughters became very close. People just have different personalities, that’s all. </p>
<p>The concept of love languages applies here - in this context, it can be friendship love, not necessarily just romantic love. There are 5 types of languages, supposedly: Gifts, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and words of love. Sounds like you / your daughter value gifts as a love language. I know people like that - my best friend is, she will always bring me back little gifts from every trip she goes on, whereas it wouldn’t occur to me to do so. But, I’ll make arrangements for her (acts of service) to make her life easier. </p>
<p>Don’t get too caught up in this. The relationship between the big/little is only as important as you make it be.</p>
<p>My big and I weren’t particularly close, nor were my little and I. Yeah, I got crafty for her, but we didn’t have the relationship that you’re envisioning. If you are ****ed that your daughter didn’t get enough ‘stuff’ compared to other girls, you should ask HER if she is happy with her big and their relationship. If she is, then let it go. If she is not, she should address it with her big, and it is not a place where you should meddle.</p>
<p>My relationship to the other girls in my class – some of whom I have remained lifelong friends with – has been of far, far more consequence than my relationship w my pledge mom, whom I haven’t seen in 25 years.</p>
<p>I was not terribly close to my big, but I don’t really feel cheated. It can be a great relationship, but just one of many that your D will have in the chapter. My own DS will be getting his big at his fraternity this week and I have been talking about it with my pledge sisters. Many of them are still close to their bigs, but they are not necessarily the ones that had “fun” bigs at the time.</p>
<p>In any case, a parent of a college student shouldn’t be managing their friendships. I doubt my mother and father ever even knew my pledge mom’s name, much less any of the particulars of what we did or didn’t do together. And they certainly weren’t aware of what other pledge moms did or didn’t do. I respectfully suggest you’re a bit too enmeshed in D’s sorority experience.</p>
<p>I understand what the OP is saying, but for various reasons, it doesn’t always work out that way. My Big Sis transferred schools at the end of my freshmen year. Because of this, I became more sensitive with this subject. I eventually ended up “adopting” a second Little, who found herself without a Big. We didn’t buy gifts, but occasionally did activities together.</p>
<p>maybe she should’ve joined a different sorority… she had a say right? before she decided to spend 3/4 figures on a new group of people to hang out with?</p>
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<p>the first part of this quote could be considered what’s wrong with society. The second part is not what you are expecting. You are expecting all the perks that YOU want. Big difference.</p>
<p>Soccerguy, that makes no sense. She doesn’t know who her pledge mom or big sister or whatever you call it is going to be when she joins. And the bottom line is, people show their friendship in different ways. Some girls are going to be “all over” their pledge daughter / little sister, shower them with candy and gifts and homemade treats and this and that because that’s their personality. Other girls will care, but are just more low-key and aren’t the huggy-wuggy warm fuzzy cutesy type. That’s all. I think the problem here is that the mother is doing a lot of comparison that isn’t her place to do. It’s rather like judging your boyfriend by - does he spend as much on flowers for valentine’s day as your best friend’s boyfriend does. Just not a good idea to make comparisons. Take people at face value. The pledge mom / big sis may indeed like greekmom’s daughter, but she’s not demonstrative in the way that greekmom seems to want her to be. That’s all. There is no “standard” for this, no minimum amount that needs to be spent. People show their friendship in different ways, and not everyone is into the (somewhat gaggy) let-me-buy-you-all-kinds-of-cr*p.</p>
<p>I am going to say this in the kindest way I can muster. Your daughter is an adult. This is not something that is your concern. Her relationships belong to her. Stay out of it.</p>
<p>This is an internal matter for the organization. Members who feel they are not on an equal footing with their peers need to raise the question, if at all, with the leadership of the group.</p>
<p>I appreciate all of your comments but I did not intend to make myself sound as if I was completely unhappy with the situation. My main interest involved curiosity. Yes, each sister has individual personalities, responsibilities, and situations they are dealing with and I also realize this is how the real world works. My reason for asking was not to offend but to try and understand why a few sorority sisters did not reach out to their littles with the intention of what a “little” has in mind a “big” should be for them. Yes, there are some wonderful relationships between sisters in the sorority who are not big/little which will be something to treasure forever, and I believe this makes a huge difference in continuing to see the positive side of being a true sister even if not showered with gifts as I mentioned in my first post. Material gifts are nothing compared to what the girls gain from the true lasting connections of friendship. Thank you again from those of you who shared polite and professional comments to help shed a new light on the situation.</p>