<p>wow, that’s kinda creepy</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Yes SIR, Sir! Right AWAY, Sir! Thank you for policing CC to keep it free from bigots like me, Sir!</p>
<p>Oh, I see. You respond to my pointing out that you used incredibly offensive language by deliberately mis-gendering me and calling me “Sir,” because I happen to be a woman of transsexual history. I can’t believe you actually did that. I really thought that by now, I wouldn’t have to deal with that sort of insult anymore here.</p>
<p>I think you’ve proved yourself to be an astonishingly ignorant – to be charitable – human being. What you just did is pretty much the equivalent of using the “n” word, or calling a gay man a ■■■■■■ (or a “homo,” for that matter). It’s just as bad as if you had called me a kike. And I would have called you out for using any of those words. It doesn’t make me the police; it makes me a decent human being.</p>
<p>If you thought I would put up with that from you, or anyone else, you made a huge mistake.</p>
<p>Instead of being so defensive, maybe you should just apologize. Unless you enjoy acting like a jerk.</p>
<p>I may not have been around for a little while, but
I think I’ve demonstrated my bona fides on this forum, and my right to be treated with respect, far more than you have.</p>
<p>All my love,</p>
<p>Donna</p>
<p>I figured you’d respond with something fiery, but found an angle that I hadn’t anticipated.</p>
<p>The whole “Sir” thing was just to sound military-like. The truth is, it didn’t even register that you’re transsexual. I didn’t make careful enough note of who posted what in this thread to realize that my saying “Sir” could be taken that way. So…yes, I do sincerely apologize for that. It was just a slip-up, not intended bait you based on your sexual history.</p>
<p>But as for the “flaming homo” comment—which I’m pretty sure everyone else understood was meant ironically, since it was in the context of trying to help someone having a sexual-identity-related problem—I don’t apologize. It was meant ironically, it was obvious that I wasn’t disparaging homosexuals by saying it, and I think you should develop a sense of humor.</p>
<p>My brother-in-law is here today. He’s gay. I asked him to read the post you took issue with. He didn’t see the problem, and I trust him.</p>
<p>EDIT AFTER THINKING FOR A MINUTE MORE:</p>
<p>You know, people like you really burn my butt. Here I am, attempting to engage someone who’s posting angrily that he’s not accepted. I’m discussing the topic intelligently, making suggestions that I genuinely think will be helpful, and you come barging in here accusing ME of bigotry. Well, this “astonishingly ignorant” person hopes that you manage to overcome your complex and become tolerable yourself one day. I’m quite satisfied that my gay friends and relatives find this astonishingly ignorant jerk a lot more pleasant to be around than some self-righteous, indignant hothead.</p>
<p>I’m extremely skeptical that it was just a coincidence – or that you would have addressed a non-trans woman that way, rather than calling her “Ma’am” – given that I specifically spoke about my transition in the post immediately before the post that you “sir’ed” me about. However, I’ll conditionally accept your apology. </p>
<p>But I’m hardly a hothead. And most people seem to find me quite tolerable, thank you very much. </p>
<p>Why shouldn’t I have been angry when you not only used the term “flaming homo,” but then directed at me possibly the worst type of insult anyone could direct at a trans person, i.e., misgendering me? And I really don’t care how much your gay friends and relatives approve of your discourse when you’re with them. It’s entirely inappropriate for a straight person, in a public forum, that anyone can read, to use an offensive phrase like “flaming homo,” intended ironically or otherwise – especially when the OP hirself had just referred to gay people disparagingly (the “whining homosexuals” comment). </p>
<p>It’s simply not your place (or that of your gay brother-in-law) to make the decision that it’s “OK” to make “jokes” like that here. Any more than a non-trans person has the right to use pejorative phrases like Christian Siriano’s “hot tranny mess,” just because they happen to know someone who’s trans who doesn’t object to the word “tranny.” Any trans person has the right to decide that it’s OK for them for a non-trans friend to use the word “tranny.” They don’t have the right to decide that other trans people shouldn’t be offended. Similarly, your gay friends and relatives are free to decide that it’s OK for them if you use terms like “flaming homo.” They don’t have the right to decide that nobody else should be offended – or that I shouldn’t be offended on behalf of my gay son. Or on my own behalf, frankly, given that I’m primarily lesbian-identified. I know perfectly well that my son wouldn’t think it was OK for a straight person to make comments like that. Even if they’re meant jokingly, they still perpetuate negative stereotypes. And that’s not something you should be doing. (Definitely, gay son trumps gay brother-in-law!)</p>
<p>Nor is it appropriate for you to suggest that I’m “barging in.” I have as much right to post in this thread as you do. If not more, given the subject of this thread. Which you clearly know nothing about.</p>
<p>LOL, I read it as “Big ender” also. Where to draw a line for many of these categories can get very difficult. If someone is and has been exclusively hetero or homo sexual with no intention or thoughts about trying the other, it is clear. Once you get the mix and match, it’s really difficult to start making these categories. I know folks who want to be non gender, who want to be of a different gender than they are biologically, are biologically both or either, who are have bi, are bi, wouldn’t mind being bi, want to be gay…the list goes on. What it comes to, in my opinion, is that sexual preference and identity are both personal things that should not be anyone’s business. It is rude to disparage others in this area just as it is to be rude and mocking of others for other features that are not illegal or harmful.</p>
<p>Mantori, I have no dog in this fight, and felt that what you said was pretty offensive, and how you reacted was pretty childish.</p>
<p>^I’m hardly the political correctness police, and say some pretty blunt, insensitive things myself on here, but I have to concur with aibarr on this one. A simple apology would sure be a whole lot more productive than a very defensive response using a version of the very tiresome “some of my best friends are X…” And besides, whether your BIL agrees or not isn’t relevant; and really, its not surprising either (given you hardly sound llike someone open to negative feedback and I’m sure your BIL has at least an ounce of common sense to stay a mile away from this one).</p>
<p>^Agree also with aibarr and starbright. And, actually, really surprised. I believe you meant it ironically, but it doesn’t read that way. And your reaction to Donna was not just rude, it was creepy. And yeah, the “my gay acquaintance agrees with me” defense is shabby, especially from a usually thoughtful poster.</p>
<p>Well, when you’re wrong, you’re wrong. I apologize.</p>
<p>I swear that the “Sir” thing was a complete coincidence. There is no way I would ever intentionally make fun of someone in that way. I picked a really bad time not to carefully read the posts that came before mine. I meant no offense whatsoever, only to be snarky, which clearly went over very poorly.</p>
<p>So, again, for the record: DonnaL, I sincerely apologize.</p>
<p>As for the “flaming homo” remark, I think the context makes it clear that I wasn’t being bigoted, but once again, to anyone who reads it in an offensive manner which I did not intend, I’m sorry.</p>
<p>(My brother-in-law really is gay, and so is his sister, and we’re all very close. Yes, the “some of my best friends are [insert minority here]” defense sounds hokey, but I was serious.)</p>
<p><a href=“My%20brother-in-law%20really%20is%20gay,%20and%20so%20is%20his%20sister,%20and%20we’re%20all%20very%20close.%20Yes,%20the%20%22some%20of%20my%20best%20friends%20are%20%5Binsert%20minority%20here%5D%22%20defense%20sounds%20hokey,%20but%20I%20was%20serious.”>quote</a>
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Yeah, but the deal is that when you say something that could be interpreted as offensive and somebody takes offense, then “some of my best friends are ______” doesn’t matter. You’ve hurt somebody, even if it’s unintentional. It’s probably just a better idea to apologize next time and tell the truth-- that you didn’t intend to offend anybody-- and then take that experience into account next time you consider using that term.</p>
<p>I get it. I just believed at first that this was a case of someone overreacting to something that wasn’t really offensive. I appreciate that several people have now set me straight and thank you for taking the time to do so.</p>
<p>everybody now all together</p>
<p>*
C’mon
Oh won’t you take me home tonight ?
Oh down beside your red firelight
Oh and you give it all you got
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin’ world go round
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin’ world go round *
;)</p>
<p>Huh, I’ve never actually heard of the term “bigendered”, but it seems to be what I am. I am bisexual (though with a relatively strong preference towards women) and, while I don’t consider myself transgendered, I’ve never sat right with being a female. I have always felt strongly that I was born into the wrong body, but never so strongly that I wanted to live as a man. However, I have many masculine personality traits (much more than I do feminine) however I am able to live comfortably in both roles. </p>
<p>I kind of think that bigendered is a load of bull though to be quite honest. The vast majority of us have masculine and feminine traits, where does having both traits end and bigendered-ness begin?</p>
<p>*** is this doing on collegeconfidential?</p>
<p>I never thought much about bi-gender issues until the D of a very close friend made the decision to seek therapy (required by her health insurance plan) to get hormone treatments so that she could become male-identified. (Friend’s D decided that she didn’t want to go through surgeries, but would take hormones, etc. to go from a female to a male) My friend had a very difficult time and read tons and tons to try to understand and be supportive. To support my friend, I went with her to a lecture. The speaker was Jennifer Finney Boylan, who wrote the book She’s Not There: A Life in Two Genders. Boylan is (at least I think still is) a professor at Colby College who underwent a sex change–from male to female. The book chronicles this process. I went to the lecture thinking I’d be listening to some kooky weirdo and felt really uncomfortable. I came away from the lecture with a copy of Boylan’s book (autographed) and determined that I would if the occasion arose I would champion the decision of folks (like my friend’s D) who decide to change genders. For anyone who wants a great education about transgender issues–I’d recommend this book or listening to Jenny Boylan. She’s smart, funny, attractive and a persuasive spokesperson.</p>
<p>Apology accepted, mantori.suzuki.</p>
<p>Mr. McAwesome, what is it about this topic – as opposed to all other topics that are discussed here – that makes it unacceptable on cc, in your opinion?</p>
<p>PS: Jenny Boylan is a friend of mine, and, yes, she’s still at Colby. She’s an excellent speaker on trans issues. Her first book on the subject, “She’s Not There” (she had published a number of reasonably successful light novels prior to her transition) is quite good, I think – although anyone who reads it should keep in mind that for a number of reasons, her transition went much more smoothly than it does for many. Being a tenured professor at a well-known liberal arts college in the Northeastern United States is not the worst place to be if you’re planning to transition!</p>
<p>Bromfield, I know a lot of trans people, and there are indeed some kooky weirdos among us. (NTTAWWT.) But I honestly don’t believe the percentage is any higher than it is among non-trans people.</p>
<p>its kinda creepy…</p>
<p>The vast majority of us have masculine and feminine traits, where does having both traits end and bigendered-ness begin?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>But wait- he wore cosmetics- a toupee, had a " hairstylist" and was an * actor?*</p>
<p>We are all contradictions- that is what makes us interesting.</p>
<p>Did anyone read the story of perseverance of a classical pianist ( try and say that three times), in the NYT?
<a href=“http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/15/fashion/15genb.html[/url]”>http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/15/fashion/15genb.html</a></p>
<p>I find it easier to just try and accept what I don’t completely understand ( as long as no one is being harmed), cause more than likely most of it is TMI anyway.</p>
<p>I saw that; it’s about Sara Buechner, who was quite well-known prior to her transition. It’s a very nice story.</p>